Was this sexual abuse?

wealthyman

When I was 7 I used to go to my uncle's house and play with my cousin's. One of them is 5 years older than me, so he was 12 at the time. When the others were out of sight he used to take me to the hayshed where he would make me fondle his penis and he would also do the same to me. He described it as playing 'doctors'. What would you call this?

Adam

i'd call it a curious child to be honest, you cant possibly believe there was negative intent in his actions?

CdeC

OP,
You have to decide this. Do you feel abused.?

He was 12. He definitely took advantage of you to explore his own sexuality. My advice is to not give it too much thought.

Taltos

I would be more curious as to who was teaching him this game...
A lot of kids will play doctor - but the fondling bit I am not sure of.

Nevyn

Yes such explorations can happen between children, if you are having difficulty with what happened to you, I would suggest you get professional help to deal with the matter.

tenchi-fan

I'm inclined to say it wasn't sexual abuse. He should have known better but there's a big difference between a 12 year old and an adult.

Des Carter

Iv a cousin that age and believe me your cousin knew exactly what he was doing. However it depends on how it affects you now more than anything as I dont believe there was any malicious intent if it was just fondling. But ya I would see it as sexual abuse.

LegacyUser

sex play is fairly normal with children from 6 years up and sometimes earlier, I believe experts say if there is a seven year age gap or more it becomes predatory and falls into the abuse catagory. Im sure your cousin was just exploring/

Queen-Mise

wealthyman wrote: »

When I was 7 I used to go to my uncle's house and play with my cousin's. One of them is 5 years older than me, so he was 12 at the time. When the others were out of sight he used to take me to the hayshed where he would make me fondle his penis and he would also do the same to me. He described it as playing 'doctors'. What would you call this?

Abuse for me. He is five years older - only a few months from being a teenager. If it was playing doctors, why need to do it behind a hayshed.


To be honest - it doesn't matter what our opinion is. It is your interpretation that matters. That fact that you remember it after 'x' amount of years would suggest that a part of your mind doesn't think it was ok. Unless you have an incredible memory - I wouldn't say you know what games you played for the three days before or after that incident. That is a sign in itself.

zero_nine

Technically sexual abuse. However nothing legally could be done I done think since you were both so young. It makes you both victims of sexual abuse, technically.

Creepy though. I remember being that age but that never would have been on the cards. Out of interest, is your cousin gay now? (since he had a sexual interest in boys).

Nolanger

Find out if the uncle told him to bring you to that shed?

zero_nine

Nolanger wrote: »

Find out if the uncle told him to bring you to that shed?

Hardly likely.

deadpoet

If it was mere childhood curiosity - playing doctors as you put it - then why take it out to the shed? He must have known what he was doing was in some way out of line.

Again, we cant label this sexual abuse...technically its sexual exploration, and it is quite common as far as I'm aware, but its concerning none the less.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Des Carter wrote: »

Iv a cousin that age and believe me your cousin knew exactly what he was doing. However it depends on how it affects you now more than anything as I dont believe there was any malicious intent if it was just fondling. But ya I would see it as sexual abuse.

You are basing this because of one person you know??? :rolleyes:

Not all 12 year olds are the same as your cousin...

Elle Collins

tenchi-fan wrote: »

I'm inclined to say it wasn't sexual abuse. He should have known better but there's a big difference between a 12 year old and an adult.

There's a big difference between a twelve year old and a seven year old.

OP of course your cousin knew what he was doing was wrong otherwise he'd hardly have been doing it in secret out in a hayshed. Yes, it was sexual abuse.

neuro-praxis

Nobody can say if it was abuse or not and it is dangerous to do so. Only you can know how it made you feel.

I suggest you take Thaedydal's advice on the matter.