Dogooders?

LegacyUser

Hi
Just wondering if I could get a general idea of peoples opnions. Basically me and my husband are starting to hate 2 of our friends because(and this might sound stupid) they are selfish people who refuse to give to charity. We are 28 and 25, and they are 24 and 29.

Ill explain. My husband and I consider ourselves lucky, we managed to buy a cheap house with a cheap mortgage, we keep on top of our bills and are in credit in all of them, I lost my job last year and am on social money and he brings home less than 300 a week after tax but we always have money left over because we are in credit in everything, and when we have finished putting money into savings and doing shopping etc we like to give to charity, it may only be 10e or 20e but we still do it. We are in no way well off we just feel lucky in what we have compared to others.

Last month we received money from a pet insurance company because our dog had run away and had been missing for 3 months , hes still gone. We got a pretty big cheque and had decided to give it to charity, we couldn’t keep it or spend it knowing it came from losing our pet because we cant have kids and he was our baby. However our friends, a couple we know went MAD even though its F**k all to do with them. Apparantly we are “Physcos” and “We are looking for attention handing that money over to charitys” and “We are attention seeking dogooders” . This from a couple who go on 2 holidays a year and think giving to charity is (in their words) “ Gay” ( I know even that description shows how childish they are)

My husband and I were in a supermarket recently and there were people outside handing bags out and asking people to buy a few things for needy familys at xmas and we put in about 20e worth of stuff because we had a bit extra money, then as we were leaving our “friends” walked in and when they saw the bag we handed in yelled out ”jesus doesn’t take much to tug at your heart strings” I was mortified.

The same week there was a notice in the paper from an animal charity looking for donations of food and toys etc, so we donated the food and toys we had left over from our dog, plus we bought an extra few tins of stuff to throw in, and my husband made the mistake of asking the guys at work to donate a few bits, because when that got back to the other 2(they work in same place) they went around the factory calling me and my husband “spastics who show off all our money by boasting about giving to charity” They deny this but a few people have told me!

I am furious. We do not boast we never have, all my husband asked was for a few lads in work to donate things, they saw us donating stuff at a supermarket and our name went into the paper for donating the insurance money(even tho it was annonmoys but the desk clerk knows my dad)

I Am so hurt ive been friends with these people since I was 15 and I know there are people out there homeless and with nothing and I try to help and all we are gettings a bad name of “dogooders” by my so called friends! Can anyone shed some light here?

LegacyUser

whats their fiancial situation?

Moomoo1

the way I see it is this:

-there are a lot of people in our society - and in the world generally - who are very badly off and need help. And not just people (animals etc).

-they obviously deserve sympathy

-however, the powers that be don't want us to be sympathetic

-because if we are, then this suggests that these people and animals _deserve_ help, so the government also has to do something to help them, and this will affect the way we vote.

-so they try to make us ignore the sufferings of others: pretend that somehow they 'deserve it', 'don't find it painful', and 'every individual's problems are his/her own'.

-part of this process involves attaching a stigma to people who do try to help others. Hence they coined the term 'dogooders', and made helping others something to be ashamed of.

So I would think that it's just the sad world that we live in.

discus

To be fair, I think you guys are a great example of how people should live... You don't buy into any materialistic ****e that has the country ruined, didn't buy into the "free credit" thing etc... On top of that you live within your means and still look out for those with less. It's really admirable!

But even in your post, you dropped in a few charitable things that you've done. Nothing wrong with mentioning it, because most people would like to hear that their friends are nice people etc. Obviously these particular friends don't share this sentiment, so maybe just don't bring it up around them?

Miss Fluff

dogooders? wrote: »

they went around the factory calling me and my husband “spastics who show off all our money by boasting about giving to charity” They deny this but a few people have told me!

I don't know whether you and your husband do or don't tell people but the best rule of thumb when making any kind of donation, either a gift of money or donation, is to keep it entirely quiet.

