In bed with B/F's close friend.. oooppps!

mmdd

Iv committed probably the worst crime a Girlfriend can commit..
AND YES I KNOW IM A TERRIBLE PERSON--

I ended up in bed with my partner of 6years, close friend..
Its happened 3 times now.. we have decided to stay well away from each other from now on.. havent even spoken since it happened last.

There is an attraction between us and we have always got on very well. he is the best craic and I have always counted him amoung my closest friends also.. untill we had one too many drinks and woke up in bed together.. oopppss!!
Then I decided I needed a break from my relationship.. my head was a bit confused by what happened and met up with other guy to talk and once again we slept with each other.. and then AGAIN.

My BF and I are back together now because I know I love him, but my head is in a complete mess.. (BF doesnt know anything about what happened)

I cannot stop thinking about what happened.. This "friend" of ours is always around with us and there is still alot of tension between us.
He seems to be on my mind alot now.. but we havent spoken properly about our little indiscretion probably because we are so ashamed about what we did.

I havent a clue what to do.. my friends say.. just stay away from him, forget about what happened and get on with my relationship.. but i wish it was that easy.

Im thinking about "it" every minute of every day and thinking about "him" all the time.. I know probably just lust.. but its consuming my thoughts at the moment..

HELP!!! advice..

Taltos

OP

suggest you re-read your post a few times.
Next take responsibility - these things do not just happen THREE times.

Finally forget about a break - end your current relationship and take a few months for yourself. You are clearly not in any kind of mindset to be in a committed relationship.
Would suggest your OH's "friend" do something similar and acquaint himself with the definition of friend.

To be honest the tone of your post annoys/offends me - you come across as quite flippant and "oh poor me - look what just happened" - not sure if this was intentional - but three times??

You really have to ask yourself - what are you playing at?

Zeouterlimits

Your boyfriend deserves the truth.
You claim to love him. Be honest with him, respect him and your relationship (more than you have so far).

LeahK

Hi OP,

One line in particular stood out to me

untill we had one too many drinks and woke up in bed together.. oopppss!!

Really... oooops? you sleep with one of your partners friends and thats the level of remorse that you show?

I would think deep down you know what you have to do. If your not married/have kids, I'd say break free and let your OH move on. If you do, you really need to sort yourself out and take a good long look at yourself.

Breaking up with someone you 'love' can be hard, but in fairness to him, the rest of his life is at stake here. If you know your going to end up hurting him (which you WILL if you keep this behavior up) do the right thing and call it quits before someone gets very hurt.

Colonel_McCoy

Your boyfriend deserves a lot better than you. "oooppps!" You fell into bed three times with him. Yeah Right!

If I said what is on my mind now regarding both of your actions I would get banned from this forum.

mmdd

you are all totally right.. my head is very confused right now and im not taking it as seriously as i should.
our relationship has been no rose garden either.. iv been hurt in the past by my partner. he had a drink problem for several years and he did plenty of horrible things to me..
i think that has left a scar in my heart somewhere..

Wompa1

mmdd wrote: »

you are all totally right.. my head is very confused right now and im not taking it as seriously as i should.
our relationship has been no rose garden either.. iv been hurt in the past by my partner. he had a drink problem for several years and he did plenty of horrible things to me..
i think that has left a scar in my heart somewhere..

You have a problem with your I's dear!! People have issues, that's part of a relationship. You try and help each other through them or go your seperate ways. If you were hurt you could have left. What you did and your attitude towards it is unbelievable. Your b/f deserves better. Do the right thing and tell him and let him break up with you and kick the other guys ass.

mmdd

thanks 4 all your advice and criticism.. its what iv needed to hear..

iv had all this buildin up in my head for a while and it was driving me slowly insane..

i hate myself..

Wompa1

mmdd wrote: »

thanks 4 all your advice and criticism.. its what iv needed to hear..

iv had all this buildin up in my head for a while and it was driving me slowly insane..

i hate myself..

To be honest you should feel bad and carry this with you forever. I think anyone that cheats, not just you should have it in the back of their head for life. It's one of the lousiest things you can do to somebody. You boyfriend will probably never fully trust anyone again.

My current girlfriend cheated on one of her ex's and she makes every excuse as to why it was ok. It's never ok. Break up and then screw who ever you want.

mmdd

my B/F cheated on my with his ex 2 years ago also.. I spent along time thinking.. but I eventually told him I forgave him.. but to be honest I dont think I ever really did..

Wompa1

mmdd wrote: »

my B/F cheated on my with his ex 2 years ago also.. I spent along time thinking.. but I eventually told him I forgave him.. but to be honest I dont think I ever really did..

excuses. You should have broke up with him. Cheating is a deal breaker.

LeahK

If he cheated on you and you cheated on him, i would reckon thats a good indicator that you dont belong together.

Dont hate yourself OP, do whats right for yourself and your partner and move on. It will be a relief after all this.:)

diverdad

mmdd wrote: »

Iv committed probably the worst crime a Girlfriend can commit..
AND YES I KNOW IM A TERRIBLE PERSON--

I ended up in bed with my partner of 6years, close friend..
Its happened 3 times now.. we have decided to stay well away from each other from now on.. havent even spoken since it happened last.

