My new guy

LegacyUser

Hey Started seeing this guy recently and we get on really well.We're seeing eachother alot now.Thing is a girl I was friends with ,is his ex.She spoke to him, commented on us.However, that, Im not worried about but Its the fact he has no idea about our history.

She was a frenemy who drove me crazy and I had no confidence,she bullied me.In a "nice" way and I hated myself, to depression point.Now after cutting her out, 2 years later, shes back.I dont want to say stole, but infact,she did lure my ex away from me and smiled to my face about all of it at the time.Its just, I dont mind guys having exes, or being civil but its the fact this girl affected my life so badly,it took two years to rebuild my confidence and my value in myself.

Not sure I should tell him because we only have been seeing eachother for a month and it could be twisted on me if he ever said it back to her or confinded in her, because thats exactly what she does.And Im not the only one to have experienced her bullying.She is poison and manipulates everything.And theyre friendly.But I cant stomach being in the same room as her.I havent expressed any resentment about her to him but Im afraid if I tell him, he'll also side with her as he was with her first. Help me please. I dont want to ruin this, we're getting on so well.

LegacyUser

First of all, bear in mind that she's his ex, probably for a reason.

If you meet someone and very early on, you start going on about how evil anyone or everyone is, it doesn't reflect well on you. That may not be fair in some cases, but it's still true.

One thing you could do is hang on a bit. Avoid this person if she makes you feel negatively about yourself, as much as you can in this situation. She may simply behave differently in a new situation, or she may not.

If she doesn't repeat the previous behaviour, then no problem.

If she does, take a note of precise things she does which you believe are negatively aimed towards you - maybe even write them down. Be careful to distinguish carefully between her behaviour and your reaction to it; focus solely on the former. Try to see them from someone else's point of view - would it be clear to them that they are negative?

If you can point to two or three concrete things that she does, have a word with your new guy, and calmly explain that you felt very negatively about yourself before, that you felt she contributed to it, and that the examples you can give make you feel that this is likely to start up again.

Ask the guy to be understanding about this. Don't order him to cut contact, just ask him to be understanding.

whatsamsn

Totally agree with the above.

Wait and hang on for a bit and try to avoid this girl. If she does do the aforementioned two or three concrete things then have a word with your bf. And as anAnswer said come off as wanting him to understand (so it doesnt backfire)

All I can add is just think things through because multiple scenearios can happen here. This girl sounds like a right piece of work. The type I reckon that would be happy to break you two up. Especially after you talk to your bf about her.

I would expect her to try and get in yours BF's ear then. To smear and destroy. So i reckon its eventually going to come down to what your bf does. If he sides with her (albeit because of her influencing) cut him off .... but its too early to see if things will go down that road. So just think things through and be wise to her reactions knowing her character traits.

LegacyUser

He told me theres nothing between them anymore.Funny, I saw him comment on FB saying she looked stunning, where I can clearly see it?

I think I know how this is gonna play out. I mean, why tell me your over someone, and then say stuff like that so openly? Seriously?
My point is, whats being said in private Knew it