You can be guaranteed this will no longer be an issue if you just don't tell anyone about any of your charitable deeds.

poisonated

I agree with miss fluff. Although giving to charity is nearly always good, it would be better if you did it for the right reasons. I'm not saying that you do it for the wrong reasons but there are people that give to charity just so that they can tell people and rub it in people's faces. I suppose what I am trying to say is that some people will give to charity just to look good.

spinandscribble

it's sad but true. Some people are uncomfortable with others giving time or money to charity, it highlights that they don't. They can lash out or mock you for not having similar beliefs. Thats why most people keep this stuff private, avoid the photo ops in the paper and asking for donations at work, unless you're involved in working for a specific charity.

funnychick

I think what ye are doing is fantastic and im sure that ye do not go about boasting. I would like to think its more like spreading the word! you are leading by example and keep up the good work. I would give my last cent to the less fortunate than myself. if you do good then it will come back to you! i always believe that!

my company are very charitable and anytime there are collections or buying gifts for the poor - im all over it! I try to get everyone involved in work but not everyone is of the same mind and it maddens me but i just leave them because its up to them at the end of the day! it seems to me that the more money people have the less likely they are to donate etc!! ( not stereotyping but just from my experience).

you keep doing what you are doing and do not worry about what anyone else are saying! they have little going on in their lives if they have to be concerned about what you are doing!

next time they roar something across the street at you like that - tell them to mind their own business!!!

LegacyUser

These people are not your friends! While I don't understand so-called 'dogooders' either (It reminds of Ned Flanders ), I also don't shout at them when they give their earnings away. I do give to charity, but I'm careful in what I give and who knows about it; Discretion is everything.

Moomoo1

poisonated wrote: »

I agree with miss fluff. Although giving to charity is nearly always good, it would be better if you did it for the right reasons. I'm not saying that you do it for the wrong reasons but there are people that give to charity just so that they can tell people and rub it in people's faces. I suppose what I am trying to say is that some people will give to charity just to look good.

spinandscribble wrote: »

it's sad but true. Some people are uncomfortable with others giving time or money to charity, it highlights that they don't. They can lash out or mock you for not having similar beliefs. Thats why most people keep this stuff private, avoid the photo ops in the paper and asking for donations at work, unless you're involved in working for a specific charity.

I do think though that someone who has done a good deed (and a good deed is a good deed no matter what the reasons behind it are) deserves to feel proud about it and should tell people. Going over the top about it is wrong, obv., but to expect people to keep totally quiet is also a bit harsh.

spinandscribble

Moomoo1 wrote: »

I do think though that someone who has done a good deed (and a good deed is a good deed no matter what the reasons behind it are) deserves to feel proud about it and should tell people. Going over the top about it is wrong, obv., but to expect people to keep totally quiet is also a bit harsh.

Never said they shouldn't be happy but speaking from personal experience, this is what i'd advise. I've a lot of experience with regard to fundraising and the backlash it can get (and no i wasn't a paid chugger). Nowadays i don't talk about each donations, only work that I'm actually involved in IF theres open ears/hearts. I don't see the point in telling people where my money/time goes unless they inquire and I'm at liberty to say. I'm lucky to be in a privileged position to have time/money when i do do it.

However in this situation the op didn't do anything wrong. The so called friends talking to them like that is crazy but if I had been getting grief already I wouldn't go into work where the begrungers are and ask for donations. If anything the op should know how to protect themselves and not waste their time. The op made clear how well their financial situation is compared to people who took loans ect. There's a lot of bitter individuals out there right now and its a good idea to keep that in mind.

Moomoo1

I do see you point. I do think though that in some way it means you are letting yourself be bullied by those people into not fundraising anywhere near them.

IrishEyes19

Its really great that you do so much for charity and fair play but despite the fact that you know they go on 2 holidays, it just isnt right to judge peoples financial situations like that. I dont give to chartities on the streets or tv and such, but I give in other ways that I wont disclose here, I think perhaps although you dont realise it, you might come off as boasting, which Im positive you dont intend to, but the post here sounds like it.

el Bastardo

Moomoo1 wrote: »

I do see you point. I do think though that in some way it means you are letting yourself be bullied by those people into not fundraising anywhere near them.

