new relationship&safe sex issue

Decatur84

I have been seeing this guy for around three months. I don't know anything about his past relationship or sex wise. How might I bring up the issue have having safe sex. We don't use any protection at the moment. I have an implant in my arm so there is no pregnancy concerns.

Any advice that can be offered is much appreciated.

WesternNight

Decatur84 wrote: »

I have been seeing this guy for around three months. I don't know anything about his past relationship or sex wise. How might I bring up the issue have having safe sex. We don't use any protection at the moment. I have an implant in my arm so there is no pregnancy concerns.

Any advice that can be offered is much appreciated.

As far as I'm aware no method of hormonal or barrier birth control is 100% effective, so saying that there is no pregnancy concern is ever so slightly untrue.

Aside from that, you bring it up by...bringing it up. Tell him that you want to use additional protection. Is there a reason you haven't spoken to him about any of this in the three months you've been together?

whatsamsn

Well since you say you've already had sex without a condom you should just ask him his sexual history. You can do it in a round about way or just be forward. Either way since you want to know you should ask


Tip for the future.
Most people have sex with a condom early on of a relationship. Even if the woman is on the pill. Only when trust is established should condoms not be used. Thats how most people work it op

WesternNight

whatsamsn wrote: »

Only when trust is established should condoms not be used. Thats how most people work it op

I'd be more inclined to say that only when you want to make a baby should condoms not be used. But that's just me

Canluum

I'd disagree with WesternNight... when used properly most hormonal treatments are effectively as good as you can get. Condoms become a redundant inconvenience (if you're both std free that is) unless one is careless or overly paranoid.

Your post clearly implies you're concerned with stds. Having "the talk" with him need not be painful. You don't need to know any details (the only reason he'd be hesitant to tell you is fear you'll react badly), just ask for a number and whether they were barrier protected or not. Say it openly, off the cuff as if you expect nothing from him... which you shouldn't btw because this is the kind of thing you should talk about before going unprotected. I don't mean that as any slight against you, just that you have no right to get mad at him if you find out he's had a sleuth of unprotected encounters.

Also why not go get tested? It's free and takes a huuuuge weight off the mind. You've no idea how much. And on the off chance you have chlamydia or something... some anti biotics and badda bing you're not gonna go infertile anymore. Assuming you have a sexual history too then definitely you should just both go and get tested.

If he shows resistance to being tested it's a massive sign of immaturity.

S23

Canluum makes a fair point about alternatives to condoms etc... but, as was said in the post, STD's seem to be the main concern here.

You're seeing a guy for 3 months (no idea how long out of that amount of time you have been having sex with him) and you're having unprotected sex with him.

I have 3 pieces of advice and if the sound harsh then so be it

1) Grow up, grow a brain and don't have unprotected sex with guys you only know a week/month/3 months or so. You need to feel safe and secure with someones personal history before you get into that kind of thing. For all you know he was having unprotected sex with 3 women the week before he met you. And the week before that those 3 women had unprotected sex with 3 other men. And the week before that....

Don't take risks with your personal health

2) If you need to talk to him about it just do it. If you're in a relationship where you let this guy perform sexual acts on you (and you on him) on a regular basis then surely you should be able to communicate on basic issues such as health and safe sex.

3) Get an STD test. Regardless of what he tells you he has or hasn't done get one anyway. Better safe that sorry. You've been having unprotected sex with a guy you don't know that long and you don't know his sexual history.

I have no idea how old you are OP but you need to grow up and wise up as far as taking risks with your sexual health goes.

amy21

WesternNight wrote: »

I'd be more inclined to say that only when you want to make a baby should condoms not be used. But that's just me

I'm all for safety but you cant compare the feeling of with and without, there worlds apart, i'm talking about being in a stable relationship now, not a friday night fling

fungun

As said above, use a condom at the start. Using one now having not used one for 3 months...well door, horse, bolted and all that.

LegacyUser

Are you MAD having sex without using a condom, got he could have anything, I always get a new partner tested and always wear a condom and on the pill as well and yet I wouldn't feel 100%....is it worth it, AIDS etc etc and all the people they have slept with.....BE safe and wear a condom, its 2010 after all