F Buddies

Jennifurball

I have been chatting to someone I know through an old job and he has basically said he wants to see me 'strictly as **** buddies'. He promises me he is single as I was thinking he could have been married. Does this mean I am not good enough to be a girlfriend?

I won't go as far as saying I wanted to particularly get into a relationship with this man but I would at least like to maybe date him, go for drinks etc rather than just seedy late night texts. Do you think I am selling myself short if I agreed? He is good looking and we get on, aside from the sex offer, he is very complimentary about me and definately fancies me. We have kissed and flirted so far but I just wanted your advice before I take it further as I want to know I am doing the right thing.

Thanks,
Jen

Miss Fluff

Jennifurball wrote: »

he has basically said he wants to see me 'strictly as **** buddies'

You can't really get more explicit than that. He has been totally honest. He wants to see you for sex and sex only and has been upfront and told you. He doesn't want to go out with you or become your boyfriend.

If you just want to scratch an itch as it were and have regular sex with the same person, and as long as you don't harbour even one shred of hope that it will develop into something more then by all means go for it.

It all depends if you are still fragile after your break-up though (which you started numerous threads on if my memory serves me right). If you are still smarting over the hurt caused by the fall-out from your recent break-up then being in a friends-with-benefits situation may not be the right thing for you at the moment as you could still be emotionally fragile.

Jennifurball

I have toughened myself up in respect to my break up, I did quite a bit of serial dating, none of which worked out, hurt at first but it has hardened me a bit so it isn't all bad.

I just feel like there would be a lot of pressure to 'perform' so to speak if it is purely sex, at least when you are dating you can make up for the things you lack in bed in other ways.

I do fancy him and don't feel like I am wanting it to develop at the moment. He is 37, I am 28. Is it normal for a man that age to want just sex? As far as I know, he has children, not sure about marriage. Maybe he doesn't wanna get serious after his last relationship, who knows.

I told him I would think about it.

S23

I would just echo what Miss Fluff said. However, you know he has kids but aren't sure about marriage?

I think you need to be very, very, very sure about his marital status (beyond him telling you he's not) before even contemplating getting involved in this. You don't seem to know very much about this bloke at all.

As for the 'are you selling yourself short' aspect. Only you can answer that. If it feels like you are then you are. FBuddies isn't for everyone. It's not something I'd be interested in I don't think.

As for the knowing he fancies you bit. I don't think it's even slightly as flattering as it may appear to you. I can assure you there are hundreds and thousands of men who would find you attractive enough to have no strings sex with on a regular basis so it's nothing particularly flattering.

Anyway, make up your own mind on this one. Listen to what Miss Fluff said but, for me anyway, it is imperative you find out his marital/relationship status from a neutral (for wont of a better word) party before embarking on anything

Miss Fluff

Totally agree, I wouldn't even contemplate getting involved with him if he is married. Also seems to me you don't know this guy this well at all....tread carefully.

Jennifurball

Thanks.

He openly flirts with me on facebook, his friends would be able to see it. He says sexual things quite a lot too on there and doesn't seem to care who sees it.

I know you are right though, someone of that age is more likely to have a little wifey tucked up at home but how do I bring it up? He would never admit anything when he is after sex.

I only know him through my friends previously working with him, don't think they are in contact with him now to dig any dirt because this was from years ago. We have only met twice and the subject didn't come up.

It's a tough situation. I would rather sleep regularly with the same man than dating others and it not working because that makes me feel cheap. If we both agree on rules and boundaries, it could work.

S23

Your call totally but from where I am standing you seem to know next to nothing about this bloke. That wouldn't really cut the mustard for me but then again, as I said, I don't think the whole situation would be my thing. You know him only through friends who haven't even seen him in years. He's basically a stranger

I understand you not wanting to sleep around and finding the idea of doing it with one bloke workable. Could you not do it with someone you actually know rather than an almost random stranger who is stalking you on facebook and basically pestering you for sex?

Just be careful. I'm no expert on the FBuddy thing but you know so little about this lad, and he's so brazen in openly chasing a stranger for sex, that it feels like you might be putting your hand out to be slapped if you get involved.

G-Money

It sort of sounds like you are trying to convince yourself this is a good idea OP and dismissing any and all warning signs. I'm also not sure you really are ok with just being a f*** buddy with this guy. He's blatantly told you he's not interested in you outside the bedroom but I get the feeling that part of you thinks or hopes that he might change his mind once he's spent some time with you.

Forget about us, you have to be honest with yourself here as most likely you will be the one who ends up hurt if it doesn't work out. He could have a wife, he might not, it's impossible for us to know. Although I find it unlikely that he would be that age, with children, but no wife/gf/female on the scene? Not impossible but I'd be very skeptical.

If you decide to go ahead with it, you need to have no hopes at all of it going somewhere as he has basically told you it never will. He doesn't want you as a girlfriend or partner and he's not interested in you that way, he's just interested in what's underneath your clothes and between your legs. Sorry to be crude, but I think you perhaps are not seeing things clearly here. That's all he's interested in and to be fair, he has told you that up front rather than lead you along saying he wants more when he doesn't. So you can't really blame him if further down the line you want more and he doesn't.