Horse manure! It's not letting yourself being bullied. Why do you want to yell from the treetops that you gave something to someone? Is it really pride or is being boastful? Make sure you know why you're being charitable!!!

FoxT

Last month we received money from a pet insurance company because our dog had run away and had been missing for 3 months , hes still gone. We got a pretty big cheque and had decided to give it to charity, we couldn’t keep it or spend it knowing it came from losing our pet because we cant have kids and he was our baby. However our friends, a couple we know went MAD even though its F**k all to do with them. Apparantly we are “Physcos” and “We are looking for attention handing that money over to charitys” and “We are attention seeking dogooders” . This from a couple who go on 2 holidays a year and think giving to charity is (in their words) “ Gay” ( I know even that description shows how childish they are)

My husband and I were in a supermarket recently and there were people outside handing bags out and asking people to buy a few things for needy familys at xmas and we put in about 20e worth of stuff because we had a bit extra money, then as we were leaving our “friends” walked in and when they saw the bag we handed in yelled out ”jesus doesn’t take much to tug at your heart strings” I was mortified.
===============================

These two paragraphs just jumped out at me. You both must have really loved your dog, & his loss must have hurt....yet you chose to donate the insurance to charity. It is clear from your post that you & your husband made a significant financial sacrifice in order to donate the money to charity. My hat is off to you both.

I think an earlier poster hit the nail right on the head, if you give to charity, others may feel guilty & resent you for it.

A few years ago I came into an inheritance & donated some of it to a charity. (Death of parent, relatively small donation to hospice) I mentioned it to one of my closest friends & he was..puzzled! It had come up in the course of an intimate conversation, and while he never gave me grief over it, he just didnt understand why my wife & I had done it, but at least he was respectful of my decision.

Are these people really your friends? Friendship is not just about knowing people for a long time. I know people from 30 years ago that I don't want to meet again, even though some still live nearby, and I know others from 6 years ago that I love.

Friends do not make comments in public that mortify you, that's for sure.

I hope this helps in some way. My hope for you is that you get the friends you deserve.

Best Regards,

- FoxT

spinandscribble

el Bastardo wrote: »

Horse manure! It's not letting yourself being bullied. Why do you want to yell from the treetops that you gave something to someone? Is it really pride or is being boastful? Make sure you know why you're being charitable!!!

I simply don't see the point in wasting my time on people who have no interest/respect for others. Its not in my power or concern to change people and neither is it the OPs. I would see it as disrespecting myself to let people waste my time knowingly.

I hope OP you have learnt who exactly is your friends and who is not. If you take anything from these incidents let it be that. You have a cause and you should stand by it.

tenchi-fan

They're not your friends. You obviously can't stand each other.

You should not discuss charity with them. Also, it was tacky of you to tell them you gave your pet insurance money to charity.

Moomoo1

el Bastardo wrote: »

Horse manure! It's not letting yourself being bullied. Why do you want to yell from the treetops that you gave something to someone? Is it really pride or is being boastful? Make sure you know why you're being charitable!!!

But does this mean they cannot fundraise in those people's workplace, like the previous poster suggested?

How can they fundraise without telling people they are trying to raise funds from that they are fundraising?

Sure, it's wrong to boast. But having to keep it a secret is equally wrong. There is a grey area in the middle.

If they had spent this money buying an expensive car, or jewellery, would you expect them to hide them out of those people's sight? Would it be wrong to say 'we bought X with the pet insurance money'? But how is spending money on goods different from giving to charity?

LegacyUser

tenchi-fan wrote: »

They're not your friends. You obviously can't stand each other.

You should not discuss charity with them. Also, it was tacky of you to tell them you gave your pet insurance money to charity.

