Relationship has just ended

LegacyUser

I was going out with my gf for approx 12 months (this friday actually it would of been 1 year) and last night I got a call that she doesn't see a future with us.
I am totally devastated. I haven't stopped crying since I left work yesterday evening at 5.30.
We are both in our early 30's. She has one child who is 9 and a great little kid. I love them both so much. We had some trust issues (mostly from my side) early on but we worked these out, dealt with it and moved on.
She is gorgeous, attractive, funny, smart and incredile and I always thought that she would see sense and move on from me, I don't think that I am anything special. I gave her my heart and we helped each other through alot (my Dad died in June this year).
She said last night she began to have doubts about us about 2 months ago but tried to put them out of her head and carry on, but it came to a head last night. I asked her was there someone else, to which she replied no, and I believe that. I am stunned. I ended up walking home from work in the rain which took me 2 hours. I was just crying and crying. I have a broken heart. The pain is unreal.
To make matters worse I started a new job last week, a really good job and I don't think I can go back in there now. I took today off.
We had lots of things planned her and my birthdays are in Dec and we had Christmas to look forward to. I will never see her again as we live on different sides of the city and I no longer work in the same company. She is my world and I don't know if I can get through this hurt. I told myself I would never let anyone hurt me like this again after my last relationship broke up 5 years ago. But it has happened again. I am trying to make sense of it all. I told her I would give her space to think about things but she said it's not going to matter. I love her and I told her every single day.
I don't know what to do. I can't go on, my life is nothing without her and her child in it. My whole world has come crashing down around me, just when I thought everything was falling into place. We even discussed us moving in together next summer.
I have never pain like this before in my life.

ilovetosing

The first thing you have to do in all off this is simple mate. You NEED to go back into this new job and work. You broke up and thats that! There is no reason why your career should go down the toilet also.

Breakups are tough and you will get through it but keeping busy and working and doing stuff with friends will help it all. You have to remember that its just you now and that means you have to do things for and look after yourself.

peace

Canluum

As utterly horrible as it is, we all (well most of us) know it. In psychology it's called project loss, you're mourning the loss of the future you pictured yourself having. And yes it hits you like an 18-wheeler...

The standard reply to people in your situation is:

Cut all contact. Delete from Facebook. Hit the gym.

There is a lot of wisdom in those words and all three will ease and shorten your grieving process and help you function and not ruin your life as you become normal again. I recommend you do all three without compromise.

Although it is not the biggest help in the world, it is worth looking around and realising this happens all the time, to many thousands of people. They all manage to pick up and move on and if they can do it so can you.

The most important thing to do is respect her decision on this. Too many people in your situation keep picking up the phone, or sending letters and SMS and Emails. This rarely helps and in fact most often causes more trouble. It changes you in her mind from the person she was with to the person who when she sees your name will think “Oh no, here we go with another Email/Long Phone Call/SMS of him being upset" and slowly you become that person in her mind and the person she once liked is long replaced by this new image.

Instead, take the advice above. Get back to work and the gym and your hobbies and throw yourself into them. They will take your mind off it long enough for you to build a new routine and get back into life without her.

If for any reason this woman does start coming back to you, then just be yourself… the yourself that she first fell for back in the first days…. do not allow yourself to become the person in paragraph 2 above. No telling her how much you hurt, how much you want her back, how lost your life is, or that old chesnutt worst live you can ever use of "You will never find anyone who will love you like I do" or any such emotional pressure. Neither of you will come out better for conversations like that.

LegacyUser

I'm going through it for the last year - after a 20 year marriage in my case. It's unbelievably hard to cope, but you have to....Every stupid little thing reminds me of her and I feel the tears welling up - songs on the radio, ads on the tv, old photos on my phone and so on. Added to that in my case, is the realisation that in my 50s I'm unlikely to get another chance to start again (not that I've any desire for that at the moment)

What helped me over the last few months was the realisation that "this is as bad as it gets - it will get better". I treat every day I get through as a small victory in surviving the pain. The advice from the posters above is good. I'm not the gym type, but I go a few times a week. Do things that give you a bit of a lift. Friends are very important if there's someone you can unburden yourself to - I was VERY surprised at the people that were there for me (and the one's who weren't).

