Ex confusing me, please help?

oatcake

I was going out with my boyfriend for a year and sunday week ago he broke up with me. We had a big fight the saturday night before the sunday over nothing and had been fighting a bit over the weekend but we made up or so i thought.

He said its just something he has to do but isn't sure about it. He says he loves me but just doesn't feel like he puts as much into the relationship as me and doesn't know if he wants to. We were both crying on the phone and he wanted me to ring him the next day but I didn't. He then rang me. He said its something he needs to do. No changing his mind as its what he feels right now. He said its really hard but he isn't happy with himself and cant give me what i deserve. He didnt want to do it and put me through so pain but he has too. He also said it wont be the last time we talk or see each other. He said he would contact me soon just needs to clear his head. Last thing he said was he loves me.

Then he text me the day after asking how I was. He said he is so messed up about this and that he is ok one minute and sad the next and that he feels terrible for hurting me and then asked to hear from me in a few days. He said he misses me and even used my pet name then told me he loves me. I told him not to tell me he loves me after breaking up with me. He said he needs time and just to give it a week and see where we are then.
We both agreed on not changing our facebook status until the week was over, I found out last week that he had the privacy setting on only I could see the relationship status where as no one else could and there i was with mine up for everyone to see. I was so hurt so I told him its over and I dont think i can be with him again and the week was just unnecessary. He said just stop this and give us a week please and then asked if i didnt mind can he call me in a week(which is monday coming) and if i do to tell him then. He said sorry for changing it and it was a f**k up of a bad decision and that he would just take it off like i had. and that he is just asking for a week, he needs time to realize what he wants and he is sorry and just give him some space please.

The thought of never seeing him or talking to him again just makes me cry. Only the day before it all happened we were happy and madly in love and hanging out and just enjoying each others company. He said the past year was the happiest of his life, so why is he doing this?

What can i do? is it definitely over?

He said he will probably regret it and the thoughts of never seeing me again or talking to me again made him cry but this was said the day of the break up(he did it over the phone)

I am doing no contact now. It has been 6 days of no contact. He wants to ring me on Monday but I have no idea what to say to him.

Any advice on this situation would be great, I cant see it from an outside perceptive and im so confused as to why he wants the week if he doesnt know if he'll change his mind. What do you guys think?

please help me, thanks for reading!

oatcake

Please anyone with any thoughts? He is suppose to be ringing me tomorrow and I have no idea what to say or how to prepare for the worst

LegacyUser

Oatcake, what can I say?

If he rings (which he may not), don't answer the phone.

You know it's over, he said so repeatedly. In all the talking, he never backtracked - this is what he wants.

All the talking and the crying, the saying he's messed up and loves you, he's just trying to soften it for you because he hates to see you hurt. But he's still definite that you are broken up.

So, if he rings, don't answer. You don't want to hear more of this, do you?

Canluum

What can i do? is it definitely over?

Yes. If he is sound of mind and not going through any ridiculous trauma where he ends up sabotaging everything around him then yes. He's making a decision of the mind, he knows this isn't meant to be and intellectually he knows he should move on. His heart and his memories are pulling him back and making him throw a bunch of agonising ambiguity your way. He's gonna start seeing your now ended relationship through rose-tinted glasses. This mixed with the guilt of hurting you, someone he cares about will make his emotions
fickle.

It's hard for him to know what to do in this situation, but he's definitely doing it wrong, he's doing you wrong telling you he loves you after breaking up with you, giving you threads of hope where none exist. He should do the decent thing and rip the bandaid off quicker.

The thought of never seeing him or talking to him again just makes me cry.

I know lass... I know. My heart goes out to you. You might need to have a good cry, let it all out, talk with your friends and family, whoever your support structure is.

He said the past year was the happiest of his life, so why is he doing this?

Because he doesn't envision himself happy in a few years time down the road with you. For whatever reason.

He said he will probably regret it and the thoughts of never seeing me again or talking to me again made him cry but this was said the day of the break up(he did it over the phone)

No doubt he will, and he'll have to grieve over your loss too... but he's clearly made up his mind and just feels frikkin awful for so many reasons (losing you, hurting you, his life upheaved etc.) about it which is making him act in this messed up way.

I am doing no contact now. It has been 6 days of no contact. He wants to ring me on Monday but I have no idea what to say to him.

Any advice on this situation would be great, I cant see it from an outside perceptive and im so confused as to why he wants the week if he doesnt know if he'll change his mind. What do you guys think?

This is horrible, he's leaving you in such utter suspense. He's clearly very bad at this. What hope would a relationship in the future have if he's capable of putting you through such crap? tbh I think he's just wrestling through his own guilt and loss which is making him indecisive unfortunately, though the decision is clear as day.

My advice to you would to take the reigns of this breakup. CUT ALL CONTACT. DELETE FROM FACEBOOK. HIT THE GYM (yes that works for girls too)