All got too much for me

LegacyUser

I don't know where to start with this but I woke up this morning in a terrible mood, I felt tearful and upset. You see it's very cold today and I live in house with no heating, this fact means I am freezing all day and it's really brought it home to me what a sorry state my whole life is in.

I am in my mid 20s and am not from Ireland but have been here a long time. I have currently have no job after having studied here and done well, when I left there was no job for me, I have applied and applied and nothing. I have managed to find some part time voluntary work in the field I am interested in but it's only a couple of days a week and even this was hard enough to get. So I am living on social welfare and it's really not fun. My housemates are in a similar situation to me and we cannot afford to get the heating fixed so we are left in a cold house through the winter. I would move out but I have the cheepest room I could find and can't afford to move out now. Anyway this isn't my main problem.

I feel utterly frustrated and dissappointed with my life, I have no job, no boyfriend, very few friends, very little social life, and feel like I am fighting against my own shyness all of the time. I have always been shy, I was very badly bullied at school and I feel this has lefty me somewhat socially akward and find it hard to relate to people, as a result I have never been popular and constantly feel like an outsider in in the world. I am very lonely.

I broke up with a boyfriend of 2 years a several months ago, it was my decision, I wasn't feeling it anymore and we were never suited, when we got together I was in a particularly vulnerable place and I think I convinced myself I liked him more then I really did. Me breaking up with him broke his heart and hurting his feelings is something I deeply regret. He was a good guy. After that I got with a guy I thought I really liked, he was exciting, attractive and everything my previous boyfriend was not. He chased me to begin with and all was great, he thing lost interest and forgot about me, leaving me fairly cut up about the whole thing. However I fell pregnant accidentally (I know, I know) as a result of this relationship, I was on a state of complete shock and panic, I chose to not have the child and travel outside of Ireland for a termination. I don't regret this decision but I think it affected me more then I was admitting at the time. He was there for me to some extent, he did the bare minimum of what was expected (paid for half the flights etc) but he couldn't cope with the situation any better then me and virtually forgot I existed as a soon as the stuation was sorted out. This left me feeling very alone. Since then I have been seeing one or two people, none of which have worked out, I don't mind being single as such but I just feel like I am not good enough for most of them.

I am sorry my post is just a massive confused rant , I don't now what advise I am looking for here, I feel very low and I would be appreciative f anyone could give me any advise as to how to life my mood, how to make my life better. I just don't know what to do anymore.

satcie101

Hey there!

Sorry to hear you are feeling down and fair play to you for writing such an honest and open post. Said I would reply as I see loads of people have read this but you haven't got a response.

First of all I by no means have my life sorted, so this is more offering encouragement than advice.

Firstly I think there are probably a lot more people than you realise in similar situations. There is a lot of well educated people unemployed and frustrated at the moment, this can really knock a person's confidence and self esteem. When your confidence and self esteem is low you can end up getting into situations that you wouldn't allow yourself to get into when you are feeling good about yourself (not judging you hun, it's like this for everyone, we all have skeletons).

You should try to forgive yourself for what happened with that guy (most girls have a story, weather they tell you or not about a guy who they allowed to treat them appallingly). Not trying to make light of it but chalk it up to experience that all girls go through, we must all go out with at least 1 utter prick. How else are you going to appreciate how great Mr.right is, when he finally comes along.

You said that you were on social welfare, I know you probably would like work in the field you studied in, but maybe you should think about going back to college next September even just to do a 1 or a 2 year course. It would get you our of the house and you would be meeting people. You could talk to CIC to check weather you would be able to keep your social welfare payment while in college.

I know it's hard when your shy to get out and meet people, but sometimes you have to fight through it and be brave, its ok to show people you are shy, shyness can be endearing and usually shy people are polite and loving and very considerate of others.
Who wouldnt want to get to know someone like that?

About the guy thing, I wouldn't worry too much about that, you're young and there is plenty of them out there. Try and concentrate on getting to know and value how special you are first then it will all fall into place.

Chin up hun. xxx

LegacyUser

Hi, darling, i know how you feel in the cold as i am living in a similar house with no central heating. although we have an electrical heater each, it helps very little. the house is using electrical card, and one night, the money in the card is gone, all darkness and i was cooking.

maybe you can go to the library during the day time as there is heating and computer and a lot of free stuff.

dont give up, keep fighting, well, maybe you can think of going back to your birth country and try look for job there? i myself have planned to go back home after my graduation. and if the economy is better here, maybe you can come back to ireland if you really like it?

there are always roads. every body's life is very different, so dont compare.

jkiss

upset123 wrote: »

My housemates are in a similar situation to me and we cannot afford to get the heating fixed so we are left in a cold house through the winter. I would move out but I have the cheepest room I could find and can't afford to move out now. Anyway this isn't my main problem.

First things first. The heating may be only a minor thing but it's making you miserable, understandably. Why would you have to pay, and why is the landlord of the property not getting the heating fixed?

MILF

I'm nearly positive that the Landlord is responsible for getting your heating fixed. It might be a small fish in a big pond to you but when you have heated bones, things tend to be a little less miserable. I remember we had no heat 2 winters ago cos I got cut off. Well, I was never as miserable and depressed. I was burning anything I could just to keep the fire going! Books, magazines, paper bags etc. Ask your Landlord to fix the heating and if he refuses, go to www.threshold.ie You'll find your rights as a tenant there.

In relation to your shyness, maybe if you joined a local club somewhere which does something your interested in? I'm not shy myself but I did find that after I had my baby, I became boring to my friends and gradually lost them all. I needed to pick myself up and find like-minded people to talk to and hang out with. I joined the local basketball team and the local Weight Watchers group. You probably don't need the Weight Watchers but you get my idea...Get out there and meet some people and see what happens.

As for the ex-boyfriend, I have a friend who went through something very similar to you and she ended up seeking therapy. She needed to talk to someone who was an outsider to her life and she said it was the best thing she ever did.It helped her immensely. I'm not saying you NEED therapy, but it might be an outlet for your thoughts and grievances about what happened. Its always good to talk and the fact that you posted here shows to me that you are willing to talk to someone and hear what advice is out there for you to move on in the various aspects of your life. Time is a great healer and if you actively seek to get yourself out there, even as a start to turning your life around, you'll see yourself coming out the other side! But make sure you do this with warm bones!! Make sure you contact that Landlord and, as I said, that's what Threshold is there for if you get any refusals to fix the heating!