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Dad to be.....

  • 01-12-2010 3:02pm
    #1
    JS81
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1 ✭


    Hi,

    I've browsed boards for quite a while now but never posted before this, so here goes. My ex is due to have our child at the end of February. I have however moved abroad for work since I heard the news and don't know what I should do. I have quite a safe job in the UK at the moment and would only be returning to the dole in Ireland. I do however want to see my child as much as possible and will support financially as well as hopefully having access whether I'm in the UK or Ireland. If I was to stay here I would have a far higher income with which to support the child however. Do you think staying in the UK and sending maintenance home as well as returning as often as possible (hopefully every second weekend and any holiday time) would be an ok way to go about things. Or should I just forget about what will hopefully be temporary financial stresses and return home?


Comments

  • #2
    Sleepy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,367 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    Tough call OP.

    I spent 6 months flying back and forward from London at the weekends due to a similar work position only seeing my daughter at the weekends and it really got me down. It was different for me because (a) I'm still with her mammy so was used to seeing her every day and (b) She was over a year old at the time so I'd had a chance to develop a bond with her first.

    If it's the case that living in Ireland you'd only be seeing your child at the weekend anyway due to being estranged from your ex, I can't see it making much of a difference other than being able to have a better quality of life and provide the same for your daughter tbh.

    If, on the other hand, you believe your ex will facilitate more access than that or even consider joint custody where you'd have your daughter 50% of the time (unlikely in this country unfortunately) It might make more sense to try find work here.

    Either way, I'd suggest taking as much time off work as possible around the due date so you can be there to begin the process of forming a bond and help your child's mother as much as possible during the early weeks which can be a bit traumatic and are always hectic.


  • #3
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Its easy and not too expensive to pop over from the UK so given you are not with the mother to be it doesnt seem to make much difference whether or not you are in Ireland or the UK.

    It just means you are not on call in the same way as if you were in the country in case of emergencies or whatever, but that's not the end of the world.

    Probably better to stay where you are for now.

    The only thing I would add is that sometimes geographic distance can create psychological distance. For example, I am much more inclined to keep in touch with people in France or on the opposite side of the country in Ireland than I am with people in the US simply because in my mind they are much closer to me geographically even though I might even see them less than people in the US.

    While the UK is easy and cheap to get to, psychologically it might create a distance even if you spent the same amount of time with the child as if you were in Ireland.


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