Great Date, bad aftermath! Advice needed..

LegacyUser

So I met someone about 2 weeks ago, was out in a pub with some friends, he approached me in the smoking area,and we got chatting. Seemed to get on really well, had a few kisses etc, then I went home with my friends. We had exhanged numbers, so were in contact pretty much from the next morning.

So thats all good, and we arrange a date, and meet up for coffee and lunch, it goes well. Initially it was tiny bit awkward, but relaxed into it fairly handy. We ended up having a fair few kisses and got on very well. To tell the truth he seemed far more into it than I was. Not that I didnt like him, but I suppose I can be a bit aloof at times..

So during all this kissing, him holding my hands, having arm around me while we went for a walk before I caught my bus, I thought that the date had gone fairly well. He seemed really keen and I thought that another date would be good to get to know each other... I go to leave, and he gives me a kiss goodbye, and we part saying 'see ya later', both of us seemed pretty much happy out.

We texted then for the rest of the evening. The next day, all seems ok. We chat about the plans I had for that night, and he seemed very muted in reply. I was thinking it was a bit of a change in mood, so asked what was the story, I was feeling like he wasnt pushed in talking to me. He replied saying that 'maybe we can be friends' and that he didnt want anything at the moment. I never gave the impression that I wanted anything major, because I really didnt... So this is all ok, I cant say I am devastated, because I am not, but I am perplexed. He seemed to be the one far more interested than me, and making all the moves. The whole date afternoon/evening went well, lasted far longer than I planned, and he seemed eager for it to continue.

Anyways for the sake of future dates, I would love to bloody well understand what went wrong... was it me?? What on earth changed over the space of 48 hours of the date that he went from being keen to just brushing me off??

Its been a week since this occured, but this weekend I kinda got to thinking about it, and I was hoping somebody in boards land could shed some light, because now I am wondering what the hell went on???

thanks in advance for any help tis much appreciated, going unreg for this

LegacyUser

perplexedbydates wrote: »

So I met someone about 2 weeks ago, was out in a pub with some friends, he approached me in the smoking area,and we got chatting. Seemed to get on really well, had a few kisses etc, then I went home with my friends. We had exhanged numbers, so were in contact pretty much from the next morning.

So thats all good, and we arrange a date, and meet up for coffee and lunch, it goes well. Initially it was tiny bit awkward, but relaxed into it fairly handy. We ended up having a fair few kisses and got on very well. To tell the truth he seemed far more into it than I was. Not that I didnt like him, but I suppose I can be a bit aloof at times..

So during all this kissing, him holding my hands, having arm around me while we went for a walk before I caught my bus, I thought that the date had gone fairly well. He seemed really keen and I thought that another date would be good to get to know each other... I go to leave, and he gives me a kiss goodbye, and we part saying 'see ya later', both of us seemed pretty much happy out.

We texted then for the rest of the evening. The next day, all seems ok. We chat about the plans I had for that night, and he seemed very muted in reply. I was thinking it was a bit of a change in mood, so asked what was the story, I was feeling like he wasnt pushed in talking to me. He replied saying that 'maybe we can be friends' and that he didnt want anything at the moment. I never gave the impression that I wanted anything major, because I really didnt... So this is all ok, I cant say I am devastated, because I am not, but I am perplexed. He seemed to be the one far more interested than me, and making all the moves. The whole date afternoon/evening went well, lasted far longer than I planned, and he seemed eager for it to continue.

Anyways for the sake of future dates, I would love to bloody well understand what went wrong... was it me?? What on earth changed over the space of 48 hours of the date that he went from being keen to just brushing me off??

Its been a week since this occured, but this weekend I kinda got to thinking about it, and I was hoping somebody in boards land could shed some light, because now I am wondering what the hell went on???

thanks in advance for any help tis much appreciated, going unreg for this

From a male point of view, i think he was after sex.

he was probally pissed when he met you and most likely had the "beer goggles" on.
then in the sober light of day he probably realised he was not as attractive to you as he thought, but he was at the date by then so decided to make the best out the suitation and see what he could get out of it.
Your playing hardball so now he's trying to distance himself because he doesn’t want to get into a relationship with you.

Sounds terrible i know but its an honest explanation

seenitall

dateexplanation wrote: »

From a male point of view, i think he was after sex.

he was probally pissed when he met you and most likely had the "beer goggles" on.
then in the sober light of day he probably realised he was not as attractive to you as he thought, but he was at the date by then so decided to make the best out the suitation and see what he could get out of it.
Your playing hardball so now he's trying to distance himself because he doesn’t want to get into a relationship with you.

Sounds terrible i know but its an honest explanation

OP, I am female, but the above post would be my exact take on it as well. He met up with you with an outlook for sex, and that would also explain his keenness and eagerness during the date itself. Probably also during the date itself, he realised that the two of you were at cross purposes by some things you may have said etc. or he simply realised that he would have to work for sex harder than he feels like doing, so then he lost interest. Sorry.

I'd move on if I were you. Best of luck in the future!

sporina

you never know what may have been going on with him. It is not only the ladies who are fickle. Unless this is a pattern for you I would write it off as a few dates,,, ye were just not right for one another.. for what ever reason..

LegacyUser

thanks all for the replies. funny thing is all I was really in mood for was sex, perhaps he should have been a bit clearer in his signals! If I thought that was what he wanted then I dont mind admitting he would have been in luck. I know it may sound a bit slutty, but I am not in the mind for a relationship, and thought perhaps this may just be a bit of fun! I have to genuinely say he came across as a nice non forceful kind of lad, on every occasion we met. Even on the first night after we spent the night drinking, he still didnt even push for sex, and I was pretty much up for it then. God I am always pretty much up for it, even if I dont always go for it!

I do agree maybe we did think we were at cross purposes at some points. Its not a typical date pattern for me Sporina, its normally pretty obvious whether men want sex. I think I probably am confused, it was just because he didnt seem to push that angle. In any case, I have already moved on! Hehe...

Cheers for all the advice. I think a hangover yesterday put my mind in overdrive... hence my posting on here over a week after the event, it hadnt bothered me until I had too much time on my hands to try figure it out