Keep busy and try not to dwell too much on the unanswerable questions going round in your head because it justs becomes a downward spiral into depression. I still have bad days, but there are a few good days too now. It will get better.

ClutchIt

You are still really young remember.

LegacyUser

OP here.
thanks for the replies so far. I feel like curling up and climbing into a hole. I just don't see any way out. I want her but she doesn't want me anymore. It's so hard. I don't have that many friends I can count on. I just want her to take me back. I'm trying so hard not to contact her.

DangerMouse27

Canluum...great post. Its the threes steps that save most guys minds. The urge to text her whatever is unbearable but you must not..so important and dont reply either. She made the decision now let her live by it.

LegacyUser

It's a bit harsh to say, right, that's it, cut all contact, move on, get out there again asap!
Did this phonecall come totally out of the blue?
What did she mean by she "didn't see a future" with you? As in, she wanted marriage but you weren't interested so she didn't see a future? Or as in, she didn't see the two of you working out longterm? Did she clarify exactly what the issues were/if there was any hope at all?
It's a waste of time having an 11month relationship if you don't learn something, good or bad.

S23

I'd agree with a lot of the above advice. I can't belive no one has commented on how chickensh*t she was doing this over the phone though. Right out of the blue a call while he is at work from his GF that he'd been seeing for a year to the effect of ' I don't want to see you anymore, goodbye'.

The OP said he won't see her again. That's a fcuking cold way to end things. I doubt seeing her now would help the OP but I'd reckon the severe way in which the relationship ended is magnifying his sense of loss.

OP you seem a decent bloke (and I'm not going to hammer her on this one) but that was no way to end a relationship on her part. When you've been going out a year you deserve a lot better. She basically bailed on the realtionship leaving you no sense of closure and leaving your head spinning with a million things you'd like to have addressed in person.

Stay brave is all I'll say. And take the 3 step advice. Cut all contact. Delete from Facebook (which, excuse me for being a luddite, seems to cause nothing but fcuking problems for people on here) and Hit the gym. You can probably replace that with an activity you can throw yourself into if you like but being fit and healthy is never a bad thing.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here,

Firstly I love her so much. When she said she didn't see a future with us she meant that she doesn't see us working out longterm. Her feelings for me have changed is what she said. I am at a complete loss as to what to do.
I got a few hours sleep last night but on the drive into work this morning I just started crying again. The pain is unbearable. I called over to a friend last night and I was crying before he even answered the door.
This came right out of the blue I'm stunned and hurting so much. I'm trying to hold it together here in work at the moment and it is very difficult to do. She still loves me I know that but I guess that's not enough. I had talked to her about our future plans and she knew all about this and never once said she didn't want it.
I love her and I want to show her what she means to me and I want her back, my heart is broken and I don't know if I can deal with the pain anymore.
She means more to me than anymore I have ever met or gone out with before.
The sense of loss I am feeling it horrendous I haven't eaten since Monday lunchtime and I'm not even hungry.
All that I want is her back. Put this behind us and carry on but I know I am clutching at straws when I wish for this as I am 99% sure she has made her mind up. The tears are streaming down my face as I write this.
She has asked to meet on Firday so she can talk to try to explain what has gone on or changed. I just dont have any fight left anymore. I'm broken and I don't know if I can fix myself this time. I'm crushed.
My life was so much better with her in it. And I was so so proud of being her boyfriend and to call her my girlfriend made me stand taller and puff my chest out a little and say " yeah that stunner is my girlfriend"
I can't hate her and can't stop loving her.

LegacyUser

OP. You are suffering a grief reaction to the loss of your girlfriend. It can be similar to what we feel when someone we love dies. It happens when a strong bod we had formed with someone is broken.