If you read my post prop you will see that i did not tell them we gave the insurance money to charity. We donated it anonmysly at the charitys offices, however the desk clerk knew who i was and they put a thank you into the paper. And our friends read it

it doesn,t matter why they donate to charity on the scale that they do, whether they are kindhearted generous and caring or to pat themselves on the back ( although i think its the former) the point is who cares? someone benefits from their actions and thats the bottom line. OP, your post has put me to shame and i intend to make more of an effort to contribute this christmas, especially to st vincent de paul because of the bleak christmas a lot of families are going to have this year, i too have not a lot, i lost my job early this year, but im on top of my mortgage and feel very blessed with what i have.

Keep up the good work, feck the begrudgers, they will always be around so just step across them. god bless you

astra2000

Hi op I think the reason your friends have reacted like this is because it makes them feel uncomfortable and probably a little guilty. They are not true friends otherwise they wouldnt be judging you on anything let alone what you choose to spend your money on. If you choose to continue this friendship set some boundaries, if they make unwanted comments on how ye live yer lives tell them straight up that this is inappropriate and stop.
The only other reason I can see that they may have a problem with yer generosity is the fact that you are claiming welfare, is it possible they wonder why you claim this when you can afford to give a lot to charity?

Truley

OP fair play to you and your husband for being so generous. I will say one thing though, be wary of handing out money willy nilly to charities like this, especially the larger ones. Most of these organisations that look for money only are not run as charities but more like businesses, the money is used to fund staff, administration and promotion etc. Very little money is actually spent on helping people but rather proping up the 'charity' itself. Alot of these people get very very rich taking money by tugging on 'heart strings' as your friends so nicely put it.

Speaking as someone who has worked for numerous 'charities' I have to say it does annoy me when people go out of their way to give large sums of cash away, not because I'm selfish or jealous, but because I know that they are being 'suckered' out of their money with little to no idea of how it will be spent and a false idea of the actual good it will do. So yes, I would consider it sightly silly or reckless spending, on a par with gambling or a pyrimad scheme.

Every Christmas my boyfriend and I do a 200e grocery shop which we donate to the St Vincent de Paul. This way we know that the aid is going directly to people who need it. I would advise any of my friends to do the same and avoid simply throwing money into the hands of charities, albeit more tactfully than your friends did.

tinkerbell

OP, first of all I have to say fair play to you for donating so much to charity.

However, the first thought that I got from your post was that you quite possibly give off this impression to your friends: "I give so much money to charity, look at me". Why do your friends even know about all your charity giving? I know they've seen you donate the shopping bags etc and asking around work, but surely those are not the only incidents. Do you tell them on most occasions?

Personally I would think that if someone of my friends who were claiming welfare kept going on at me about how they were donating to this charity and that charity, it would really start to irritate me. It gives off the impression "oh look at me, aren't I great, I donate to charity all the time, and you don't, you're a terrible person, isn't it great that I can afford to give tons of money to charity all the time". It gives off the impression of boasting to be honest and you shouldn't be bragging about giving to charity. In fact, you don't even need to announce to the world that you give to charity. Giving to charity shouldn't be something that you feel you have to tell everyone about - it puts other people in an awkward position and makes them feel guilty or whatever, when they have priority financial committments to make.

Not saying you do boast about it, but that's the impression that I got from your post.

However, I do think that your friends are being twats about it with their comments, they are being very mean. But your constant charity comments are probably really annoying them.

One last thing - I think you need to get off your high horse about calling them "selfish" because they don't give to charity. They may have tons of reasons why they don't donate to charity, and selfish is not one of them. People don't have to give money to charity, it is a personal choice, not a requirement. This further makes me believe that the reason they are getting so annoyed with you is because of your attitude, rather than theirs.

Terri26

Ignore them! Speaking to you in such a manner is not on. There is nothing wrong with people saying they have donated charity if they wish to. That's how people get to know about charities and get more ppl involved with them
These people seem jealous you have the spare cash to do this and yes I agree they seem selfish. Not because they dont give to charity but the fact that they make comments that you do would suggest they wouldnt bother giving money to charity if they too had extra to spend.

