foodcrisis

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

I go through periods of being strict with my self foodwise, days when i would really watch what i eat, count every calorie as it goes in my mouth.i could be good for a few days, and one bad thing and i spiral out of control into a binge of a disgusting amount of food.i would eat a lot, to the point of being so full and in pain that i have to make myself sick. i can no longer manually make myself sick anymore i think my body does not have the relfex anymore. this has been only going on since the start of the summer. i feel so quilty...

i know what i am doing is wrong but i cannot stop myself.ii feel like food is taking over my life.when i am not eating i am thinking about food all the time.i was lying here comforting myself to sleep by making a long list of all the foods i want to binge on tomorow when all my housemates leave for college when i realised i MUST stop myself. i have looked up the bodywhys website, and i know i will NOT go see a counsellor, i am 100percent sure that if i am to beat this i will be doing it bymyself.

just wondering if anyone has been through this can they offer any advice?i want to beat this cycle before its too late.i am so ashamed i will NEVER tell anyone so there is no point suggesting it.please help

Nevyn

You wont' get through this on your own.
I understand that it's about control and feeling the loss of that when you binge but you need help and professional help.

Start by talking to your dr, you are doing damage to your body and your teeth when you binge and purge.

You've started the process of looking for help, yes talking about it very very hard but you can do it.

LegacyUser

I'd second that. Eating disorders are highly treatable, if you treat them. You will beat this very efficiently, if you get the proper care. You are not ill, you just have very skewered ways of thinking about food. If you talk to your GP about this in a very open way, he/she will be able to guide you through some possibilities. I'd definitely try and get to one as soon as possible as it appears from your message that it's really bothering. Taking a small action like posting here, or telling a close friend, will give you some reassurance, but no one can inform you better than your own GP. I know of some people who were in the same position. They went to counseling, but it was more food-counseling rather than emotional counseling. They would eat small amounts of food and write down their attitudes etc. It's really a rational way of dealing with the problem.

As the above poster said, your teeth and body will suffer because of your behaviours. Your mind too is also suffering, it seems. Why put yourself through this? If you're set on not going to counseling (which I think is nonsense, counseling is one of the main treatments for eating disorders), the GP will suggest other forms of treatment! You could be sitting at the Christmas dinner table, eating your turkey dinner if you get this done sooner rather than later! A lot of progress could be made between now and then.

Stay safe.

LegacyUser

Hi, word for word you've basically summed up how I was last year. I'd eat so well and then ruin it in one sitting by eating horrendous amounts of food. and then felt utter guilt and disgust at myself to the point of self harm. I hate to think of anyone else going through this and your post reminded me so much of me.
I didn't want professional help either, I just wanted to take control. it was all about control. But it's almost impossible to get better without help. if you had the tools to fix it there'd be no problem.
So I strongly advise talking to someone, professional or not. Plan your meals and take control in that way, allow for treats so you don't end up bingeing. if you think about eating foods as being good or bad you're going to have problems, food is for nutrition full stop. I feel like I have so much to say to you cos I really want to help but I don't want you write too much!
Basically try get help. Forget calorie counting, you deserve a healthy relationship with food. Deprival will just lead to desire, you can have treats. Maybe try find non food treats. exercise can get your mind off food and make you feel good. keep yourself occupied, those constant thoughts of food need to go. get out of the house away from food.
best of luck, you can get past this I really believe you can

Princess Peach

That is the exact same reason I stopped myself being sick, because I lost my gag reflex. Plus my mother caught me twice, I managed to lie myself out of by telling her I was sick but I knew if she caught me again she wouldn't believe it, and she had suspicions cause she knows I have issues with food.

I was going to counselling after I stopped for other reasons. But I never brought up my binging with her. Why is it you don't want to go to a counselor? I think if that was the reason I was going I would have spoken about it. I think the reason I didn't bring it up was because I had stopped.

Sometimes now my eating does get a bit out of control. I haven't made myself sick, but I do get serious guilt. And especially with Christmas coming up, and I have this odd thought in my mind that since its been so long maybe my reflex might have come back.

I just hope that I have the self control not to binge, and I hope that if I do purge, I'll make myself go back to counselling afterwards. I tried to beat this by myself, but I still have a lot of issues with eating and my weight, and I'm not happy about it. I do think counselling is the only I'm ever going to get past my issues, even if I have stopped the purging, but its only for now.

beks101

If you starve yourself for days at a time, which is what you are doing when you are 'being strict', you will inevitably binge. This isn't a weakness in you, it's human physiology. Have a read of this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minnesota_Starvation_Experiment if you get a chance - a lot of the symptoms you're experiencing - obsessing about food, fantasising about food etc - are a direct result of starving yourself.

OP it will be extremely difficult if not impossible to recover from this on your own. You need to change the way you view food, develop a positive body image and find healthy coping mechanisms for your emotions - all which can be done over time through counselling. It's not what you want to hear but it's the truth of the situation.

As you know it's not about food, it's about how you feel about yourself, so no 'perfect meal plan' is going to rescue you - this will only help in conjunction with the above. You should get in touch with your college counsellor - free as far as I remember - as a first port of call and it would serve you well to give Bodywhys a call too. Best of luck, I hope things improve for you.

tenchi-fan

I used to do really well with diets and then eat 12 of those snack-size bars and 6 packs of crisps.
I lived at home and my dad made my lift very stressful. I used to tell my mother not to buy that sort of junk but she did anyway. So, practically zero support there.
You'll probably find you have some unresolved issues and that why you're trying to control your food intake.

