Significance of lying?

LegacyUser

So basically I've been with my boyfriend for nearly two months now. I hadn't know him previous to this, but from what friends have told me that have known him for a while, they have never ever seen him this happy in a long time and he tells me everyday numerous times how crazy he is about me, how he'd do anything for me, how all he wants in life is for me to be happy etc etc..

He's even said that he would love to spend the rest of his life with me (very forward I know, but he feels as if I'm the one and having been hurt a lot in the past sees no reason why he shouldn't pursue what makes him happiest I guess). I'm 16 and he's 20 and at first the age gap scared me, but now I'm fine with it. However I'm going to be moving abroad to Asia in January, and he's even said that when he finishes his studies here in April he's going to come and join me. It's gotten to the stage where he's deciding on university applications based on where I'm going to be.

I understand I am very lucky to have someone care so much about me, and I am 100% sure that he means it, however I have a feeling (and am 90% sure) that he has lied to me on a few occasions. I believe everything he says when it comes to our relationship, his feelings for me, how he'd never cheat etc, but when he talks about his life, what he's done and achieved, I think that he's lying. I asked him very vaguely recently when we were having a discussion whether has has ever lied, and he came clean with one thing regarding his education, but I can't help but feel there's more.

Also I think he only told me because other people had dropped things in conversations which contradicted his original story that he had told me. He told me he only did this because he was embarrassed/ashamed and wanted to impress me/make me proud. Now I love him to pieces and I know he's not telling me the truth because he doesn't want me to judge him etc.. And when he originally told me this stories/lies we weren't together and he was trying to impress me as I was knew there and there were other guys after me (so I was told). I'm not saying our relationship is false at all. The feelings are all real, just not other aspects of our lives before we met.

I've been tempted to question him about it again, I mean after all if he loves me as much as he says surely he has nothing to hide (though I know he is afraid of losing me, which is why he may not want to come clean as the one thing I've ever asked of him is to be honest with me). If he is to move halfway across the world with me, surely I know I need to be straight forward with him about my doubts. But on the other hand, I don't want to embarrass him (stupid reasoning I know), or make things awkward.

I love him for who he is and have told him several times, but I always get the feeling that he feels the need to justify himself to me as if he's not good enough. I know this may seem stupid, that I should just ask him straight out, but I genuinely don't know how to do it..

Sorry if this is a really long post, but I would appreciate any advice from anyone.. Thanks

Miss Fluff

You could have it out of him and say that you've heard conflicting stories from him a few times now. Say that while its sweet that he wants to impress you, you value honesty so there is no need for him to do it anymore.

Or you can start dropping massive hints that you find lies abhorent (even teeny white ones) and see them as a dumpable offence - how you hate anyone lying to you. Maybe then he will stop himself from doing it.

And on a side note, he does sound VERY intense. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you so don't go making any crazy commitements to him

Wibbs

Miss Fluff wrote: »

YAnd on a side note, he does sound VERY intense. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you so don't go making any crazy commitements to him

This. OK you're both young(though he has a few years on you) but people this intense this quickly can be a handful at times. Like Miss F said I'd let him know how you feel and I'd dial back the intensity a bit. Enjoy yourselves but at your pace, not just his.

curlzy

Have agree with Wibbs, seems you're rushing along at a 20 year old pace, but you're 16 , that's beyond way too young to be talking about the rest of your lives:eek:. He has the advantage here with regards being older so do things on YOUR terms, including on insisting on honesty.

whatsamsn

Hmmm, its hard to figure out if he is lying a lot or just little white lies. You only seem to say he lied about his education (but not doing into detail about the other things)

To me it sounds like he is a type of guy who is blowing himself out. Which is never a nice trait in someone. Its not like the worst trait someone can have but it can feel like someone is insulting your intelligence by telling obvious or contradicting lies.

On a side note op, your 16 and he is 20. You say your moving away to Asia in January. Take what you have with him with a pinch of salt. Especially him "moving away later on to be with you" - being 20 he is at high likelihood to change what he is feeling in Jan, when the fact your moving away is in his face.

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

You could have it out of him and say that you've heard conflicting stories from him a few times now. Say that while its sweet that he wants to impress you, you value honesty so there is no need for him to do it anymore.

Or you can start dropping massive hints that you find lies abhorent (even teeny white ones) and see them as a dumpable offence - how you hate anyone lying to you. Maybe then he will stop himself from doing it.

And on a side note, he does sound VERY intense. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you so don't go making any crazy commitements to him

OP here.

Thanks for the replies guys.. I have tried to drop several hints, including the whole "the only thing I ask of you, or ever will ask of you is to be honest with me." He's not originally from here, and had a very hard time settling in when he first arrived which is why I think he span these stories in order to be accepted by people more easily. I have considered saying that I have heard conflicting stories, but any "stories" he has told me, are the ones he tells everyone else. He will ask where these sources are, and to be honest, I don't wish to disclose why I have my suspicions as they were a result of sticking my nose in things which I really shouldn't have. As to your side note, yes he is very intense. So much so I actually asked for a bit of space a couple of weeks ago just to clear my head. He's said that he will only move with me for the 6 months that I am away only if I want him to, and that it is up to me. He intends on coming a 3 months after I go, which does give me a bit of room on my own I guess to truly figure out what I do indeed want/feel is right for me