The pain of this breakup may take a long time to heal but the grief reaction hopefully will pass after a week or two.

Small bit of info here:

http://www.connect.legacy.com/inspire/page/show?id=1984035%3APage%3A2521

I know that I felt a bit better having realised this was a real thing and that I wasn't going mad.

magicwok

Watch the film "swingers" with vince Vaughan, that film helped me so much, I must have watched it about 8 times in one month, brilliant

FayeRayRay

as said above cut all contact do your best to keep your chin up go into work, get fit, go out with the lads have a few jars and let her see that your moving on in your life. if its meant to be it will be, maybe you will cross paths in the future or maybe you will meet someone ten times her consequence.

time is a healer and you will find keeping busy the weeks will fly by you wont know yourself.

Good luck

x

OP - If you go ahead with meeting her on Friday then do return and let us know what was said. It may help us tailor our advice a little better, who knows. The act of writing it out may also benefit you in ordering it in your head. I find often writing out a mass of thoughts structures them for me in ways that were not expected.

Remember if you do however to let her have her say. I know as she speaks you will hear item after item you want to contradict and shout "But that is not right"" or "But I can change that!". Try and resit those urges. Let her have her say, let her finish the whole lot, and then either have your say or ask can you go away and think it all over before having your say (if you want to have a say).

LegacyUser

Hi OP here again,

Thanks for that good advice taxAHcruel. I had a very bad day today and just couldn't concentrate so I went to a counsellor a lunchtime and I had a quick chat and then went again after work for an hour.
I felt a little better (not much) afterwards. I am going to meet her on Friday and I will keep you updated here. I don't know what Friday will bring but I do have alot I want to say and I am preparing myself for the worst but I am not going to just let it fizzle out I want to say my peice and try not to be a doormat and let her call the shots.
I am still devastated by all of this and I don't know which end of me is up. She means so much to me and I love you unconditionally and without expectation.
I know what I want to say to her and I hope she can hear me and give it a shot.
Thanks again everyone this is helping me alot.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here,

I didn't sleep at all last night. I am dreading tomorrow. I have gotten some texts off her and they are totally confusing me. She keeps calling me, her pet name for me, in the texts and I just don't know what to think. I don't know if she actually knows what she wants either.

I know she loves me and she told me last night that she still loves me but is afriad of hurting me. I adore her and would never ever treat her badly. I don't know if that's what's scarring her as the type of guys she has been with in the past were all the "player" types.

Is it me?
Am I too nice for her. I do wear my heart on my sleeve a little bit in relationships, but then again I don't get into relationships at the drop of a hat. I saw a very good future with us. She keeps saying she doesn't want to hurt me. And I would never hurt her ever.

I am so full of different emotions at the moment. I'm confused, heart broken, sad, angry, it's like I haven't got a say in what happens. It hurts it really does hurt and my head is melted. I'm just numb. I want tomorrow to come so quickly, yet I don't want it to come at all. In my heart I feel her mind is already made up but I am going to try everything I can to save us from breaking up.

She is the love of my life and the woman I wanted to be with for the rest of my life and I think that is some of the reason why I am so upset and hurt at the moment. To me is hasn't been just 12 months. It's been the start of the rest of my life. The pain is unbearable it really is. I tried to eat last night but I'm just so numb that all this is happening I'm finding it difficult to even look at food.

I wish it was this time last week when I was so happy and was so full of hope and joy. In less than 24hrs (Sunday evening till Monday at 5.30) she told me she loved me and the told me she doesn't see a future with me.

I want her back and it's killing me not to call her right now. I am willing to do anything at all. I'm crying again writing this it just hurts so so much.

LegacyUser

OP I get that you are hurting and trust us all it gets better! - remember that!!

