Miserable in a near 2 year relationship

LegacyUser

Background: We've been dating now for about 19 months. Things were dandy until recently when I realised that I'm no longer in the honeymoon period in our relationship (first few months, we all know ) but she is. She's getting worse, too. I don't know what to do or say to this girl, things are serious enough at this stage in our relationship.

She's just making me miserable.

She is an attention craver. I don't see her one day, she's moody or sad for the rest of the day. She complains that I don't contact her enough when I'm in college but I do have demanding hours; I'm in medicine and we have small breaks so I give her one or two texts but that's not enough for her.

She's recenty confessed that she wants to spend all her time with me without fail. She is controlling too - she'd often ask me to do something for her but I'd feel guilty if I couldn't and cave in to her. She texts me non-stop and if I don't text her back (even when busy) she'll start to worry and start asking if I'm doing alright and what's happening. It's taking its toll on the relationship when it's too time consuming and demanding. She plans our future too down to a tee, even ten minutes away. If things go wrong, she's never the one to blame and she's annoyed that her plan didn't work out the way she wanted it to.

Thing is though, she's a great friend when we're both on good terms with each other. We'd have a laugh, cuddle, kiss, etc. like any normal couple and treats me when we go out (I'm unemployed and she's in a job juggling with college). I feel like she's good to me so I can't complain about us because of it.

I treat her like an angel; I do plenty of favours for her and treat her well but whenever I wanna relax and hang out she's wondering why I'm acting so distant and starts worrying. We've had a few arguments alright but never initiated by me, and it was always one sided, about me


It's depressing!

Axe Rake

Captain Obvious: Break up with her and continue with your studies.

Ickle Magoo

If you're miserable & find your relationship depressing then it defies the whole point of having a mate.

You have two choices; you can tell her how you feel and why and hope that with some boundaries and expectations in place that things improve or you can end the relationship.

All the best.

S23

Sounds like a hard situation. You have two choices really. 1) Talk to her about the issues you have and see if you can work through them or 2) Knock it on the head.

Realtionships aren't all plain sailing but you sound miserable and she sounds very, very, very intense to say the least.

Personally I'd sit her down and air it out. Don't be surprised if she goes bat sh*t, though, because she sounds like the type from what you wrote. If you can't work through it so you're both happy then move along.

Best of luck

carmel27

Sorry to sound blunt, but get out of there. You cant stay in a relationship where youre miserable. What good can come from it?

I was in a similar situation in my last relationship, which lasted nearly 3yrs, and ended just over a year ago. I was totally unhappy for months before I ended it, but kept delaying the inevitable by trying to fool myself into thinking things would improve. There were a number of reasons that I felt I was incompatible with my OH, none of them anything huge, but combined, they were enough of a reason not to be with him.

He knew I wasnt happy, and when I told him that I didnt think it was going anywhere, he persuaded me to stick it out a little longer, in the hope that things might get better. I did, but things didnt. And, by the time I did finish it, I was totally and utterly fed up, and I completely resented him for persuading me to keep trying. As a result, we havent spoken since.

You probably feel that youre being harsh, especially when your GF treats you well as far as paying for stuff etc goes, but you have to look at the bigger picture. You cant settle for somebody who makes you unhappy. Its not fair on you, and in the long run, it wont be fair on her either. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, so do whats right for you and end it.

Good Luck OP:)

Sardonicat

It's time to talk to her about boundaries and respect for each other's space.

It seems like she is very insecure, which is why she is on top of you all the time.You are studying medicine. She's gonna have to realise that your studies, and when you qualify, your work, mean that you just can't do high maintainace.Dr's ohs have to be pretty laid back and self sufficient emotionally and anyone who is one or has ever dated one will tell you that.You have to state to her that you are finding it too much and that if your relationship is to survive she is going to have to compromise and respect that you need some space and can't be constantly reassuring her every 5 minutes. If she can't do that then you will have to part."Treating" you does not give her the right to claim ownership of you mind, body and soul.

tinkerbell

She is way too demanding. How on earth does she not realise the long hours it takes to study medicine? Even at that, has she thought about what will happen after you finish college and have to intern for a year or two in a hospital working very long hours - you'll be working a hell of a lot more hours then than you are now while studying.

You need to talk to her and tell her that she cannot be this intense - it is not healthy and ultimately it will ruin the relationship.

At the end of the day, if you are unhappy then you need to put yourself first. Unless she changes, well then you know what to do.