Anyway, starving doesn't work even if you can do it for months at a time. It just makes you think about food the whole time. Eventually you will go back to binging. You're much better off eating smaller meals 4 times a day. Take time to prepare fresh food each time with plenty of vegetables and between meals snack on fruit and nuts. Simply don't buy any of the junk food you'll usually binge on so the temptation won't be there.

sporina

foodcrisis wrote: »

Hi everyone,

I go through periods of being strict with my self foodwise, days when i would really watch what i eat, count every calorie as it goes in my mouth.i could be good for a few days, and one bad thing and i spiral out of control into a binge of a disgusting amount of food.i would eat a lot, to the point of being so full and in pain that i have to make myself sick. i can no longer manually make myself sick anymore i think my body does not have the relfex anymore. this has been only going on since the start of the summer. i feel so quilty...

i know what i am doing is wrong but i cannot stop myself.ii feel like food is taking over my life.when i am not eating i am thinking about food all the time.i was lying here comforting myself to sleep by making a long list of all the foods i want to binge on tomorow when all my housemates leave for college when i realised i MUST stop myself. i have looked up the bodywhys website, and i know i will NOT go see a counsellor, i am 100percent sure that if i am to beat this i will be doing it bymyself.

just wondering if anyone has been through this can they offer any advice?i want to beat this cycle before its too late.i am so ashamed i will NEVER tell anyone so there is no point suggesting it.please help

Hi OP, first of all, it is great that you are doing something about this. Awareness is very important to get you on the road to recovery.
Can I ask, why are you so oppose to getting therapy? I have a lot of experience in the field of ED's (eating disorders) and it can be very difficult for sufferers to recover alone. It seems that your relationship with food is gone askew and it it will be work to get it back to basics. However in order to really recover, you will need to get to the route of the problem i.e. why you need to control food - are there other aspects of your life that you cannot control.

People think that you have to be underwt to have an ed - but this is a myth. There are many other types - of which you probably already know. And the thing about Binge ED is that the quilt and self hatred is so great which is in turn detrimental to your mental well being.

If you do need help I suggest CBT - congitive behavioral therapy.You will need to work on your motives behind your need to control food as well as work on the bad habits that you have developed.

In the mean time, try to eat a normal balanced diet - this will help reduce the endless thinking of food. Also try and have a good routine and engage in hobbies, be sociable - meet friends, family etc. Exercise will help you feel better too.

Bodywhys are well equipped to help with these issues - give them a call if you need to talk.

The quicker you nip this in the bud the better - before it becomes the norm for you.

kylith

I too would recommend talking to someone about your issues with food. They are not there to judge you, they're there to help, and no matter what you tell them they'll have heard worse.

When I was getting over stress starving myself I found that it helped to have a written plan of what I was going to eat each day so that I knew what I was going to eat and I could psycologically prepare myself for it; breakfast - porridge, lunch - chicken salad, and so forth. I do the same now if I find myself getting into old habits. Try not to think about calories. It can also help to graze; eat a little bit every hour rather than try to face a full plate every 6 hours.

I found it really helpful to talk to someone, it doesn't have to be a counsellor, in my case it was an old and trusted friend. The stress of keeping my food habits secret added to the stress that was stopping me eating.

LegacyUser

Op here, thank you so much for your replies i really appreciate it. i am really going to take the advice of keeping a diary and trying to eat regular meals.for the past while i would just eat a bowl of cereal and a dinner for maybe 3 days and then a huge binge.disgusting.i know it is prob from depriving it for those days but i am finding it hard to balance.i wish i could just say no completely to chocolate cakes fatty foods, i am an all or nothing kind of girl.one bite of chocolate..and then i am shovelling cakes, multipacks of bars,icecream and packets of biscuits down my throat until i am repulsing my whole self into the toilet.there are no words to explain how worthless i feel after this..pathethic.

i know what i am doing, i am a smart individual but i cant help myself.i am greedy.i want to be slimmer and i love food to the point of addiction.but its so so hard...because i cant exactly give up food. i need it and so i must learn to manage it.things hopefully are looking up.i had planned the mother of all binges when i had a free house this evening but as it turns out it wasnt free.hopefully this will set me up for the week

im thinking of putting away money each day i would have normally spent on food and save it to buy a new dress or something.i hope i have not done serious damage in the few months...my gag reflex is gone but can it come back?i nearly choked while eating my dinner a couple of weeks ago and i said to myself this is it..never again.

as regards a counsellor..i just cannot bring myself to express all this. its not going to happen. i am going to do this on my own because i cannot deal with the shame of anyone knowing about this.i will feel ten times worse even putting my friends or family through this.looking at them eating away not a bother i compare myself and wonder how i got myself into this mess and im sure it stems down to my lack of confidence and self worth.

and so in trying to feel better by comfort eating i make myself feel completely worthless

christmas will be my nightmare..food in abundance everywhere.someone said it is all about controll..its mad how i feel completely out of control while trying to stay in control.
i hope i can beat this, i am going to try my best.
thanks for your support x