Dont contact her today!! at all
At the moment you are giving out desperation signs, no one likes anyone begging, desperate, etc Sorry but thats the catch22 - i know its difficult not care but you have to try chin up, even just try

When you meet her - listen to her, listen to what she says
-keep your "desperate" begging to yourself, state calmly that you are truely shocked, you thought you had a future, its her decision so fair enough. Its an emotional rollercoaster but try to but the emotions to the side ( a very difficult thing to do but it can be done)

Thats far more dignified and you'll have self respect, then begging whinging pleading approach (which never never never works by the way)
You said too nice, but what definately wont work is being an emotional wreck pleading for her back, it will come across in the exact polar opposite to the vein hope of a positive outcome for you.

Professional Griefer

Same thing happened to me back in January, except we broke up about a week or 2 before 3 years together.

I was completely broken, beyond it. Out of no where and everything, it hurts man. Most of us here have gone through it. It'll take a while to get past this. Took me about a month or two. Since now you'll have more time don't sit around. I know you've got work but you know hang out with friends. Keep yourself busy. Things will come good again, and you'll begin to love life all over again, and as it was previously stated, you're still young enough.
You've got time ahead of you, keep your head up high, try your best to not think about her, I know its hard but just try.

I hope everything works out for you man, and I'm sure it will. In a few months you'll be flying again:)

LegacyUser

The thing is I don't want to get over it. What I want is my baby. I love her more than anyone ever before. I'm absolutely devastated. My life is 1000 times better with her in it with me. She is the reason I have my new job and was there to give me a kick up the ars3 when I needed it but I was only out of work 3 weeks before I got something else.
I love her. I really really love her and she is the only person I want to be with and see a very good future with. I don't enter into relationships easily but when I do it's with someone who gets me and who respects me.
I just feel crushed and heart broken. I don't know which end of me is up. I want to be with her so badly to hold her and to let her know how much I love her.
I know she loves me and I know she is in love with me. She has told me. I was happy this time last week. And although I know my world still has alot in it and I have alot going for me it just seems so empty. If it does go badly tomorrow (which I am 99% sure it is going to). I am finished, finished with everything I am just going to be on my own because I cannot get hurt like this again. EVER. And I am not just saying that either. I absolutely mean it.
She is my ideal woman and I am so lost and alone without her.

Canluum

OP this is going to sound a bit insensitive but get someone to throw a bucket of cold water over you and slap you in the face because you're babbling and hysterical.

Then go to your counselor and focus on getting past it whether you want it or not, you don't have a choice in the matter... so deal with it. Soon it will get better, focus on the future where it is better, visualise it, smell it, see yourself out having fun and really genuinely enjoying life without her. Again you have no choice, and it will happen so focus on that instead and stop all this hopeless repetitive pining nonsense, it's not doing you any good (and it gives me a headache reading it).

Also this dependency you are espousing, it's just... unhealthy. If I had a partner that was this dependent I would leave her for the good of both of us.

Even hypothetically if she did get back with you, for her to have done this does not set any good kind of precedent for the security of, or balance within your relationship, so it's pretty much screwed. If she gets back with you out of pity or false pretenses then she'll inevitably do this to you again and only drag out the pain... twisting the dagger.

LegacyUser

Hi Op here,

First Canluum, if you don't want to read the post don't. Second I'm not dependent on anyone. I love the woman. And I want her back. Is that so hard to understand. I'm sorry we all aren't made of stronger stuff like you are.
I know everyone has been through it. I was through it myself 5 years ago and it took me till last year to find someone I had a future with.
I will just leave the post alone now thanks everyone for all your help.
Whatever tomorrow brings I have to try to get her back.
Good bye.

mercer

best of luck with tomorrow OP. its very obvious you really want to fight for you relationship. i hope you will be able to get that point across when you talk to her. sometimes, relationships lose their way and then get back on track. i hope its just a bump in the road x

aidan24326

OP, sorry to be another to pour some cold water on you but I kinda agree with some of what Canluum said to you. You sound very intense about all of this, a bit needy almost.

