Trust and letting go

LegacyUser

I don't even know where to start; I met someone wonderful over 4 years ago, she left to move abroad a few months after we met, it was amazing, turbulent at the thought of her leaving and fear of falling in love and then having to part, which is what happened. We kept in contact with her hot and cold; she broke me. One minute all about me and things being amazing spending hours on the phone and traveling back and forth to each other, then not hearing from her for days/weeks. If i did something she didn't like, it was game over, she couldn't do it, I wasn't for her. I thought I was going insane, so I left to travel myself. I loved her so much but she hurt me in not asking me to come to her, not wanting a relationship but contacting me and telling me how much she loved me and missed me. She maintained she wanted me in her life, how she couldn't handle me not being part of it.

I went traveling, slowly put myself back together, got a new look on life; Cut contact with her to move on but she broke after 3 months, saying how much she missed me and loved me; after that I contacted her every while; it was always intense, she loved me, I loved her, missed each other so much. I got back a year ago and she came home for christmas. We ended up together and deciding to give it a go, long distance, she was kind of with someone but she wasn't bothered with that person, it wasn't me, she was so glad I was back. I was sceptical, but said I'd give it a go. It was the first time she really wanted it.

So she went back, freaked out and just stopped contacting me, I went insane, gave her 20 missed calls, just lost it. I thought we could do it, but she wouldn't return my calls, my texts, only contacting me when she wanted to. So i cut again, she would contact me every 2 weeks or so, via messenger, and I would respond, again she was telling me she loved me, missed me; I wasn't forthcoming. Warmed up to her after about 6 months and agreed to meet her when she was home, we hit it off, she was with the person she had been seeing before, in a relationship with her but we kissed. Felt she was cheating on me, how she saw our life together. she went back and ended things with the persons she had been seeing, and then moved home, saying she had to be with me, she was losing me and didn't want that. (I had been seeing someone too).

So she's home. I can't forgive her, being an ass to her, she was at the start nice, a little over bearing but there wasn't anything there for me, it was boring, we practically moved in together, I was so hurt over the past, over her being with someone else the last year even though she was telling me she loved me and missed me. I didn't trust her. So I checked her messages, there was some from her ex, saying i love you, miss you, would come to Ireland, thought it was over but glad it wasn't. I went mad, I shouldn't have read her texts but I knew, she had pulled back and I just knew.

She's having a hard time being back, only back 2 months, can't settle, not connecting to anyone.

I have wanted her home for so long, wanted our life to begin together but now she's here, it's not the same, I can't get over the past, Im on edge, picking fights, not acting myself, afraid she will just piss off again, afraid she is doing the same to the person she was with as she did to me, keeping them on a string. It's making me act crazy.

Can I ever get over the past, and put my neurosis aside to be able to trust her again? Im so angry.

whatsamsn

Trusting123 wrote: »

Can I ever get over the past, and put my neurosis aside to be able to trust her again? Im so angry.

Can you trust her?


Short answer: Hell no.
Long answer: She either doesnt know what she wants or she is just a user (i think its the latter) ... All this "I love and miss you" is boll*x in my opinion. She was with a guy over there (granted you were seeing someone too) but she was in a relationship with the guy while saying she missed you. Now that she is with you, shes texting him?

Walk op. You cant trust her and you are putting yourself at risk to be hurt.

Cheap Thrills!

Oh my God OP, should you learn to trust this girl?

NO. WAY.

She is a user, she doesn't want you or him, she wants it all. You can't trust her because your instincts are telling you what is obvious, she's trouble.

I'm not sure if this is your first love? But it's not supposed to be like this. She's just doing what's convenient and forgive me, I'm going to be blunt. She will continue with that as long as you two let her.

If you want to see your future look to the past. Angst, uncertainty, declarations of love, interspersed with weeks of ignoring you.

It wouldn't suprise me if the other guy was pulling her strings, maybe when he goes cold on her she just HAS to contact you and tell you she loves you, but when all is rosy you don't hear a dicky bird.

You mention your 'neurosis' -I'm not suprised your nerves are shattered with this carry on. But at the end of the day the only person volunteering for this is you. She's going to have her cake and eat it as long as there are enough mugs to entertain it. Sorry but that's what's going on in her brain.

At any time she could up and feck off with someone else, that's who she is. She wants attention and drama, amour-fou and all that stuff.

My advice. Get the hell away from her. She will only bring you pain.

FoxT

After what you have been through, you are no longer able to trust her.

no trust = no relationship.

Game over, Walk away.