Trust and self esteem

LegacyUser

Once again I've fallen for someone who I work with. He has a girlfriend but that hasn't stopped him sending me messages. I stupidly played along, I suppose because I liked the thrill of it and was flattered by the attention. However, I often feel sick at what I've done. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Should I just give in or do the right thing? I think I have low self esteem and trust issues. I just want to meet someone who wants to be with me not use me. Any advice before I start wallowing in self pity.

whatsamsn

"I just want to meet someone who wants to be with me not use me"

That says it all op
Your common sense is just coming into play because you dont want to be the other girl, or even if you DID end up with him ... you couldnt trust him over circumstances.

Op, you sound like a nice girl. You say you feel bad (shows you've got ethics) Best advice is if you want this to end just end it.
and hey remember, even if you do indeed have trust issues as you say, they dont matter. You could be the biggest "trust-issues" gal BUT when it comes to situations where you shouldnt trust... thats what matter. facts, not your own personal traits.

curlzy

So this won't be the first time you get with someone who's already in a relationship ?? If you continue on this road you'll end up lonely, very very lonely because no one wants anything to do with someone that goes around ruining relationships, your female friends will end up dumping you because they won't want you near their men and your male friends will dump you because their girlfriends will make them and rightly so in my opinion. No one gains by engaging in such scummy behaviour. If you have trust and self esteem issues go and get councelling with an aim of becoming a stronger better person instead of getting a boost from going out with someone else's boyfriend and all the devastation that entails.

LegacyUser

lucyharker wrote: »

Once again I've fallen for someone who I work with. He has a girlfriend but that hasn't stopped him sending me messages. I stupidly played along, I suppose because I liked the thrill of it and was flattered by the attention. However, I often feel sick at what I've done. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Should I just give in or do the right thing? I think I have low self esteem and trust issues. I just want to meet someone who wants to be with me not use me. Any advice before I start wallowing in self pity.

First of all Op, well done for being honest with yourself and knowing that this guy is juts looking for a fling, it takes allot of guts to be that honest with yourself.

Of the things that can be done, the best would be to

A. Break contact with this guy straight away, delete his number and dont reply to his texts (if you do, keep it short "can't, you have a girlfriend" etc), even refuse to talk with him while he tries to persue you. Remember he is a work colleague, if anything happened it could put your job and your job reputation in peril (Do not mix work and love life is a popular syaing for a reason).

B. Go out with your friends and have some fun, there are loads of guys looking for a sweet and sensible girl which you sound like and the only way to meet them is getting out there. Forget this chump, if he has no problems trying it on with you behind his girlfriends back, then he will do the same to you (also think how his girlfriend would feel, she might feel the same about him as you do, imagine if you were in her shoes)

C.(only do this if you want) after a month or two he has backed off, have a quick chat with one or two of your work colleagues. You may find you are not the first person he has tried this with.

Good luck and I hope you meet someone nice that will respect you

LegacyUser

In reply to the above post, no I have not had an affair or would I with anyone elses boyfriend. I didn't take either men seriously that they were interested in me. Flattered yes, which is probably wrong. You are probably right about the counselling. I'm just very confused it seems that it's impossible to meet somebody and when I do find someone I like e.g. this man it turns out he has a girlfriend & still tries to pursue me!!
I would never cause any other woman pain but after these two seperate men I'm just wondering if there are any men who can be trusted & what I'm doing wrong/need to change. It seems today that the majority of people don't care if they do cheat or see someone who is cheating on their partner.