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3 year old very aggressive with baby sister

  • 30-11-2010 4:37pm
    #1
    Kaylee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166 ✭✭


    Just wondering if anyone has any experience or advice with this.

    The sort of behaviour I mean is squeezing her hand and leaving nail marks, trying to stamp on her with his boots on when she is lying on the playmat, trying to stick his finger in her eyes - in fact I'd say he's capable of anything.

    He is very jealous, and I do try to spend time with him but it never seems to be enough for him. He has grandparents who adore him and he sees them everyday but he resents them cooing over the baby and tries to attack her.

    I've tried the naughty step on numerous occasions, afterwards he goes in and apologies to her and is gentle for a while but pretty soon we're back to square one. I've explained that it's not nice for bigger people to hit smaller people etc. I've shouted and begged.

    I know it's a big transition for him but I feel he is not dealing with it very well (baby is nearly four months old now).

    I can't leave the baby alone with him for even a minute. I'm afraid that one day he will do her a serious injury. He is a great boy, very good fun usually except for this.


Comments

  • #2
    How Strange
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,339 ✭✭✭How Strange


    There was a very good article in the family section of Irish times where a psychologist answered an identical problem for a mum of 4 yr old. Look up the IT website under society and family and you'll see it there. It gave very good advice on how to deal with it.


  • #3
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    This is pretty common and you just have to not let him near her.
    Have you tried telling him about when he was that small and showing him pictures
    so that he can connect more with the infant?


  • #4
    goosie2005
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 70 ✭✭goosie2005


    How Strange wrote: »
    There was a very good article in the family section of Irish times where a psychologist answered an identical problem for a mum of 4 yr old. Look up the IT website under society and family and you'll see it there. It gave very good advice on how to deal with it.

    Was thinking of this article when i saw your thread too, hard to find on IT website but found link on his facebook page very common problem i would say.
    http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/health/2010/1123/1224283920377.html

    Best of luck.


  • #5
    Jinxi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 429 ✭✭Jinxi


    I would be working on empathy/emotional skills. Talk alot about how when he does that he will hurt his sister and she will cry. Tell him you know he is sad and angry that you are spending alot of time with her, but it is only because she is very small, and soon, she will be older like he is and will be able to play games with him and you together. Tell him he has been such a big help to you. Tell him that you love him just as much as the baby
    Over the next few weeks involve him in the care of the baby and praise every little positive thing you see.
    If he is over corrected for the neg behaviour with the baby, he will start to shift the blame onto the baby.
    Keep it as an ongoing open discussion. And keep giving him the words of how he is feeling, angry, sad happy upset. Say things like Oh Baby loves it when you make faces at her. And when he starts to get laughs back from her you will see a big change.
    Good luck


  • #6
    Kaylee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166 ✭✭Kaylee


    Thanks for the article - it's pretty much exactly what we are experiencing!

    We are trying the positive attention thing, I wasn't sure whether it was working. To be honest sometimes the tiredness leads to exasperation on my part.

    Good to hear we are not the only one's with this.


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  • #7
    Elle Collins
    Closed Accounts Posts: 681 ✭✭✭Elle Collins


    I'd give him some positive attention alright. I'd give him a good slap in the arse.


  • #8
    Kaylee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166 ✭✭Kaylee


    Elle Collins wrote: »
    I'd give him some positive attention alright. I'd give him a good slap in the arse.


    :p

    We had agreed as parents that we wouldn't use slapping - but we have come very very close to it since the baby arrived. Not sure it would help though.


  • #9
    Penny Dreadful
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭Penny Dreadful


    Kaylee wrote: »
    :p

    We had agreed as parents that we wouldn't use slapping - but we have come very very close to it since the baby arrived. Not sure it would help though.

    Apart from echoing the advice others have given on the thread all I can do is give you a laugh. I was 3 when my brother was born and I HATED him, hated him with a passion. One day I decided to take him down to the gate in his buggy and try to sell him:o
    I know another girl who hated her baby brother so much she put him in the bin!


  • #10
    Jinxi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 429 ✭✭Jinxi


    Elle Collins wrote: »
    I'd give him some positive attention alright. I'd give him a good slap in the arse.


    Of COURSE!!! a great way to teach a three year old not to be aggressive...be aggressive towards him:confused:


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