broken

LegacyUser

I broke up with my gf a few weeks ago.

By doing so I have totally destroyed her. Shes lost so much weight and looks a total wreck, shes gone mad to and even tried to kill herself (she enver told me this, a friend did)

I think it was ther right decision, but it was the hardest thing ive ever done and keep going through it over and over in my head as to whether it was the right thing to do or not.

The guilt is so awful, i miss her like crazy but ive done what ive done and theirs no going back.

How do other people deal with this? Its driving me insane and its a pain that just wont go away. And knowing that i caused it all is destroying me.

WhodahWoodah

I can give you a bit of info on her perspective as something similar happened to me a few months ago. I was dumped completely out of the blue and for no particular reason by my ex fiance after over 5 years together.

I went mental for a while there. I didn't eat for ages because I actually couldn't - I felt too ill. I still am not eating the best, but after 6 months now I'm getting better. I spent the first few weeks frantically trying to change his mind, then I turned into an anti-christ for a while, then got really depressed, but now I'm coming out of it and starting to enjoy life a bit again.

You might be wondering what this has to do with your situation, but I just wanted you to realise that she's only having a normal reaction because she cared about you and as you were the one that did it, presumably she wanted to be with you. Depending on how long you were together and how involved in one another's lives you were then she could be feeling any or all of lonely, rejected, shocked, lost, unhappy, sad etc.

In my situation, what delayed my recovery a lot was that my ex didn't really explain why he was breaking up with me. This meant I spent months torturing myself trying to work it out. You said you only broke up with your ex a few weeks ago. If your relationship was long term or serious, then that's really not very long in the land of getting over people. It takes a lot longer than that.

She sounds like she's doing it rough with the weight loss etc, but all you can do is answer her honestly and fully if she asks you any questions and other than that stay away from her and let her deal with it herself. You CAN'T help her - she's trying to get over you - this is one situation where there isn't really anything you can do to make things better. She'll get better naturally herself eventually when she's ready. It's nice that you feel bad about breaking her heart but you only did what you had to do. Just be kind to her if she does any of the mortifying things many of us do when heartbroken - if she drunk texts you or rings you or lashes out or does anything that you find annoying. Remember that eventually when she's well again she'll be embarrassed about those things, so she doesn't need to hear about it now if she does any of it. It's cr*p on everyone when a relationship ends, nobody more so than the dumpee.

LighterGuy

norkus wrote: »

....The guilt is so awful, i miss her like crazy but ive done what ive done and theirs no going back.......

I dont mean to pry, but as they say background is everything
Did you cheat on her or perhaps something else? ... You dont have to answer that if you dont want to op This is your topic

But I only ask because is it just that she is reeling from the break-up or what caused the break-up? (if you get me)

Missgoggles

WhodahWoodah wrote: »

but I just wanted you to realise that she's only having a normal reaction

Sorry but I would hardly call 'Trying to kill yourself' a normal reaction after a break up TBH, but your right in everything else. She is going through the motions and so are you OP. You will feel guilty obviously because you cared about her and noone likes to see a person they care about in that way. But you chose to end it. And you did what was right for you. Now you just have to hope that she takes better care of herself and watch from afar...dont try and comfort her or anything because that will only confuse her. Its up to her friends and family to make sure she's ok.

How to deal with these feelings? Guilty conscience wont just go away easily, but it will eventually pass. Focus on yourself and maybe try doing something that you like to do that has no association with her what so ever. Dont be so hard on yourself. You couldn't see how she would react and although you caused her heartache, it will mend and she will be ok.

WhodahWoodah

Missgoggles wrote: »

Sorry but I would hardly call 'Trying to kill yourself' a normal reaction after a break up TBH, but your right in everything else. She is going through the motions and so are you OP. You will feel guilty obviously because you cared about her and noone likes to see a person they care about in that way. But you chose to end it. And you did what was right for you. Now you just have to hope that she takes better care of herself and watch from afar...dont try and comfort her or anything because that will only confuse her. Its up to her friends and family to make sure she's ok.

How to deal with these feelings? Guilty conscience wont just go away easily, but it will eventually pass. Focus on yourself and maybe try doing something that you like to do that has no association with her what so ever. Dont be so hard on yourself. You couldn't see how she would react and although you caused her heartache, it will mend and she will be ok.

Sorry I meant the broken heart etc. I actually forgot that part of the OP!