Involved in a row not of my own making!

LegacyUser

My Missus has involved me in a row that must only resolve
itself in fistycuffs - what should I do?

Goddamn women! She had a falling out with one of her (admittigly
bitchy-bloke housemates) but the more I hear about the row
the more I'm slightly beginning to think there's a whole lot
she's not telling me. So now I have to wade into a full-on
agro house and defend her honour when I'm questioning the
validity of her argument myself.

What should I do? We're only going out three months. She's been
living with the blokes about five months. Aparantly the rows
have only started when 'I came on the scene' - according to
her. I.e. my presence in the house has started some kind of
caveman reaction in these guys. Fook sake. I'm the least
aggressive guy in the world! Am I being used?

Ickle Magoo

We cannot advocate violence and if the thread looks like heading in that direction, it will be locked.

/takes mod hat off

It's 2010...why must fisticuffs be involved and why are you allowing yourself to be dragged into a mess not of your making? Refuse to get involved, it's not your fight; metaphorically or literally.

Three month relationship and she's expecting you to swing/take punches for her from some other poor bloke she's only know five months?! I'd be finding myself a new girlfriend if I was you.

Sauve

If this argument has nothing to do with you, other than the fact that your girlfriend is involved, you have no business getting tangled up in it.
Unless, of course, your girlfriend is afraid that these guys might hurt her.
In which case, she needs to move out and make a report to the police.
Stay out of it OP.

LegacyUser

It's pretty much nothing to do with me... at least I hope. I mean she's very upset that these guys that she moved in with are treating her terribly, accusing her of stealing their milk! I know this last thing is not true since I bought her last litre of milk! Basically, one of the guys is a bit nuts and wants her out of the flat. Inevitably I have to be involved since I'm seeing herself. What can I do? There's going to be a bit of a showdown tomorrow, since I said I'd accompany her to her flat and face down the two guys and their accusations. But there's a niggling part of me that says 'she's not telling me the whole truth' - hmmm... I hate that! I'm going on good faith here, I need facts goddamn it, before I risk getting beaten up!

Ickle Magoo

I'm still not understanding why you have to get involved. She's a grown woman - one you've only known for a few months. If she's having issues with flatmates then the sane and mature thing to do is for her to move out & find new accommodation, not try to set up fight-night between new flatmates and new beau. Stay well out of it, gently remind her it's 2010 and the days that fellas had to defend their maidens honour over allegations of milk theft, no less, are well and truly over and encourage her to find somewhere else to live.

All the best

LegacyUser

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I'm still not understanding why you have to get involved. She's a grown woman - one you've only known for a few months. If she's having issues with flatmates then the sane and mature thing to do is for her to move out & find new accommodation, not try to set up fight-night between new flatmates and new beau. Stay well out of it, gently remind her it's 2010 and the days that fellas had to defend their maidens honour over allegations of milk theft, no less, are well and truly over and encourage her to find somewhere else to live.

All the best

Hey - it's not easy to stay out of your oh's problems, trust me. They make their problems yours. They're smart like that. Anyway, I'm picking her up after work tomorrow, we're going back to hers where she says she's been given an ultimatum, basically 'get out' - she's been going through a lot of personal stuff anyway. This is the least thing she needs. I feel I should be there for her. Taking her on her word the guys she's living with are @ssholes. But I still want to hear their side of the story. So hence wanting to go there tomorrow. Ah, happy days! Why do I get myself involved?

Ickle Magoo

I've had my fair share of other-halves, getting dragged into silly skirmishes over something as ridiculous as stealing milk or demanding they come play police or bouncer in a place they don't pay rent never came into it.

I'm not sure you are being dragged into anything, you've gone from your missus involving you in something to asking why you get yourself involved. You have ample reason, justification and cause not to go near it with a bargepole, you seem quite determined to allow yourself to get dragged in despite not even wholly believing her version of events - what advice are you looking for?

tenchi-fan

You need to engage your brain here.

How will it look if you turn up in the house with the intention of "fistycuffs" :rolleyes: and assault this guy in his own home? You're talking about a criminal record and possible jail-time. And if he wins the fight, he could happily knife you and say it was self-defence. The law doesn't favour idiots.

The fact that you know your girlfriend is probably instigating the row means you would have a very weak mind to get involved. Tell your gf to cop on and move out if she's not happy.

Pebbles68

So, you go to her place, let yourself get involved, things get out of hand and punches are thrown. What good can come of it?
You win? Her life is made even more miserable while you're not with her.
You lose? Her life is made more miserable because they know you can do nothing about it.
Either way she has to move out.
WOuld you really take a beating for someone who you only know 3 months and as you say yourself, maybe not telling you the truth?

LittleBook

Compromised - must fight! wrote: »

They make their problems yours

How exactly has she made this problem yours? Does she actually expect you to physically "defend her honour"? Has she said this?

Or is she simply looking for a bit of moral support from her boyfriend in a tricky situation?