Is it possible that you were coming on too strong? Were you showering her with undying love to the point it might have felt a bit suffocationg to her?

A woman wants to feel like she's special to you of course, but neediness and emotional dependency will turn them off more often than not. Not that I'm saying you're like that, I don't know you, but your posts give off those vibes to an extent.

This isn't an attempt to have a go at you, but it's important that through the fog of pain you can look at this objectively. When you do meet her, resist the urge to go OTT with telling her 500 times how much you love her and how you'd do anything for her and all of that. I'm guessing she knows that already.

Let her have her say, just listen. If you want to fight for this by all means do so, but don't go overboard, no pleading or anything like that, trust me that will only drive her away even more, or cause you to get back together for totally the wrong reasons.

Good luck with it anyway, but honestly you do need to pull yourself together a little bit before you meet her. And be very careful not to do anything silly regarding your job, you know how bad the jobs market is right now, and however bad you'll feel if things with your gf are really over, standing in a dole queue won't do much to help that's for sure.

LegacyUser

hi op

first of all good luck with the meetup, ideally it will work out and you will get back together.

in the event that it doesnt you have to steel yourself to get through this. Or just as important if you get back together it is likely that the same issues will raise their head again with her and you will return to the same place that your in now.

i believe that you do love your girlfriend unconditionally and perhaps if this is the case then you can realise that the best expression of that unconditional love is to tell her you love her, you understand that she doesnt feel the same and you wish her all the best in life.


But if this is the case then please remember that this is not her suddenly saying she doesnt love you anymore, she is simply saying that she personally does not want this relationship anymore. It is not something that you have done wrong its simply a new path in her life and as a consequence a new path in yours. Respect her decision and never turn to hating her for she has done nothing wrong to merit that.

I really feel for you, like many others who read or post here i have been in your shoes, the pain is as you say unbearable. For what its worth you can get through this even though it does not seem that way right now.

Regardless of whether you stay together or not i would encourage you to see your counsellor for a while, this feeling of pain/loss that you have is rooted in extremely low self esteem, you need to work on that, if you cannot learn to love yourself first and foremost then you can never truly forge a meaningful balanced relationship with someone else.

Work on self help issues and in the event of this not working out, take the earlier posters advice and break contact, do something physical like running, cycling or gym anything that tires you out to an extent where you just sleep.

Lastly dont cut yourself off from posting here even if some of the advice runs against what you want to hear. Remember the posters who post care enough to try and help you and in my time of need 5 years ago they helped an awful lot.


wishing you well tomorrow

j

S23

A big plus one to the above. We're all hoping for the best for you but you need to (and I'm not saying its easy) calm down a little bit. Being massively intense when you meet her is not going to do you any favours. As said, I'd take it as a given she knows how in love with her you are.

Try and keep it cool and calm. Make your point and have your say by all means but don't get repetitive with the 'I love you, I love you, I love you'.

If you feel you can work through this tough time as a couple then tell her why. However, ultimately you have to respect whatever decision she comes to.

Virgil°

Christ i think the last few posts were a bit harsh. Telling a guy to be objective and together when hes just fresh out of a loving relationship he'd rather be in is a tad unrealistic. And i don't think assuming how he is now being comparable to how he was in the relationship is realistic either. I know i felt a bit desperate and needy when i was 2 days out of my previous relationship.

Just try to calm down a wee bit OP. It feels like it now but its not the end of the world.
Now on to the bad part. I'm sorry to say OP but these sort of sudden breakups are rarely what they seem. Her feelings towards you as a potential partner have obviously diminished or vanished completely. This is something that has built up in her head over a few weeks or months probably, that apparently she never verbalised. And i have to say, from experience, i don't see things going well for you tomorrow. I hope i'm wrong, i really do but these breakups as a result of changes in feelings can't be fixed most of the time.
My advise to you is not go in tomorrow in a state,try and perk yourself up a wee bit. If you can( and i know this is going to be bloody difficult) but even go in and try and act like you've been pretty much just getting along with regular life without her. Just don't go in a sobbing mess!
Let her say her piece, tell her yours without going overboard and see where it leaves you. Either way i'd arrange for maybe a meetup with a mate or 2 tomorrow night so your not on your todd to think about it if worst comes to worst.
All the best OP.

aidan24326

Virgil° wrote: »

Christ i think the last few posts were a bit harsh. Telling a guy to be objective and together when hes just fresh out of a loving relationship he'd rather be in is a tad unrealistic.