All the best OP.

Jennifurball

You're right, I AM trying to convince myself it is the right thing to do. I will end up hurt, I know it. When we met up the other day, I thought he was lovely and I fancied him a lot, he was being so sweet then last night he was texting me I gave him a massive hard on when we were sat together . Just don't want to be seen like that, I want someone who wants me in every way, I am worth much more than what's in my pants.

Sooooo...if I am honest, after how I was feeling in his company and how nice he was treating me, maybe I am looking for more.

The marriage things is definately stuck in the back of my mind. He has never once mentioned divorce or anything like that.

S23

Right after reading that I think you should knock it on the head.

First off any ego boost you get from him finding you attractive is fine. It's nice to be found desirable. However, as I said before, there are plenty of people out there that will lust after/desire/find you sexually attractive.

This lad has been absolutely straight forward in just wanting sex. Any sweet talk is just to get you into the sack. You said yourself it was sweetness and light then next thing he's talking about his erection.

You will find someone in time who gives you all that you want. Someone who wants to f*ck your brains out and thinks you're gorgeous but also wants to spend time with you and do all the other stuff people want from a relationship.

If you have an itch you want to scratch (and I'm not suggesting you sleep around or anything like that) then I suggest you do it with someone else apart from this lad. I think anything with this guy ends badly for you. Just a gut feeling but there you go

metrovelvet

Ask for ID.

Ask what his wife would think about this.

Jennifurball

No I don't think the itch is enough to put my feelings at risk. If he doesn't think I am good enough for a relationship from the outset then what is the point? Not that I really WANT a relationship right now but being considered worthy for one is better than this.

Thanks for the advice, I do feel better for getting it out on here.

calibelle

Hi op just wanted to add my 2 cents!! I've been where you and managed to convince myself that sex was all I wanted too.....but I was secretly hoping over time he would change his mind and see me as a potential gf....he didn't!!! Also just because you are only having sex with him doesn't mean he isn't sleeping with other people too- would you be ok with that?
If it's not exactly what you want say no and don't entertain the dirty texting.....maybe he will re assess the situation!

Jennifurball

Thank you. Yes, that has crossed my mind, if he is openly looking for casual sex then that screams that he is hardly going to be 'faithful'. I am better than that.

LegacyUser

Hi OP
Dont do it! i was in this situation with a guy i work with it went on for 2 years! On reflection i can see how silly i was but really connected with this guy, i loved him actually.
he didnt put it as candidly as your 'friend' but a f'**k buddy is all i was to him and i was left a broken woman at the end of it- used, abused etc.
Jesus even tyoing this out helps maybe i should have started my own thread and not muscle in on tours ha!
Anyways my advice is to stay clear from the whole situation! Not worth the heart ache or the head fcuk! Already your asking 'am i not good enough to be his GF...' what will it be like months down the line.

Jennifurball

You are right. Better leave it. I asked him why he said strickly FB's and he said cos he is coming out of a relationship and doesn't want another. Coming out of one...so he has met me twice and kissed me whilst with someone else. Not good.

I am too old for the FB thing, I need to be looking at settling with someone who loves me.

metrovelvet

Jennifurball wrote: »

You are right. Better leave it. I asked him why he said strickly FB's and he said cos he is coming out of a relationship and doesn't want another. Coming out of one...so he has met me twice and kissed me whilst with someone else. Not good.

I am too old for the FB thing, I need to be looking at settling with someone who loves me.

I said this on the last war and peace length thread you started. You need to stop looking to other people to make decisions for you. Stop looking to men and strangers on the internet for approval. You are too dependant on other people's opinions.

Elle Collins

He's just looking for his hole Jennifurball. In fairness to him at least he's honest, but I think you should leave him to get that from someone who's happy to be treated like an irrelevance in his life.

Cheeky_gal

My God Jenniferball don't do it! After your huge thread on here a few months back I'd say this is the last type of relationship you need to get yourself into! It will only hurt you, seriously. I think it will leave you very hurt in the long run and it'll take many months/years to help you recover from it and for what? a few months of casual sex with a bloke that sounds like a womaniser? Plus if you honestly think he's only going to sleep with you pfffft BS, STI central!

Jennifurball

I know, I need to get it out of my head now. I am sick of feeling like I need someone. Why should I lower myself? I have too much to offer to be treated like a cheap piece of meat. It will just make him think I am a sad cow, he obviously has no respect for me to even consider me as a **** buddy, it would be even worse if I actually started jumping at his every booty call.

Fair play to him though like you say, he is being honest about it.

Sardonicat

Jennifurball wrote: »

I know, I need to get it out of my head now. I am sick of feeling like I need someone. Why should I lower myself? I have too much to offer to be treated like a cheap piece of meat. It will just make him think I am a sad cow, he obviously has no respect for me to even consider me as a **** buddy, it would be even worse if I actually started jumping at his every booty call.

Fair play to him though like you say, he is being honest about it.

That a girl, Jenn! You make sure you hang on to those thoughts.

Now you can be honest with him and remind him that you don't consider yourself a piece of meat and you don't have any truck with those that do. Adios Amigo!