I give money to charity and some of my friends don't - they do tease slighly about me being soft but never to that extent. Shame on them for making you feel about about it.

thefeatheredcat

dogooders? wrote: »

Apparantly we are “Physcos” and “We are looking for attention handing that money over to charitys” and “We are attention seeking dogooders” . This from a couple who go on 2 holidays a year and think giving to charity is (in their words) “ Gay” ( I know even that description shows how childish they are)

dogooders? wrote: »

My husband and I were in a supermarket recently and there were people outside handing bags out and asking people to buy a few things for needy familys at xmas and we put in about 20e worth of stuff because we had a bit extra money, then as we were leaving our “friends” walked in and when they saw the bag we handed in yelled out ”jesus doesn’t take much to tug at your heart strings” I was mortified.

Is it possible that your friends are more jealous of your situation and ability to afford money/energy/effort/generosity in giving to charity?

tbh there are always people like this; in one place I worked doing stuff and donating to charity was encouraged from the top down and many begrudged the idea of donating or helping at all. I'm a firm believer that a person will never understand giving to charity/helping those in need until the day one is the one in receipt of it.

Don't mind what people say/think about your efforts that you're making, which is very generous given the current situation. There are many more people out there that would be actively encouraged on hearing such generosity - does anyone recall the anonymous donation of €1million for the building of a Hospice in Wicklow? - and sets an example, that even in bleak economic times there is still kindness out there. Same with people volunteering over the cold spell in helping others, it actually has made a difference to people.

On donating to charity/helping those in need, my 80 year old neighbour, while discussing the stray cats in the area after her paying vets bills for one stray that was very ill (needed an operation and cost her a fair bit), she said that we all spend enough on ourselves and it's nice to be able to give something back for nothing; that cat is happy out and healthy since

However, just to add, don't judge your friends too harshly on not giving to charity; they deserved to be pulled up for their comments, certainly, but not everyone can donate money to charity and they may have certain reservations on doing so. I know myself I have certain reservations towards numerous charities on their collecting and chugger behaviour on all streets, for the high payment of directors of charities and mis-appropriation of charity funds....

I would say that they probably don't need reminding to do charity work and donate as perhaps they are not in the position to do so. Some people find some efforts that people make beyond their own capability and some is for recognition of doing a good thing, perhaps they have gotten the feeling that you're seeking constant approval in your acts? Charity is its own reward that does not seek recognition or praise in carrying it out, some forms of charity is a basic expectation of being human and having empathy.

panda100

tenchi-fan wrote: »

They're not your friends. You obviously can't stand each other.

You should not discuss charity with them. Also, it was tacky of you to tell them you gave your pet insurance money to charity.

+1
Bit of hypocricy in your post when you passed judgement on how they spend their money.If they want to go on two holidays a year then they can.If you want to give all your money to charity then so be it.

Zen65

Moomoo1 wrote: »

-however, the powers that be don't want us to be sympathetic

Really, they don't? But if that's the case why do they give tax relief (to the charities) to top up the donations from taxpayers?


Anyway, OP, I think the best option for you in the future is to be as discreet as possible about your donations. Good on you for using the insurance cheque to better the lives of others.


Be at peace,

Z

Chuchoter

Personally, what I'm getting from your post 'Is aren't I so great I gave all this money to charity and now these horrible selfish people are being mean to me'. You have no idea what their financial situation is and its vulgar to speak about how much you spend/give away to charity. When we were still in Celtic tiger days my family had no money at all and it drove me insane that when I didn't want to give away 10 euro to charity I was looked down on and called selfish.

MistyCheese

Well I think it shouldn't matter if you shout from the rooftops about your charitable donations. I'll wager all the money I have on me that they talk about their holidays (what they choose to do with their money). A lot of people crow about their possesions, their holidays, their hobbies aka the things they choose to do with their money. So you two choose to give to charity, you should be afforded exactly the same rights, no more, no less.

These people are supposed to be your friends. Friends don't say things across a supermarket. Friends pull you aside and say discreetly something like "You should know, talking about your charitable donations is getting peoples backs up and maybe you should tone it down" if that's how they feel.