Unrealistic or not, it's necceasry that he take a few deep breaths tomorrow evening and not go in there a babbling wreck. That's just sound advice, not being harsh at all.

...as you said yourself...

Virgil wrote:

My advise to you is not go in tomorrow in a state,try and perk yourself up a wee bit. If you can( and i know this is going to be bloody difficult) but even go in and try and act like you've been pretty much just getting along with regular life without her. Just don't go in a sobbing mess!

Hi OP – Good luck with the meeting today and I hope it goes well. There might have been a few harsh posts here but even if you do not agree with them I suggest reading them anyway.

The reason is I feel that the kind of emotional intensity you have displayed in your last few posts is exactly what I meant in my own last post. You called that good advice, for which I thank you, however I think you should read it again.

The wanting, the needing, the unwillingness to let her go, the not wanting to get over it… these are all exactly the kind of things I was urging you not to let dominate your conversation with her when you have it. It will likely do more harm than good.

Right now she needs space to move and to explain herself and if you pour onto her what you poured onto here then she will not get that I think you will end up pushing her away more than bringing her back.

In your conversation today you will want to explode in more ways than one as she talks. Both emotionally and verbally. You will want to tell her how all this feels for you and will likely as no end up babbling incoherently (it happens) or you will keep bursting out and contradicting things she says with comments like “that’s wrong” and “I can change that” or “that’s not what that meant at the time” and so on.

By all means meet her but if you think you can not curtail the obvious emotions you are feeling then either delay that meeting until you feel you can, or be mature enough during it to recognise when you can not hold yourself together any longer and ask her for a time out.

S23

That's some good advice. For the record I think only one of the posts was harsh.

I think for the most part the harshest thing anyone has said has been along the lines of what you've just said taxAHcruel. He needs to be level headed and calm when he meets her and not be as frantic as he has been in some of his posts.

Not an easy thing to do I know but if he can pull it off he'll get a lot more out of the meeting than if he is flustered and loses his handle on things.

I do hope it goes well and you at least get something out of the meeting OP. I'm sure you're nervous now but try and stay calm and best of luck

LegacyUser

Best if luck OP. Sounds a bit like my life at the moment. It's really tough not to hope for reconciliation. Hope it all goes well for you, you sound like you really love her.
I hope it goes well for you mate.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here,

Well the meeting happened today. And it's over. We were both very very upset and she has given me her reasons (which I am not going into here) she does love me and I her but it is not going to work. I am going to continue to see my counsellor because this and my low self esteem my confidence is completely shot.
I told her how I felt and she told me how she felt. We both feel the same way just different versions if you get my drift. I am in total shock at the moment.
I was so hard seeing her leave know she was so upset and not being able to comfort her and console her, even though the decision was hers. She told me she wished she felt differently but I said that she had to do what was right for her.
I told her I will always love her and she said the same to me. I am brokenhearted and it is really going to take an awful long time to heal over this.
I feel very vunerable emotionally at the moment and I am resisting contacting her because I know it will do either of us no good at all.
Once again thank you to everyone for their advice and thoughts on how to do this.
Take care.

S23

Sorry to hear that OP. I hope you got your closure.

Obviously it's a highly complicated situation if you are both in love after a year but she is precient enough to know the relationship is doomed to fail.

I hope you stay strong and get back on your feet in due course. Best of luck, stay strong and try and channel your energy into something that keeps your mind off it as much is possible

LegacyUser

@ Sparky43,
"Added to that in my case, is the realisation that in my 50s I'm unlikely to get another chance to start again.

