Will I Ever Get Over Him?

LegacyUser

Basically, long story short my boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up 4 months ago. We were inseperable, did everything together, had been on many holidays together and we were a part of each others family.

20 days after we broke up he started going out with another girl, he never text me or rang me to let me know.. i found out through bloody facebook.

I dunno, sometimes I feel like it was for the best and that in the long run I'm better off without him. But, other times I'm just so lonely. I didn't just lose my boyfriend, I lost my bestfriend.

How can he have moved on with his life and everything is fine for him? When will this pass, I just can't seem to get over it?

Can anyone offer me some advice, please?

BraziliaNZ

Delete him from facebook if you haven't already. Apart from that, just do no communication, and give it time. It may take weeks, months even, but eventually you'll move on and start enjoying life again. It sucks but you just have to wait and have no contact.

kathy2

Hi

It really does take time and it does get better.
And guys do often seem to be able to move on faster and good for them.

If you are really brooding and dont feel better in say 2 months consider counselling there are free services around dublin and some times through work and get yourself over it.

Its okay to be sad for a time but dont let it get out of hand and no matter what you do, dont contact him it will make it worse for you

LegacyUser

What are his faults? There must be a list of things that annoyed you about him? Focus on those as all you're likely to do right now is magnify the good things and ignore the bad.

Delete off facebook, hide 'friends in common' on facebook, hit the gym. And dont rush into a relationship just because your ex has moved on.

Simple formula, works every time.... but time being the key.

tinkerbell

Cut off all contact - delete his number from your phone, remove him from your facebook friends, don't go to parties which he is attending, etc. It's the only way - otherwise you'll never get over him.

It just takes time, you were going out for 3 years which is a long time. But you will eventually get over him and will be able to move in. Don't rush yourself, it'll happen when it happens. Best of luck *hug*

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies so far, I really appreciate it.

I just feel so lost and alone right now, and I hate admitting to anyone how I feel.

I really don't think I can delete him off facebook, it seems so childish. And, we're both from a small town so bumping into him or his family is inevitable. As I've said he was my best friend, and I think thats the hardest part, the fact we talked 24/7 and now we don't talk at all. I'm just at a loss, it's been 4 months since we've broken up, why can't I just get over this and move on? I want to be happy again

tinkerbell

Unfortunately, the problem with facebook is that if you don't remove him from your contacts list, you will constantly get notifications of what he's up to, photos of him on nights out, the new girlfriend, etc. etc. and it will take you a LOT longer to get over him. If you cut him out of your life, you will get over him a lot quicker.

You said you're from a small town, but that doesn't necessarily mean you will bump into him, and if you do just hold your head high, say hello and keep walking. I assume it was him who did the breaking up? Because if that is the case, he can't start whinging about you ignoring him.

But really - the only way to get over him is to drop contact, you'll never get over him otherwise I'm afraid It's the only way. The sooner you do it the better.

kathy2

Yes you can delete him do it right now and any photos of the two of you together. Do it a clean slate he is well over you it hurts but you got good advice here its like a diet hard to stick to but worth it

girl2

Hello OP

My heart really goes out to you, as I have been there. Only this year. Like you, I was with my ex for 3 years. He was the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. And I truly loved him.

I was like you and didnt want to let my friends or family know just how devestated I was, it does help though to talk about it.

I tortured myself through the whole facebook thing too. You really need to delete him. As painful as it is, you need to do that. Its all part of the recovery process.

Accepting that youre never going to be with him is very very difficult. But once I was able to accept that it was really over, forever, I was able to start thinking about putting my life back together.

We broke up in January and to this day I have thought about him every single day. I dont love him any more and I never want him back, but I still think about him. Its a long process to get over a breakup. You will stop loving him. It will happen. I dont think theres a magic cure. One day I thought I was fine, the next day I was a mess.

And youre four months down the line. Are things starting to feel any better yet?

For me, I would say that it was probably September when I actually moved on. So that was a good 8-9 months of torture. And maybe there were easier ways than the way I did it, but Im here now.......Im much stronger, I know what I want from relationships and what I dont want and I am enjoying being single. For a very long time, I was lonely, very very lonely. And now Im not. This will all happen for you.

Also.......try new things. I started yoga, running, cycling! Join some classes. Meet new people. It does help. Really! It does help.

Plus theres a book called........"Its called a breakup because its broken". Its quite funny, and theres some good points in it.

OP, I really wish you the best. Chin up!

C

LegacyUser

girl2 wrote: »

Hello OP

My heart really goes out to you, as I have been there. Only this year. Like you, I was with my ex for 3 years. He was the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. And I truly loved him.

I was like you and didnt want to let my friends or family know just how devestated I was, it does help though to talk about it.

I tortured myself through the whole facebook thing too. You really need to delete him. As painful as it is, you need to do that. Its all part of the recovery process.

Accepting that youre never going to be with him is very very difficult. But once I was able to accept that it was really over, forever, I was able to start thinking about putting my life back together.

We broke up in January and to this day I have thought about him every single day. I dont love him any more and I never want him back, but I still think about him. Its a long process to get over a breakup. You will stop loving him. It will happen. I dont think theres a magic cure. One day I thought I was fine, the next day I was a mess.

And youre four months down the line. Are things starting to feel any better yet?

For me, I would say that it was probably September when I actually moved on. So that was a good 8-9 months of torture. And maybe there were easier ways than the way I did it, but Im here now.......Im much stronger, I know what I want from relationships and what I dont want and I am enjoying being single. For a very long time, I was lonely, very very lonely. And now Im not. This will all happen for you.

Also.......try new things. I started yoga, running, cycling! Join some classes. Meet new people. It does help. Really! It does help.

Plus theres a book called........"Its called a breakup because its broken". Its quite funny, and theres some good points in it.

OP, I really wish you the best. Chin up!

C

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply to me, I really appreciate it.

I take your points on board, and I guess its just a matter of time. Its just I feel like this feeling is never going to pass. Yes, like you said there are some days where I am completely fine and I am happy that we are not together. But there are other times where I'm sitting at home and I just expect him to walk through the door at any moment and things to go back to the way they were.

I just feel so hurt and embarrassed about the whole situation. As I said we're both from a small town, so we would both go to the same nightclub etc. This bothers me because he doesn't even like the whole nightclub scene! And, the girl he is now with isn't from our town. I feel like he is rubbing it in my face, as he doesn't like clubbing and his friends wouldn't be into that scene either. I dunno, it just upsets me I guess.

I'm just not myself, I suppose the last few months I have gone a bit wild, drinking a lot etc. I know I'm not doing myself any favours but its just my way of dealing with it? I'm a very private person and I hate talking to anyone about personal things! Hence why I am hiding behind a computer screen!

Sorry for rambling, but thanks for all the comments and advice I do appreciate it.