I disagree with the opinion "Sure you obviously want recognition for your good deeds, look at you mentioning them all here" because you have given other personal information such as losing your dog and not being able to have children. You have my empathies on both counts. And I say empathies rather than sympathies because I feel sympathies sounds a bit patronising in this situation.

Bottom line, what you choose to do with your money is none of your friends' business and they have no more right to comment than if you were to say to them "WTF are you playing at, going away again on another holiday you psycho. You know, some people can't afford holidays right now and you're just rubbing their faces in it."

OS119

hi OP, i'd not be friends with people who used the kind of offensive language - and more importantly, sentiment - to me that these people used to, and about, you.

however, like other posters i found the tone of your post 'preachy' - and if that is the way you normally communicate on this issue then i can well understand how you might be rubbing people up the wrong way. something you might want to think about (in presentation terms, rather than in substance terms) is that you are happy to tell people that you are recieving social welfare, and in the same breath tell them that you buy food for charities, give away insurance money and are completely up to date with all your bills and have no financial worries.

given the financial situation Ireland is in, and that every working (and spending!) person is going to be paying higher taxes for the next lifetime to pay for Irelands relatively high social welfare levels and the attendant debts, you might want to consider that this can come across as 'you get to work a few hours more each month so i can give social welfare money away and then bragg about what a great person i am'.

not having a go at you because you're sensible, or that you give to charity, buts its just a thought about quite how you can come across to others...

Moomoo1

Zen65 wrote: »

Really, they don't? But if that's the case why do they give tax relief (to the charities) to top up the donations from taxpayers?

they have to: it would look terrible if they didn't

but subtly, they also instill the idea of 'not my problem', the idea that you shouldn't sympathise with your fellow human beings when they fall upon hard times. Because that way you and those fellow people are less likely to unite and demand rights from them.

at least that's how I read most of the contemporary media.

Moomoo1

OS119 wrote: »

is that you are happy to tell people that you are recieving social welfare, and in the same breath tell them that you buy food for charities, give away insurance money and are completely up to date with all your bills and have no financial worries.

surely in this day and age if you are financially prudent then you should try to set an example to others? We got into crisis because of bad debt, right? If you manage to run your household well on a tight budget, that's priceless in today's world. (I get a feeling from the OP's post that those other people can afford two holidays because they spend beyond their means and live in debt - that sort of irresponsible lifestyle should quite rightly be criticised given what has just happened).

also, surely it's good that you are putting your welfare money into charity? I'd much rather trust a charity with my money than a government, I can tell you that much.

OS119 wrote: »

given the financial situation Ireland is in, and that every working (and spending!) person is going to be paying higher taxes for the next lifetime to pay for Irelands relatively high social welfare levels and the attendant debts, you might want to consider that this can come across as 'you get to work a few hours more each month so i can give social welfare money away and then bragg about what a great person i am'

the reason we will pay higher taxes is due to the bankers screwing up. Not for any sort of welfare, which is pretty poor in Ireland.

Moomoo1

tinkerbell wrote: »

Personally I would think that if someone of my friends who were claiming welfare kept going on at me about how they were donating to this charity and that charity, it would really start to irritate me. It gives off the impression "oh look at me, aren't I great, I donate to charity all the time, and you don't, you're a terrible person, isn't it great that I can afford to give tons of money to charity all the time". It gives off the impression of boasting to be honest and you shouldn't be bragging about giving to charity. In fact, you don't even need to announce to the world that you give to charity. Giving to charity shouldn't be something that you feel you have to tell everyone about - it puts other people in an awkward position and makes them feel guilty or whatever, when they have priority financial committments to make.

say instead of giving the insurance money to charity they bought a brand new car

and told their friends 'we bought it with the insurance money'

would you think that's wrong? Unlikely.

but why should getting a car for yourself be something you can tell everyone, and giving money to charity should be something that needs to be concealed? Isn't there a contradiction in there?