There is an attraction between us and we have always got on very well. he is the best craic and I have always counted him amoung my closest friends also.. untill we had one too many drinks and woke up in bed together.. oopppss!!
Then I decided I needed a break from my relationship.. my head was a bit confused by what happened and met up with other guy to talk and once again we slept with each other.. and then AGAIN.

My BF and I are back together now because I know I love him, but my head is in a complete mess.. (BF doesnt know anything about what happened)

I cannot stop thinking about what happened.. This "friend" of ours is always around with us and there is still alot of tension between us.
He seems to be on my mind alot now.. but we havent spoken properly about our little indiscretion probably because we are so ashamed about what we did.

I havent a clue what to do.. my friends say.. just stay away from him, forget about what happened and get on with my relationship.. but i wish it was that easy.

Im thinking about "it" every minute of every day and thinking about "him" all the time.. I know probably just lust.. but its consuming my thoughts at the moment..

HELP!!! advice..

You must want out of that relationship. Else why would you be playing with fire the way you are?
Putting aside the fact that you cheated on your BF (and to rub salt into the wound it was with a close friend of his), you have thoughts and feelings for somebody other that your BF. This alone is being unfair to your present BF.
How long do you intend stringing him along until someone better comes along?
Do you intend being fateful in the future? You appear to have gotten away with sleeping with his mate and it doesn't seem to have affected you that much. The door has been opened there for you and as you don't seem to have that much regret it looks likely that you may stray again on him.

However, its the fact that you are wanting somebody else all the time which means that you are being untrue to both your BF and yourself.

Incidently, just how many friends did you tell and discuss this affair with? That is the sort of juicy gossip that people love to discuss and mull over.
How long before it gets back to your BF?

Taltos

OP

You are still doing it - failing to take responsibility....

It is NOT your BFs fault that you had sex with his mate 3 times.
It was your choice, the first time, the second time and the third time.

Cop on please. Take a break - get your head straight and take responsibility here. It is all you and it not down to your BFs poor treatment of you or the tooth-fairy - it is YOU.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and recognize that YOU did this and only you and the friend are at fault here.
You chose to stay with your BF when he cheated on you.
Personally I would not tell him with the intent of seeing if he sticks with you - I would end it and say "it is over. I cannot and have not been faithful and this F*cked up relationship is something we both need to leave in the past".

<sigh>

aidan24326

mmdd wrote: »

my B/F cheated on my with his ex 2 years ago also.. I spent along time thinking.. but I eventually told him I forgave him.. but to be honest I dont think I ever really did..

You know you're just making excuses now. There's alot of 'poor me' coming across in your posts. Either you forgave him or you didn't, the fact you're still together suggests you did to all intents and purposes, so there's no point revisiting that now as some sort of get out clause for what you did.

Wompa1 wrote: »

excuses. You should have broke up with him. Cheating is a deal breaker.

Cheating can be and often is a deal breaker, but it depends on the people involved, the stage of their relationship, the circumstances surrounding it etc. In short, it depends on a number of factors. Life doesn't work in just black and white absolutes.

Wompa1

aidan24326 wrote: »

Cheating can be and often is a deal breaker, but it depends on the people involved, the stage of their relationship, the circumstances surrounding it etc. In short, it depends on a number of factors. Life doesn't work in just black and white absolutes.

Funny enough that's constantly a criticism of me from my gf. I see things as black and white. It's either the right thing or the wrong thing. It has it's benefits though, I can make decisions very quickly.

I'm trying to get my head more understanding of people but I suppose just because I expect alot from myself I shouldn't expect the same from others.

fghijkl

OP all you want is sympathy.

my friends say.. just stay away from him, forget about what happened and get on with my relationship.. but i wish it was that easy.

I'm sure your friends give it to you and accept your whinging and excuses
:rolleyes:You won't get it from me i'm afraid.

Its not his fault you decided to stay with him when he had a drink problem

Its not his fault you decided to stay with him when he cheated on you.

These were all your own decisions. Like it was your decision to shag his close friend repeatedly.

My BF and I are back together now because I know I love him

You don't love him. You love being the center of attention. You love creating drama. You love feeling wanted. You don't love your boyfriend.

Drama queens are far too rife these days, makes me sad
Dump him he deserves better than you

aidan24326

Wompa1 wrote: »

Funny enough that's constantly a criticism of me from my gf. I see things as black and white. It's either the right thing or the wrong thing. It has it's benefits though, I can make decisions very quickly.

I'm trying to get my head more understanding of people but I suppose just because I expect alot from myself I shouldn't expect the same from others.

Well, what you should expect from yourself is that you allow for intermedates, that you avoid where possible what Richard Dawkins calls 'the discontinuous mind' that only sees things in a GW Bush 'you're either with us or against us' kind of way (like, can't we just be neutral?)
Anyway this is straying slightly off-topic.

fghijkl wrote:

You don't love him. You love being the center of attention. You love creating drama. You love feeling wanted. You don't love your boyfriend.

