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Blowing hot and cold

  • 30-11-2010 6:39pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi everyone,

    I'm looking for a fresh perspective on things and hope some of you can help. I'm nearly 30 years old, have a good career, I've done pretty much all I wanted to with my life. The only thing I didn't have was that someone special to share it with and then I met him.....

    He's a good man, we want the same things from life, share similar views on life, come from similar backgrounds etc. He treats me well, he has his flaws, as do I, we all do but I love him. The problem is I feel myself blowing hot and cold with him and I don't know why. One day I'm planning our future and preparing to move in and the next I'm wondering are we really right for each other in a few ways. The most recent example being I love dogs anfd was saying to him that I miss having one so he bought me a puppy, we went together and picked it out and I was so excited and the puppy is gorgeous etc but now I'm wondering is it too much of a commitment, what happens if we break up? I'm driving myself and him mad.

    I am seeing a counsellor at the minute for self-esteem issues and issues I have with my mother and he is very supportive, like he is with everything I do. I was hoping she'd help me see why I am like this, for I have been like this before but I really do love this man.... I just don't know what to do anymore. Before I wrote this we had a huge fight on the phone because I told him I wasn't sure about us and understandably he got upset.....


Comments

  • #2
    curlzy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,708 ✭✭✭curlzy


    Sounds like you are sabataging your own relationship. :(Bummer. To be honest he sounds wonderful and it's you that has the issues. You said you are going to councelling but rather than focusing on your mother I would ask your councellor to focus on you sabataging the relationship that you sound happy and loved in. Try to keep your doubts to yourself because I know that if my BF was doing what you are, I would be out the door. He doesn't deserve to have the rug pulled out from him and be walking on eggshells all the time, it's cruel in fact and you don't sound cruel. If you don't get this sorted I'd say he'll walk and you really will be left alone. So yeah, keep your doubts to yourself and concentrate on why you are sabataging your relationship. Also apologise to him for upsetting him with your hot/cold behaviour and tell him you're working on it, it's the least he deserves.


  • #3
    SparkyTech
    Closed Accounts Posts: 590 ✭✭✭SparkyTech


    Hotncold wrote: »
    Hi everyone,

    I'm looking for a fresh perspective on things and hope some of you can help. I'm nearly 30 years old, have a good career, I've done pretty much all I wanted to with my life. The only thing I didn't have was that someone special to share it with and then I met him.....

    He's a good man, we want the same things from life, share similar views on life, come from similar backgrounds etc. He treats me well, he has his flaws, as do I, we all do but I love him. The problem is I feel myself blowing hot and cold with him and I don't know why. One day I'm planning our future and preparing to move in and the next I'm wondering are we really right for each other in a few ways. The most recent example being I love dogs anfd was saying to him that I miss having one so he bought me a puppy, we went together and picked it out and I was so excited and the puppy is gorgeous etc but now I'm wondering is it too much of a commitment, what happens if we break up? I'm driving myself and him mad.

    I am seeing a counsellor at the minute for self-esteem issues and issues I have with my mother and he is very supportive, like he is with everything I do. I was hoping she'd help me see why I am like this, for I have been like this before but I really do love this man.... I just don't know what to do anymore. Before I wrote this we had a huge fight on the phone because I told him I wasn't sure about us and understandably he got upset.....

    Hi OP,

    I think you need to talk this out with your husband, or possibly bring him with you to couples councelling. It sounds like you have a brilliant relationship at the core, you both care about each other and the other person complements your life in a loving way.

    However, the small facets of your behaviour which are detrimental to this are hindering what should otherwise be a succesfull companionship. Talk it out with your husband, try to communicate with each other as much as you can and try to articulate what you're feeling and why you feel that way.

    Well done on taking the step yourself to talk to someone about your self esteem. We all deserve the best in life and to life it to the fullest.

    Hope it works out for you both :)


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