Don't you believe it! Yes, it does get better and keeps getting better. The sun starts to shine and you start to hear the music again.

Men in their 50s can have lots of fun, and can find a new and wonderful life. They can start to travel, find new interests, make a new home, find a new partner, even have children.

@ the OP,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find peace.

OP

I am both sad and glad to read your last post. I am sad it is over for you with her, I was half holding out a hope of resolution on your behalf.

I am glad because.... relationships end and I know this... but in a lot of cases people do not get the closure you had tonight in the conversation you had together... and those that even get as far as trying do not end up getting through it as maturely and with as much control as you must have.

Canluum

Kudos for getting through that, I can't imagine how difficult it must have been... Time will eventually be an amazing healer, in the meantime try to hold onto things that are important: relationships with friends/family, job, own your own happiness.

I wish you the very best.

LegacyUser

OP here;

Well I have just spent the weekend trying to fill my time and crying my heart out, and I have to say it was the hardest weekend of my life. I am just in total shock. It's just so difficult not to contact her. I'm really trying my best here but I am so hurt. I know my world is not over and the initial shock was my world has ended but now the it's the relaisation that even though I'm after getting a good job, I am nearly finished doing up my house and have a nice redundancy cheque in the bank all that means sod all when you don't have someone to share it with.
I really do believe that she is the one for me and it looks like she is going to be the one that got away. I am in love with her and I am going to take a long long time to get over her.
I've to go back and see my counsellor tomorrow and I have a feeling that I will be seeing my counsellor for a while, because this has knocked the wind out of me and my self esteem & self confidence are completely shot.

LegacyUser

mate, i know how you feel. my girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, been living together for a year. i feel like i've been shot in the stomach or something.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here again,

@ same boat,
really sorry to hear that mate. I feel for you I do. I am still so dazed about the whole thing. Offically my gf left me on Friday after we talked about the whole thing, she told me at the start of the week. I am so confused about the whole thing. We werent living together but I am in love with her, and had such a great time planned for us over the next 5 weeks and into the future too. I'd like to fill you full of the cliches but I won't because I am experiencing the same as you. I went from speaking with her everyday for 1 year to now no contact and that is so so hard to do.
We were 1 year going out last Friday when we spoke and she broke up with me.

I am seeing a counsellor to try and help me deal with what is going on as I haven't slept properly in over a week now and I haven't been eating.
It's really strange too because I don't want to get drunk or anything like that because I'm not angry or mad or hate her. I'm just so hurt and confused about the whole thing.

I didn't see it coming, at all, and now she is gone.

I really do feel for you mate and I'm sorry you are going through what I am going through. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. My heart is broken and I am totally drained from this experience. And to top it all off her Birthday is this week.

Johnny Bitte

Lads,
It will get better. Look forward to that.

Just out of a 7 year relationship where she dumped me at the lowest point in my life.
We bought a house together last September so I have to constantly see her to sort this out.
Although talking to her once or twice helped answer some questions the less you see or think of them the better.

No texts, phone calls, facebook nothing.

Distraction is king, films, friends, sports anything but just lying there, every single god damn thing will remind you of her for the first 2 weeks, but this does go away!

Exercise, regardless of the fitness beneath you do feel better after it which can save your life some days. It doesn't have to be the gym. Just go for a jog or walk. It helps.

Friends and family, talking to them about it and hearing there advice is a great help. When you just can't think of life without her, they can give you so many reasons.

Its 2 months since it ended for me and looking back at where I was and now, I am so much happier. I still love her but it hurts so much less when the thought of her comes into my head.

Chin up brothers. Each day at a time.

PS: In regards to drinking if you do. It can be good in moderation but it can make the feelings so much worse the next day. Bare it in mind and leave the mobile with someone you trust if you can. Leaving it at home just makes sure you are as drunk as possible when you pick it up!