getting back together after a break up

LegacyUser

hi i've recently started seeing a guy i went out with before. he broke up with me and wanted some time to deal with some personal issues he had. i was crazy about him and it took me a while to get over him but i did and eventually started to enjoy being single agian, anyway fast forward a year and he's made contact again lots of flirting and craic, i want to give things a go with him and think i'll always wonder otherwise. just wondering are there any success stories out there, anybody ever been in a similar situation?

Nevyn

Yes it can work out but only if things are different.
Some times people go through stuff and just can't be in a relationghips while they work things out and sometimes it's best that way rather then you having to suffer through it with them. I can understand you being cautious as he ended things last time but
you could go on a few dates with him to see how things are and how your feel.

LegacyUser

It worked for me. Went out for over a year, split up for 11 months. Got back together 10 years ago, now happily married with 2 kids!

desmurphy

did you sleep with other people during the break-up?

Neyite

it can work, but only if the reasons you split in the first place are not going to be a factor in your present relationship. if not, you will only be splitting again down the line.

i know a couple who went out for a year, split for a year and got back together. they are now planning their wedding.

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies. the issue that caused the split in the first place has been dealt with so i really don't think that will be a factor again. and during the split i know he slept with other people,they were casual things.

Canluum

desmurphy wrote: »

did you sleep with other people during the break-up?

This doesn't matter a bean.

desmurphy

it does matter, if she has been with someone he wont find it easy

Canluum

desmurphy wrote: »

it does matter, if she has been with someone he wont find it easy

Then he has issues... stemming from insecurity, patriarchal virgin fascination and immaturity. It's his problem. He has no right to seek ownership over her sexuality and should grow up and get over it.



In reality he should be happy, experience has obvious benefits.

banquo

"Patriarchal virgin fascination"? Seriously?

whatsamsn

Canluum wrote: »

This doesn't matter a bean.

It does matter. But not in the ops situation. She was away from him a year. But on the subject it matters, of course depending on time. If two people break up for any extreme short amount of time, eg a week and one party slept with someone else? .. Total deal breaker. I for one could never get back with someone in those circumstances.


Op, no one can tell you if things will work out with him. Sadly thats asking to see the future. However you can use common sense. Look back to your relationship with him.
I am getting the impression things didnt end bad. So thats good. Obviously if they ended bad then yes you would be mad to go back with him.
Not to be a synic in life but many a person has used "Personal issues right now" as a cheap way to break up with someone. So really evaluate things and dare I say check if what he said was legit.

Canluum

whatsamsn wrote: »

But on the subject it matters, of course depending on time. If two people break up for any extreme short amount of time, eg a week and one party slept with someone else? .. Total deal breaker. I for one could never get back with someone in those circumstances

Unfortunate attitude but I suppose understandable given if it was just one week... i.e. giving a grace period to change mind or get over whatever personal crap one is faced with.

anyway fast forward a year and he's made contact again

A year though... and he broke up with her? It's absolutely no business of his how many guys she has slept with.

not in the ops situation. She was away from him a year.

Which is what I was referring to when I said it doesn't matter a bean. Which it doesn't, in this case.

LegacyUser

Hi,

Just thought I'd share my own experience and a couple of thoughts.

I was 'the guy' in the scenario above. Going out with a girl for several years, broke up (due to my 'issues' ... essentially I wanted to be young, free 'n easy). Fast forward 7 months and 'the girl' was moving on. Well ... I didn't like that! We've now been together for 3 years and more committed than ever.

Caveats are ... I had to work INCREDIBLY HARD to win back her trust. I think that was key to our successful reunion. Over the course of several months I was slowly allowed back into her life.

I've seen plenty of other couples try and fail to reunite. I am aware of 2 other successful reunions which closely mirrored my own. Essentially, a fully contrite man who now knows 110% that this woman is the only woman for him. A man who can explain exactly WHY it went wrong first time, and why it WON'T go wrong this time.

My advice to you would be to make it every bit as hard for him as it was for me. Make it clear to him that you have your own life now - your own future. One that doesn't necessarily involve him. Don't misunderstand me ... I don't mean to be 'nasty' or 'mean' to him. You should continue to communicate clearly. It's clear you care a lot for him and there's no problem telling him this. If this guy really loves you he will stick the course and he will earn the trust that he MUST earn if your future is to be successful!

p.s. I would definitely hold off on the physical side of the relationship until you're 100% satisfied your issues have been ironed out. Took me 2 months to get back to hand-holding and I respected her all the more for it!

whatsamsn

Canluum wrote: »

Unfortunate attitude but I suppose understandable given if it was just one week... i.e. giving a grace period to change mind or get over whatever personal crap one is faced with.

isnt an "unfortunate attituide" its a realistic attitude.