OS119

Moomoo1 wrote: »

the reason we will pay higher taxes is due to the bankers screwing up. Not for any sort of welfare, which is pretty poor in Ireland.

you should look at the bailout figures - significantly more of the money being lent to Ireland is going into propping up government spending than is going into recapitalising the banks. Ireland had a structural deficit (it spent more on its day-to-day living costs than it earnt) long before the banks went cap in hand to the state, one of the problems Ireland has had is that its credit cards were on the full side before it needed to borrow lots of money to give/lend to the banks.

unemployment benefit in Ireland is approximately €190 per week. in the UK it is approximately £60 per week.

whatsamsn

Everyones different. You and your partner like to give. Others would see that as madness depending on "how giving" ... thats just life. Its just comes down to our experiences that shapes our views.
If these people are slagging you then you know they aint your friends. Cut them out. Because at the end of the day if they thought what you were doing was foolish they could of kept that to themselves rather than saying it to your face and certainely not going around telling people.

I know you said you just bumped into them outside a shop in one case but in future dont tell people about your charity. Alot of people will think you are bragging, showing off etc.

Scambuster

I think you have some issues myself. You need to be validated as being a nice person and you do this through charities. By coming on here you are looking for validation. you seem uncomfortable with these friends as they see through you.

JonathanAnon

dogooders? wrote: »

The same week there was a notice in the paper from an animal charity looking for donations of food and toys etc, so we donated the food and toys we had left over from our dog, plus we bought an extra few tins of stuff to throw in, and my husband made the mistake of asking the guys at work to donate a few bits, because when that got back to the other 2(they work in same place) they went around the factory calling me and my husband “spastics who show off all our money by boasting about giving to charity” They deny this but a few people have told me!

This is the only bit I can see wrong about what you did.. If somebody in work asked me for stuff I would be offended, as it puts you in the position where it's very difficult for you to refuse without being considered a miserable b*stard...

I would re-evaluate those "friends", they sound very immature.. But if they are not made aware of your donations, then they wont have anything to slag you about... You need to keep your anonymous donations more anonymous.

tinkerbell

Moomoo1 wrote: »

say instead of giving the insurance money to charity they bought a brand new car

and told their friends 'we bought it with the insurance money'

would you think that's wrong? Unlikely.

but why should getting a car for yourself be something you can tell everyone, and giving money to charity should be something that needs to be concealed? Isn't there a contradiction in there?

If ya read my post, you'd see that I said fair play to the OP for donating to charity.

I think that the OP did something incredibly noble by donating the insurance money. I just don't agree with the somewhat bragging attitude that the OP displays.

Moomoo1

OS119 wrote: »

you should look at the bailout figures - significantly more of the money being lent to Ireland is going into propping up government spending than is going into recapitalising the banks. Ireland had a structural deficit (it spent more on its day-to-day living costs than it earnt) long before the banks went cap in hand to the state, one of the problems Ireland has had is that its credit cards were on the full side before it needed to borrow lots of money to give/lend to the banks.

unemployment benefit in Ireland is approximately €190 per week. in the UK it is approximately £60 per week.

well, that's good isn't it, that the unemployed are well-supported? Sign of a civilised country. In the UK they get a pittance.

I can equally point you to sweden or denmark. where welfare is so much better... they seem to be able to afford it.

moreover, i don't think you can say 'unemployed people are receiving our money', because it's not our money, it's state money. It was our money when we had it, but we gave it to the state in taxes. Chances are, if the OP finds a job their friends will not be paying less tax, so how can one say that her being on welfare costs them anything?

anyway, we are going off at a tangent here...

Moomoo1

tinkerbell wrote: »

If ya read my post, you'd see that I said fair play to the OP for donating to charity.

I think that the OP did something incredibly noble by donating the insurance money. I just don't agree with the somewhat bragging attitude that the OP displays.

no, I wasn't talking about the act of giving, but precisely about what you call 'bragging' and I call 'mentioning in passing'. If you buy a car with pet insurance money and you have those people who you think are close friends then you'd tell them. But then why are you expected to hide from them the fact that you gave to charity?