Unsure of what to do...

LegacyUser

Hi,

Looking for a little feeback/opinions please. I'll try keep it as short as possible but I doubt it will happen!

Ok so About 5 years ago, I met my ex, was so so so in love, absolutely crazy about one another, I moved from England to Ireland to be with him, we were perfect for one another, I have been in a few long term relationships, I have been in love before but my ex was a completely different story and he says the same, I have never felt this much for anyone before, I dunno what it is, we were just totally infatuated with one another.... This is basically what caused the break up of our relationship, we were both too possessive, obsessive, jealous, paranoid. It became unbearable where both of us were so desperate to be with one another but our personalities just couldnt let it happen.

Soon after the break up, I met someone knew, It was a rebound thing but I got pregnant, the man im with now, hes amazing, I couldnt have asked for a better partner, a perfect dad, he's just one in a million but theres something missing!! I love him so much but its not the same and every single day I think of my ex, we are in touch all the time which doesnt help either. I can say for a fact that my man just now is a thousand times better man than my ex. He treats me better, I have no trust issues with him, we never argue. He's just perfect but yet I cant stop thinking of my ex and what it would be like to be with him and I find myself constantly wishes I had my old life back with my ex.

My ex wants me back. He says he will be a better man and step dad to my child, that he is ready for our relationship now and things will be better this time round because a lot of time has passed and he has matured and now knows what it will take to make our relationship work.

I do not intend to leave my partner, I cant. I couldnt do that to him, I couldnt do that to my son but im scared that I will end up regretting it in the future. Im not sure I believe my ex and his promises, he let me down an awful lot before but he swears we would be happy. I cant stop thinking about him, I would find it unbearable and completely heart crushing if he were to meet someone new.

advice please. thanks

Feeling Groovy

Im not sure, its tricky. I would suggest that put your child first in this. If you feel it wouldnt have an effect on your child then maybe its worth pursuing. But if its going to tear his world wide open then you really have to think very hard about it. Turning around in years to come and having to tell him that his dad was a perfect dad and one in a million but still wasnt good enough for you could lead to trust issues for your offspring in the future.

CathyMoran

OP, it appears to me that your ex was your first love. The man that you are with now is your soulmate - being in love does not have to be hard. If your ex was any good he would leave you to live your life and not contact you unless he found out that you were single - he wants what he can not have and would soon be bored with you. I think that you had a lucky escape.

Zen65

unsurewhattodo wrote: »

I love him so much but its not the same and every single day I think of my ex, we are in touch all the time which doesnt help either.

Your husband is a very understanding man to not put some pressure on you to stop this regular contact with your ex. Does he know how regularly the two of you stay in contact?

I don't think you have been fair to your husband in keeping this up. I'm sure if he kept in touch with an ex for whom he had such strong feelings you would be displeased. Perhaps in years to come, what you will really regret is how you were so unfaithful to your husband (who you describe in such glowing terms) for all this time, and how that eventually damaged your relationship.

I believe that for you the path of least regret would be to end the ongoing contact with your ex, and focus on your relationship with your husband; try to figure out what it is that's "missing" and see how you can make it work better. It's all too easy (and frankly, lazy) to look at faraway grass and say it's greener, especially when you've been there and it wasn't all that good.

I don't mean to be disrespectful or harsh in my comments. Throughout my life I have found those friends who are least happy are the ones who look at everything except the things that are close to them, and wish for the things they do not have while ignoring the wonderful things they have. There is no joy to be had trying to ride two horses at the same time.

You have already made your choice, now it's up to you to do your utmost to make it work.


Be at peace,

Z