Earning More Than Your Partner

LegacyUser

I've noticed a few threads here about financial issues, not surprising in this economic climate and mine is in a similar vein.

My boyfriend and I have been going out for 3 months, not long in some people's eyes but at our age (I'm 29 and he's 35) you know what you want and what you don't want. We are in love and have talked about moving in together in the New Year, around Easter time actually. My boyfriend has his own house so I would move in there. I have a decent job and earn a good, steady salary and to be honest I've never had to share it with anyone before in the serious sense having never lived with a boyfriend. He has a job that was hit big time in the recession so while he does that when work is available he also works as a barman. He earns half of what I do and I'm not sure how to handle the financial side of things.....so far it has been pretty evenly split, we both pay our way but I'm worried about when we move in together....what if his situation worsens, will I be left paying for everything and I'm afraid I'd start to resent him for it.

The reason his last relationship broke up was because she left as soon as recession hit and he wasn't earning the big bucks anymore. He also feels emascualted to an extent by this.....I was in a relationship before where he was a complete scrounger and I paid for everything and I felt like such dirt I wonder am I being too hard.....

Are there any women out there especially who are in or have been in similar situation?

Ickle Magoo

I know quite a few couples where the earnings pull has been switched at some stage in the relationship or caused by the recession...myself included. I think it's a little different if you have an established relationship or marriage and you then have to juggle finances around than if you are setting up a relationship which already has an earning imbalance - tho they each bring their own issues.

In the case of a new relationship then I think the best advice is; talk, talk, talk! Talk about everything so you both know what the deal is. I think it would be madness to move in together until you have discussed properly how finances are going to work because as you already know, an income imbalance can cause numerous issues and lead to resentment if assumptions are made or expectations differ.

I think you also have to decide if you are really ready to be moving in together and making that kind of commitment because moving in together makes a clear statement of intent regarding your relationship and an expectation of financial obligation often goes hand-in-hand. If he was to loose his job how does the rent get paid? How would you feel about going out with mates when he hasn't been out in weeks? How long are you happy to be paying the lions share of everything? One year? Three years? 10 years? Always?

For the record, I don't think it matters if one or other party earn less - but I think it's really important that all possible issues such a scenario can trigger are discussed and a plan of action agreed upon for each so neither of you get confused over boundaries and expectations and you can just get on enjoying life together.

All the best

Moomoo1

if he owns a house then surely he isn't all that poor?

there are two ways to approach the situation. What I consider to be the good way is to think of all your money as common. So it doesn't matter _who_ earns it, you have the common finances of a family unit.

The second way is that you take your calculators out and decide who pays for what. But then surely you cannot live in his house for free, you should pay him rent?

S23

You're only going out 3 months. It will be about 6 months by the time you move in. Regardless of knowing what you want thats a new relationship.

What I'd do is pay him his rent and then split the utilties/groceries etc... down the middle to begin with.

Myself and the OH split 50/50 regardless of who is earning what. However, we're together a long while now and we both have enough money to go and enjoy ourselves (within reason) if we feel like it so thats a bit different.

I can only ask myself would I be willing to split my income down the middle with a new girlfriend after such a short space of time. I wouldn't but that's just me. I'd be happy to split bills and pay her rent (as unromantic as that sounds) to assist with the mortgage if we moved in together (which I wouldn't be planning after 3 months but thats another story).And for the record myself and my missus are the same age as you and your OH so it's a fairly direct comparison

Cheap Thrills!

Just split everything down the middle 50/50. I don't know where you're getting the idea you have to share your money because you live together.. Pay your way and nothing more. You are not obliged to support him if things get tough.

If it comes to the stage one or other can't pay their way then a cheaper living arrangement can be sorted at that stage.

I think it's wise to always keep your finances seperate from your partners. Are you sure you are comfortable moving into his house. He will hold all the power which can be an insecure feeling.

As he owns the house here he has the upper hand which I wouldn't be comfortable with but if you want to go ahead anyway, make sure you always have enough money put away to walk out if you need to and let him know you have that so he doesn't try to dominate.

Do not invest anything in the house. Do not buy anything for the house or pay anything for maintenance etc. All you need to do is cover half the mortgage and utilities while you're there. I wouldn't pay a deposit either.

I own my house and myself and my BF lived there. I charged him half the mortgage and utilities but I didn't expect him to contribute to anything to do with the house eg if the washing machine breaks down, i buy a new one. That way if something goes wrong, it's a clean break. He can walk out and I owe him nothing and he has no claim on my place.

Get the ground rules sorted now and make sure everything is understood.

G-Money

My mate is married and he earns a fair bit more than his mrs but what they do is not a 50/50 split, it's like a 60/40 split. I think it seems fair as she doesn't earn as much as him so it would be a bit unrealistic to expect her to pay as much as him. He said they worked it out the ratio based on how much each of them earns and the difference in the salary.

As others have said OP, it's good to talk these things through. However you should ask yourself what you would want/expect if the situation was reversed and be honest about it too.