That may all be true, but you're making a few assumptions there without really knowing all the facts.

Novella

Do your boyfriend a favour and break up with him. He cheated on you in the past, he's had issues with drink... so? The current problem is that you're cheating and trying to excuse it by saying that he has hurt too. Two wrongs don't make a right etc. 'Oooops', you ended up in bed with someone else three times? Oooops? I mean, seriously? That isn't a little mistake. Did you expect people to feel sorry for you? We've all been hurt in the past, OP. It doesn't mean it's acceptable to hurt back, and brush it off with an 'oops'.

S23

You didn't get any sympathy (quite the opposite in fact) so then you started with the 'he had a drink problem' and 'he cheated on me' bit. I've no idea whether either of these things are true or not because it seems likely extremely relevant information to have left out of your intial post if you actually thought any of it was a factor.

All I can tell you is even if it is true that a) sticking by someone through a problem and b) forgiving them for cheating on you does not entitle you to go and do what you want further down the line then start citing these things that happend in the past. You're not entitled to a 'get out of jail free card' because of the past. You're fully accountable for your actions right here and right now.

And your actions (and your own reaction to them) are shocking to be honest. Ooopss I fcuked a close friend of his 3 times so woe is me why can't it all be better? I don't think so.

Break up with him. Sort yourself out and spend some time thinking about what it is you want out of life/relationships and when you get your head straight then start again

brighteyed84

Just my opinion here but.....

To all the cheaters everywhere Do you really not realise the affect you leave on the other person when the truth comes out????

This topic really enrages me to be honest. I have friends who have been cheated on both male and female and its the aftermath that makes the act of the selfish person so much worse.

They are lovely people in a loving relationship while the OH is playing away and having no consideration to their b/f or g/f. When it does come to light, the injured party is so hurt, the pain never really goes away and because of one persons selfish behaviour, ruins a person for what could be the "Right Person" down the road.

I have seen it, they don't really care anymore and start treating people as they were treated.

Its all a vicious circle becuase people such as OP have no foresight to see what might happen down the road.

WHY CHEAT??! Break up and then screw whoever you want.

So OP break up with your boyfriend becuase you wouldnt have cheated if you were really in love with him in the first place. Leave him with a bit of dignity and self-respect before the knowledge that the two closest people to him in his eyes have done the dirtiest thing they could to him that anyone could do!!!!!!!!!

curlzy

OOOPS!!! Seriously? That's how you feel about f*cking your boyfriends best friend 3 times? Wow, I don't know whether to puke or cry for you, it must be awful to be as insanely shallow, attention seeking and self serving as you, you're gonna end up really really lonely because people will see through you. Your poor boyfriend, his girlfriend and best friend, you'd both need to look up the definitions of those words, what you have done is beyond scumbag behaviour. I really hope you break up with your BF because even if he's Hitler he would deserve to be treated better than you've treated him. You're whole tone is "oh poor me" and to be honest it's disgusting, you don't even have the good grace to be ashamed. :mad:

tinkerbell

mmdd wrote: »

untill we had one too many drinks and woke up in bed together.. oopppss!!

My BF and I are back together now because I know I love him, but my head is in a complete mess..

Oopppss? Seriously - Oopppss? That's all you have to say about what you did? You don't give a crap about your boyfriend if that's the kind of attitude you have.

And secondly "I know I love him" - that's a lie. You wouldn't sleep with anybody other than your boyfriend if you loved him. You don't care about him at all, and that is quite evident in the fact that you screwed his best friend not once, not twice, but three times.

Tell your boyfriend the truth so he can see you for who you really are and find a girl who will actually respect him and treat him with the respect that he deserves. And then he can also ditch his so-called "friend" as well, and then you and his friend are free to sleep with whoever ye want.

linguini

curlzy wrote: »

OOOPS!!! I really hope you break up with your BF because even if he's Hitler he would deserve to be treated better than you've treated him. :mad:

I'm sorry but that's a ridiculous thing to say! :eek:


OP, you come across as immature and self centered. I reckon you need to take some time for yourself and do a bit of growing up. I think that deep down you know that what you've done is wrong, even if that doesn't come across in your post.
You need to learn that actions have consequences and that you can't just be lead willy-nilly into situations, and then think it wasn't your fault. Its your responsibility to make sure these things don't just happen. You're in control of your own life, no one else, and to me it seems that this is something you haven't learnt.

FoxT

OP, you are not a terrible person, but what you are doing here is wrong & you know it.

Once would have been an accident, but twice is carelessness & three times does send out a signal that something is wrong here. Only you can answer the 'what is wrong' question.

- Are you unhappy with your relationship with your boyfriend in some way?
- 6 years is a long time, has your relationship got into a rut? Can you work with your BF to get it out?
- Do you drink too much?
- Something else?

You need to be honest with yourself & identify the problem here. Then you need to fix it. Probably wont be easy for you to do this but if you dont it will blow up on you at some stage....

Best of luck,