Don't fancy him anymore

Derjo

Been with my OH for 10 years and the past year or sohe's really let himself go by piling on the weight so bad. I just don't fancy him anymore but can't bring myelf to say anything to him in case I hurt his feelings.
Sex is such a chore now as I just can't get turned on by him.
I feel so fickle for even posting on this but we have an 11 month old baby now and I haven't put on any weight at all.
Should I say something and if so how would I broach it?
Thanks

AJG

You've been with him 10 years. He'd probably appreciate you just being straight with him.

IrishEyes19

But do you love him?

I can understand the attraction sexually diminishes if he's gained weight and such and hasn't been healthy, but surely emotional love is still there, or has that dimished also for other reasons. People can always lose weight if they want too, so I may be wrong, but surely its not only his appearance thats bothers you???

Sunshineboo

Maybe you could encourage him to lose weight in a nice way? if he takes you up on this and loses weight and you still don't fancy him, there is no point in staying.

Darlughda

Sunshineboo wrote: »

Maybe you could encourage him to lose weight in a nice way? if he takes you up on this and loses weight and you still don't fancy him, there is no point in staying.

They have a baby for goodness sake!
Unless this weight business is an excuse to look for an out on your relationship, I cannot believe that you are totally gone off the same man due to excess weight!

Bully for you, you didn't manage to put on baby weight, a hell of lot of women face that kind of turned offness from their partners, and truth be told any fella posting here complaining that they are not turned on by their partner anymore because of weight put on, especially in such circumstances, would be flayed apart.

Sounds like you are looking for an excuse to dump this guy.

Otherwise, if you are genuinely concerned about his health, how about organising and including him in with healthy eating options at mealtimes and thinking up fun ways to spend time together that involves burning calories?

Wagon

Darlughda wrote: »

Unless this weight business is an excuse to look for an out on your relationship, I cannot believe that you are totally gone off the same man due to excess weight!

If he sits on his arse and does nothing, what does he expect? Yeah yeah, as we get older we all fall apart but there's no harm in keeping yourself looking nice.

It's not shallow to go off someone because they get fat or just let themselves go. There's a big difference between aging and being a lazy sack of ****e.

OP: Tell him straight out that the weight has put you off a lot. If a girlfriend told me that, I'd join a gym the next day. Don't expect miracles but once he starts to do something about it, it should get the attraction flowing again.

beks101

I think the OP is well within her rights here - relationships require effort in all areas including attraction towards one another. Presumably he wasn't overweight when she started going out with him, why should she have to get used to it now?

If his weight gain isn't a result of illness or new meds etc and is just from crap diet/lack of exercise, then I'd suggest you sit him down and just be straight with him - this may be the kick up the aRse he needs. Being comfortable in a relationship isn't an excuse to let yourself go.

There's also the chance he's been feeling down about himself and the weight gain is a physical manifestation of this. Just be sensitive and considerate towards him OP. Ask him how he is, is there anything bothering him etc. It's important to be supportive and maybe even suggest joining a gym, attempting healthy eating together. But do let him know that it's having an impact on your sex life - you owe him that honesty.

Apolloyon

To be honest, let's be realistic. People DO change in relationships and in ten years, they're going to change a good bit. Men will grow beards, shave them off, lose their hair or go grey. Jobs and even careers can be changed or unfortunately people can lose them. There are so many factors that can affect a long term relationship. The OP needs to look at her relationship objectively, is it really just a bit of weight that has suddenly changed her view of her OH. Is this just a symptom of real problems within the relationship? I would have a real think about where you see this relationship in another year, in five and in ten more years. A good talk about where you both see yourselves going is probably on the cards in anycase.

curlzy

Just be honest with him OP, I'm sure he'll make an effort if you do. Also don't have sex with him if it's such a chore, you'll end up resenting him if you do.

Derjo

Thanks everyone for the replies.
I think I will have to say it but I really don't know how to broach it
I know if it were the other way round I would hate it but it would give me the kick up the arse I needed to do something about it.
I suppose the problem as well is our sex life has alwasy just been a wham bam thank you mam. No foreplay, just a "any chance of a ride"!! Sorry to be so blunt but I guess I put up with it when I fancied him but now I just can't face it anymore. He knows I need more than this as I'm sick saying it. He just hasn't a clue how to treat a woman and he says so himself.
He never EVER compliments me or says anything positive but he will always be quick to point out my faults. Like if I wear something that doesn't suit me, he will tell me straight away and I never say anything like that to him.
So thanks again but some people are right I think, it is more than just the weight. Reading back over this post proves that.

S23

This is another thread that starts out as one thing and then develops into another.

It began as a thread about the posters OH weight gain. Now we have

He never EVER compliments me or says anything positive but he will always be quick to point out my faults. Like if I wear something that doesn't suit me, he will tell me straight away and I never say anything like that to him.

other issues arising

OP, it should be easy enough to broach. I mean if you really have gone off him that much physically he must have gained a hell of a lot of weight in 11 months.

How much are we talking. I'm presuming at least a couple of stone. The simplest way to approach it is from a health standpoint. It's just not healthy to have massive weight gain in a short space of time.