overreatinb

Boo27

Hi all,

I really need some advice here. Ive been with my partner for over 3 years and we have a 3 month baby boy together...

Ive known for quite a while that he isnt perfect, very selfish and self centered... he doesnt belive in doing anything for anyone without getting some benefit him self... thats just not me.... but I love him and you cant help who you love..

Ok, it all kinda hit the fan this weekend,
I bought him some expensive tickets to a festival that he loves for his birthday and we decided to book a hotel and have someone mind the baby for the night.. just for the two of us to get away..

Everything was arranged..and we were both really looking forward to it...
Then the evening before the festival, I was asked if we could give a lift to the person who was minding our child...( we were bringing the baby down anyway) so immediately I said yes as I never thought that this would be problem... but he went mad... said that he didnt see why he should have to give a left to the person???? ie it was gonna cost him more on petrol to bring 4 people down rather than 3!!!

So I went mad and said thatI couldnt beleive him that this was the person who was kindly offering to mind our son while we went but this just didnt register!!! so I said that I wasnt going in anger!!!!

So the nest morning I was up really early to get the baby ready, then with the snow, I woke him uo and asked him to give me a hand getting him ready!! he just said that he wqs tired and he wanted to sleep.... it was his turn last night to be up with the baby.. now he is very good and might be up once during the night.. but he only does the weekends when hes not working... Im doing it 5 nights, 5 days and get him ready every morning!!!

I wanted him to get up and help me, cause it wasnt fair that he should stay in bed and sleep when I had to get up again on my day off from minding him and give him bottle, bath, dress him and get his stuff all ready for the night...

His attitude just really annoyed me and said that I wasnt going and he may ring his brother to go with him as these tickets were very expensive and someone had to make use out of them...

So I had baby ready to be dropped down, so I told him he had to go pick up the other fella and bring the baby down... now this was dublin at the weekend with the snow and ice on the roads... but he still turned around and said "oh so you still expect me to collect the other fella even though your not going"..I said that I wanted him to apologise for his attitudebefore I went anywhere.. now the person who was minding the baby was a member of my family and to stop them suspecting theres something wrong, I still anted the baby to go down there...

so after he said that, I said dont worry I drive the baby down he refused to apologise!.. So I had to collect the person ad drive the baby down in the ****ty prad conditions.. about 30 mls away... He never even rang or texted to see if we got down safe!!!

anyway, dropped the two of them off, and heading back up .. when I got back he was still there... I asked why didnt you go?? he said that he couldnt find the tickets. "they had been in the same place for the last 2 months on the sitting room tabel"!!!.. I said why didnt you text me or ring me to find out??? he said, I didnt want to talk to you!.... he let those really expensive tickets go to waste because he thought that little of me that he felt he shouldnt have to apologise!!! I was so upset!!! aqnd still am....

I have been waying everything up and think that he is just too selfish!!! we havent spoken since 3 days now.. and I really dont know what to do... I dont want to leave and take the baby.... I think that would be the last resort... but Im just so confused.. Im thinking ill stay for the baby...

HELP????

Am I totally wrong here..??? is this out of order completely or am I over reacting??

Jenneke87

The first thing that came to mind after reading this was: Why did you have a baby with this man in the first place? And with a little self control, you can choose whom you love; if someone has an attitude like that, it hurts to walk away when you have strong feelings for someone but your story is a classic example why it is better to do so...

Your boyfriend is very selfish. You knew that on forehand, and I can fully imagine your frustration at not helping out but on the other hand, it was to be expected. He´s not going to change overnight just because he had a baby, tbh it sounds like he only cares about his child when it suites him.

There are two things that you can do here: Either stay with him, accept his behaviour(because I seriously doubt he´s ever going to change) and let that be the "rolemodel" for your son, or walk away and start again with someone who does appreciate you.

Best of luck!

astra2000

Well he sounds like a prize prat at best, Dont kid your self if you are staying its not for the sake of the baby but for yourself. Bloody hell if he has a problem giving a lift to someone because it will cost more in petrol your child is in for a sad life.
Now I am shocked that you drove your baby 30 miles on icy roads for the sake of apperances, how coud you risk your child like that?Was it because you so wanted the "day off" you referred to? There was no need you werent going to the concert you could have given an excuse, the baby should not have been brought out unless it was an emergency. "Days off" when your a parent are few and far between and liable to fall through.
As for your bf not ringing to see ye got there ok well what a tool to put it mildly.
I do feel really sorry for you but it doesnt sound like he will change. Move out take time to think and if ye even consider trying to make a go of it get councelling. Best of luck

sbsquarepants

If there is one trait i absolutely can't stand in a person it's meanness. To cut a long story short, if you want any hope of a happy life, dump this looser and let him count his pennies himself. Extra petrol? Jesus that is a completely cretinous way to behave. He should be ashamed of himself.

Chicago Chick

OP having read your post above I have to say that your partner does seem very selfish but worse still he seems to have no idea that his behaviour is wrong. The attitude he took towards giving a family member a lift, helping with the baby, getting the tickets for the concert and generally taking care of his family is all very negative. There are a lot of good men out there and trust me a lot of great partners and fathers who would never treat their partner or child like that. No one is perfect and while I am not suggesting you just pack it in without trying if he is not prepared to change you have to really ask yourself "are you prepared to live with that sort of relationship?" for both you and your childs sake.

m'lady

I would most definitely get out of this relationship.
I understand that you love him, but I'll be very honest here, by his attitude and actions towards you-he does not love you and if he does he has a pretty s****y way of showing it. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he was trying to push you away..

Do yourself and your baby a favour and leave this pig, it will be difficult but I'm sure you will be happy you did a few years down the line.

If you don't want to leave him, I would suggest you show him your thread here to show him how you are feeling, I'm not saying it will help him improve, but it might make him realise how he is treating you.

Has he always been like this??