Compromised - must fight! wrote: »

a row that must only resolve itself in fistycuffs

I have to wade into a full-on agro house

Compromised - must fight! wrote: »

There's going to be a bit of a showdown tomorrow, since I said I'd accompany her to her flat and face down the two guys

Compromised - must fight! wrote: »

I'm the least aggressive guy in the world!

Honestly, you don't come across as the least aggressive guy in the world. Even your username is "must fight"! You sound like you're going looking for and fully expecting violence. You don't "have" to do anything other than perhaps help your girlfriend move out.

LegacyUser

Some sage advice here peeps. Yeah, just texting herself this morning. Things seem to have quietened down. Still bulling over some of the stuff they've accused her of, I think it's best I not go there today. I still feel a bit suspicious over the whole thing - it's not the first compromised situation I've been involved in since I met her...

angelfire9

I have to say I would NEVER ask my hubby to get involved in an argument I am having with someone else I am normally perfectly capable of defending myself

Are you sure she isn't just asking you to tag along for moral support?

I honestly don't know any decent woman who would expect her OH to get involved in a physical altercation to defend her honour
Especially over a litre of milk! :rolleyes:

There is something going on here that either she is not telling you or you are not telling us!

Tag along for moral support by all means but keep your hands in your pockets where they belong, this is NOT your fight!

Wibbs

Compromised - must fight! wrote: »

it's not the first compromised situation I've been involved in since I met her...

In three months? Sheesh that right there would raise red flags for me. About her and you. What I mean by that is are you someone who needs to get "stuck in" in situations like this? Especially over partners? Yea support is a good thing, but not getting too extreme is even better. You also seem to have the idea of "women just being like this/duplicitous/drama queens". Is this the kind you've tended to go out with, cos they're defo not all like that. Easy rut to get into as well, if your first fw GFs are like that you'll naturally assume they're all like that. Been there Ted. But again trust me they're not. Not an attack on you BTW, but if you are that kinda guy and you wouldnt be alone by any means, then the very last person you need is a drama llama(if that's what she is) as a girlfriend. You'll feed off and enable each other.

You seem suspicious of her motives and her story about this. Have you good reason to be? Is she a drama llama? If she suggested you "sort these guys out" then IMHO run, don't walk to the nearest relationship exit. Or sit her down and calmly tell her you'll support her in moving, but this is not your fight as you don't know all the sides and even if it was your fight you're not gonna get aggressive with these guys.

dan_d

Ah here.Are you a man or a mouse???!!!

<snip>
No violence. End of. And let things sit. It's very easy to go storming into an argument in the heat of the moment, but 2 days later, it's a bit silly and most people realise that. Everything looks different after a night's sleep!

I think sitting down and talking to her - for a long time - is point number one. See how it goes from here. You are not going to walk into a flat and be beaten up by 2 random men out of the blue. You do have some control here.

Zen65

Compromised - must fight! wrote: »

My Missus has involved me in a row that must only resolve
itself in fistycuffs - what should I do?

As a martial arts / self defence instructor I can tell you without question that there is only one occasion where "fistycuffs" is warranted or effective, and that's to fend off a physical attack which cannot be avoided.

Life is not like Hollywood, and a dispute will never be resolved by violence. All that happens is that the violence will escalate and continue, involving more people and increased aggression.

Do you really think that if you beat the cr@p out of her housemates they will turn around and say "OK, she can stay, we'll stop hassling her" ??

No, even if you could (and it sounds like you already know you cannot) physically beat up these housemates, all that will happen is that they will turn on you and they'd start by reporting you to the Gardaí. If you fought them in their house, the law would be on their side.

If you must get involved, it can only be as a mediator. You may find that they are in the right by 50% or more, and that your new gf has not been honest with you.


Be at peace,

Z

spinandscribble

What does the classic milk war have to do with you? Why are you needed to solve her problems? If something smells fishy it probably is. she was only in the house TWO months when you came along. Its quite possible they found her annoying and they were waiting for her to settle and its just a coincidence you came along two months later.


Is it her or you suggesting fisticuffs? Fisticuffs....the term for aggression used by men who don't throw 1st punches in my opinion...

Keep out of it. Shes not a child and bfs/gfs should not come into disagreements in other peoples houses unless they're DIRECTLY involved in the dispute, ie. they complained YOU'RE stealing the milk.

cafecolour

Compromised - must fight! wrote: »

I still feel a bit suspicious over the whole thing - it's not the first compromised situation I've been involved in since I met her...

Umm...you've been dating 3(!) months and she's gotten you into multiple compromising situations? She sounds like a drama queen of the first magnitude. You might want to seriously consider running for the hills.

magneticimpulse

You say the housemates have a problem with you.

Are you staying over with your girlfriend in the shared house? Maybe this is why her housemates are having a go at her. Alot of people dont like living or sharing with couples. Especially if they originally moved into a house full of single people.

You dont explain the situation very well as to why the housemates are angry.