newleywed blues

LegacyUser

hi all going unreg for this one.
So as the title says i am suffering from the newlywed blues. Got married after 3 years dating a great gal.
But ever since we came back from the honeymoon its just become a daily chore.
We had a great sex life and now it feels literally months since we did it. Work is a factor in this as we work different shifts but there always seems to be an excuse, no condoms, too tired or have to get up early for work. She only seems to want it on her terms.
I used to watch a bit of porn to help me get through the week but its getting out of hand(no pun intended) as I watch it everyday.
I started thinking about other women at work too. Its becoming very distressing as I would never cheat but these ideas of infidelity are becoming more and more common. I reckon should we continue down this route I am going to cheat.
My wife works hard and long days and I try and make a home for her to come to every evening but she just keeps coming up with these excuses. Now we are in the process of buying our first house and she isnt exactly gone on the idea. I know she is never going to cheat on me as its not in her nature and well she never has a moment to anyway.

I suppose I should try and be there for her but I also have strong needs and before someone starts saying that my wife isnt a machine that I can just turn on whenever I want sex, I truly try and be romantic and do nice things for her. She just doesnt seem to want to put any effort into our relationship.

We have had talks about trying to keep our sex lifes fresh and interesting but it just seems to revert back to the same old stuff ie missionary and only in the bedroom. She says she wants to try new things all the time but when push comes to shove, she says no.

I understand that lots of couples have difficulties when the "honeymoon period" is over but I just want some idea of the next steps to take.

Its not just the sex or lack that is bothering me either. Its that I seem to have to pick up after her all the time. She was always a little untidy and no I am not a clean freak either but since we got married it just seems to of gotten worst.

I am just really worried at what our relationship has become and looking for some answers.
Thanks again

squishykins

Talk to her man, about everything! I'm not married, nowhere near it, but I've been seeing my bf for around the same amount of time. You talk mostly about sex there, or the lack of it, but it sounds like nearly every aspect of your relationship has suffered. I went through a period like that, about a year ago. There really is only one solution, talk, and keep talking.

I dunno what your or your wife are like, but maybe if you set up the mood for it during the day..? Like a text or two, and when she gets home maybe pamper her a bit? I dunno man, every relationship and person is different. It was actually the other way round for me, my sex drive is a lot higher than my bf's, so I had to become a lot more vocal And he responded to it perfectly, the good man that he is :P

But the only real advice I can give is always talk to her. Not in an accusing way, she mightn't realise how you feel. I know it can be hard, but you have to tell her how you are feeling. I still struggle to get it out of the bf sometimes, but it's really for the better

Ickle Magoo

You have to sit down together and have an honest, open discussion about how you feel and why. You have to put your cards on the table and ask she does the same and thrash out an understanding and agreement for the future that you are both happy with.

Why is your wife making excuses not to have sex with you? Why are you picking up after her? You need to learn to communicate effectively with each other or the resentment will just build.

All the best.

LegacyUser

Can I emphasise what Ickle said?

It's so important - "You have to sit down together and have an honest, open discussion about how you feel and why. You have to put your cards on the table and ask she does the same and thrash out an understanding and agreement for the future that you are both happy with.

Why is your wife making excuses not to have sex with you? Why are you picking up after her? You need to learn to communicate effectively with each other or the resentment will just build."

Now is the time to adjust your lives. It can be so hard, the first year of marriage. It's like some machine in your head goes 'click' and resets itself into some pattern you don't recognise, maybe some pattern you saw in your parents' lives and subconsciously think this is what marriage should be like so that's what you do. If you are afraid of thrashing out the problems and differences now, you learn to live with these problems and they become a standard part of your marriage.

You need to have to courage to rock the boat and not accept this.

Idbatterim

given where you are at, is buying a house really a good idea? leaving aside all property values etc will fall value, you are trapping yourself etc. I mean if there are no kinds and shared property, and things arent working out, you have the easiest out you are going to have, if you dont feel its going to work out...