let down

LegacyUser

I'm feeling really low at the moment. I know a lot of other women, but would only have two that I'd be really good friends with. I'm not working at the moment, my job fizzled out a good few months ago. My Dad got sick suddenly and unfortunately passed away a few weeks ago, I'm just gutted. At his removal and requiem mass, My mother and sister had a bunch of friends there each to support them. Only one of my good friends came along. The other I had rang to tell her Dad had passed. She didn't even ask what the funeral arrangements were and didn't show up. I heard that one of her teenagers was sick, and apparently thats the excuse. Apart from a few acquaintances, and one good friend, I felt I'd no support at such a hard time. i feel very bitter, as my other friend always makes a big deal of how she's there for others. She wasn't there for me.
Also my OH's Dad did not come to any part of the funeral, due to work. I'm disgusted with him, he didn't ring or text, or even say sorry about my Dad, when he saw me. I know this man 20 yrs. I have never really liked him, he is very odd, not family orientated at all. But I've always been polite when in his company. I'm so bitter my kids have lost a loving Grandad, and are left with one who has never so much as taken them to the park. I don't want to cause a row with OH about this as I would feel it unfair as its not his fault how his Dad is. I know I'm at a vulnerable time right now but God, I feel so letdown and bitter.
I'd appreciate any views or advice on this. Right now I really don't want to be near either of these people.

weatherguy

Well it is at times like these we find out who our true friends are.
My condolonces on your Father's untimely and sudden passing.
At the outset I would say that people are under lots of pressure these days. Yes, it is no excuse for your so called friends to ignore the actual funeral service and to ignore you at this very trying and vulnerable time.
I would suggest that you tell you OH how you are feeling. Don't let your feelings develop into an argument between you both.
I would say in your friends' defence that some people find it difficult to help you at this time. Others don't have the social skills set to chat with you. They feel awkward and so prefer to say nothing.
If you feel you know these people well enough then I would ask them why they didn't attend the funeral and why they didn't support you.
Usually if a close relative or friend is unable to attend the service they send a letter or card.
Don't bottle up these feelings. Tell your OH and then move on from there.
As regards your father in law! Well, just ignore him, no point fretting over his shortcomings. Enjoy your children and remember the happy times they had with their deceased grandad.

LegacyUser

Hi weatherguy and thanks for your reply. There is alot of truth in what you said. Granted, my friend did text me about 5 days after burying Dad, I forgot to say, to see how I was. But no apology or mention of her not having been there. I know her 15yrs. You are right, I should bring it up. I'm not usually bitter at all, quite the opposite!! Hate confrontation, have never been able to handle it, such a softy. I guess I'm just feeling so fragile at the moment, Dad's illness and death have completely knocked the stuffing out of me. As for my father in law, well he called into the house earlier, and still said nothing to me. I prayed he would slip on the ice outside and crack his head, but no such luck, ha ha. My OH never says much, but reading between the lines, he wasn't much of a father figure. Your right, my Dad was a very special Grandad, and yes I'm gonna remember this and not try not to dwell on their other excuse for a grandparent. Thanks again