i'm so lonely right now

LegacyUser

hi, i just realised how bored and lonely i am. i had a girlfriend for a couple of months recently and we broke up - distance was too big a factor - and it really, really hurt me. more so than i ever thought possible. i saw a picture of her the other day with another guy and i thought i was over her but it really rammed home some feelings i thought had gone. she's moved on but why haven't i?

it made me realise how lonely i am. there's nothing i want more right now than to have someone to hold, sleep with - someone to be close to me. i'm a difficult person to get to know. i have trouble opening up, even with my ex, i rarely said anything that exposed my emotions - probably one of the reasons why it ended. i look at people who have relationships and it makes me realise how much i miss being in one. i feel so alone without one. there's a hole in my heart right now i feel. one that can only be filled with company.

i dont know how to meet someone though. i go to nightclubs with my friends and occasionally i will kiss some girl but none of those are girls that i would go out with. sounds weird to say i know. i dont know what to do to meet a girl. i think part of the problem maybe that i am looking at the pretty girls all the time. i am not a shallow person, as in i wouldn't go out with someone just because she is pretty but at the same time i wouldn't go out with anyone who i find physically unattractive. maybe i am setting my standards too high or maybe i just come across as shy. im a good looking guy and im not the least bit asshole-ish to girls. in fact i probably treat them with too much respect. i see a girl i like and i dont know how to start talking to her and when i do, i get nervous and invariably say something stupid or talk too much and act too little. even then when i am "in there", i dont know how to make my move.

another problem is i compare every girl i meet to my ex. i know thats natural right now but the problem is that my ex is probably one of the most physically beautiful girls i have ever met in my life on top of being a fantastic, down to earth human. no one i have met compares to her physically or personality wise. she's a model and unbelievably attractive. i feel like i will never meet anyone like her again.

i know im in no state to be in another relationship with someone but i cant help but feel so empty without one.

LegacyUser

Hi,

I feel your pain.. I was in the same position as you a few months ago. We broke up and really it was for the best.. With the benefit of time, I can see that we were not suited. I feel both annoyed at myself and him. I'm annoyed with him for messing with my head but I'm also annoyed that I let him. These things happen and I have learnt from it.

A lot of what you said are things that I could have written myself.. I miss being close to someone, I find it difficult to approach guys as I fear rejection, I have been told I'm attractive, sexy, hot, etc.. yet I seem to attract so many WEIRDOS!!

In your case, you said that distance was a factor. I don't think this should be the reason for ending a relationship, but it does test it.

Who ended the relationship? How old are you?

LegacyUser

hi

thanks for your reply.

she moved country which is why we had to end it, chances of us seeing each other again are very slim. we have kept in contact as both of us wanted to and the relationship ended on good terms on both sides. but it's still hard. i mean i want her in my life - she's still a friend - but i dont want her to be my "email buddy". i want to visit her, i want her to visit me. but then what? we see each other for maybe a week and then it's back to square one - miserable again.

i'm finding it difficult to accept that there will be others in her life apart from me. im not saying that i want to marry her or that she's the one but i feel that the relationship didn't run its course. it ended prematurely and there was no real closure. im kicking myself sometimes at letting myself fall for her at times. this was only going to end one way.

it helps to write this here. i feel that i cant tell others this sometimes. that im keeping it all bottled up and ill just be very bitter after the whole experience.

i always say "never say never" as in we could both end up living in the same country sometime in the future but, realistically, that is unlikely to happen. it's cruel that someone i cared so much about was basically dangled in front of me like bait and then whipped off as soon as i bit.

i go out with friends and keep up socially but im not the same. ive kept it to myself but they've noticed. i'll be fine and then out of nowhere i'll just think of her and ruin the rest of my night. i keep thinking "if i had said this" or done that, then we would still be together, i don't know why i keep torturing myself like this. i can't seem to stop either.

im rambling now, this ended up being far longer than i intended it to be. i seem to have no problems writing how i feel down but when it comes to telling another person, who's standing in front of me, it's horrible. i'll skirt around the issue for as long as possible until they're fed up and then blurt it all out at once.

I feel your pain.. I was in the same position as you a few months ago. We broke up and really it was for the best.. With the benefit of time, I can see that we were not suited. I feel both annoyed at myself and him. I'm annoyed with him for messing with my head but I'm also annoyed that I let him. These things happen and I have learnt from it.

i have to ask, how did you get through it? i presume you don't really keep in touch anymore at all, that's the impression i got from your post.

i'm 21 btw.

kjl

Just to add OP, just because she is in a picture with someone, doesn't mean she is dating that person. I know it's hard, but you will be OK.

LegacyUser

When I was going out with him- there were times that I felt like I had known him all my life. There were also times that I felt like we were going to be together for a long time. We just got on so well... we really clicked. Then there were other times, where I felt that he was thinking of something/someone else.. turned out- that he probably was..

After we broke up I was very upset about it. I couldn't understand why it ended. When we were going out, I never over- analyzed the dates we had. I just enjoyed myself and we had a good laugh together. I felt that that was enough- why analyse it more? I felt happy with him.

Then I started thinking about the things he had said to me, some of his actions etc.. and it made me realise that there was someone else. I then felt stupid, I couldn't believe how I couldn't cop on to what was going on right in front of me.

It is definetly a process you go through. I'm not sure if I'm over him or not. I think I'm finding it difficult to get over his actions rather than him. I feel so hurt by his actions. Why did he have to mess with my head for so long?

I too am in my early 20s and although I get guys chatting me up, take me on dates etc.. This was my first proper relationship as I never really clicked with anyone as much as I did with him. They always say that the first one is the hardest to get over!

Like you, I go out with friends and they have asked me "whats wrong" and its just like I'm not bothered making an effort any more. Which is very unlike me. It's been an experience that has changed the way I look at things and people. I feel that I have become more cynical.. which I hate.

Since the break-up I have taken up more exercise. This has defo helped! I find it puts me in such a good mood and I am looking more toned too!
They also say the best way to get over someone..is to start seeing someone else.. I think this is true too..

How long ago since you split?
Why did she "have" to move country?

Is there anyway that you and her could agree to live in the same place/area? If not, you are going to have to move on. I know its hard. Don't measure every girl you meet against her. If a girl comes up talking to you, give her a chance becuase you don't know who is admiring you! Also, try and approach girls, theres no right or wrong way really. I don't know any girl that doesn't like being chatted up! You said that you worry about the next move, us girls worry about that too. Just do what feels right in a quietly confident way.