Initiating sex

LegacyUser

I had a conversation with my boyfriend this morning about our dimishing sex life. He said that he'd stopped intitiang sex because I never initiated it, and he was tired of doing all the running. I was amazed because every time I thought I was initiating he didn't seem interested at all.

I'm not the type of person to jump on him or grab his bits, so I stoke his thigh, his chest, stuff like that.

Is it just a case of me not being forward enough and him missing my signals? Any tips on being more obvious without stripping to my undies and launching myself at him?

Sleepy

He's a man. We don't get hints.

Be more obvious. My o/h will sometimes wait for me to leave the room to get a drink or something and by the time I'm back she's naked on the couch. That's the kind of hint we need

Contessa Raven

Why don't you approach him when he's relaxing in front of the t.v. and sit down beside him, lean in real close and whisper in his ear what you want to do to him. That usually works.

If that fails, straddle him, undo your buttons on your top and start kissing him. He should start paying attention pretty quickly after that!

finbarrk

Or else ask him straight out. Wanna have a bit of fun? Or something like that.

LegacyUser

I was in a situation similar to this earlier this year. I was with a girl but anytime anything happened it always seemed to be me initiating it. I started to wonder if I was annoying her as it was always me starting things off and I guess to be honest, part of me was a bit annoyed that it was ALWAYS me doing it.

I have to admit I hate this "duuuuuuuu, we're men, we're stupid, we can't see signs, duuuuuuuuuuuuuu" theory that is put forth both by men and women. The truth is that we can't see something that is invisible or doesn't exist! There's no point doing some ridiculous insignificant microscopic gesture and wondering why he doesn't notice.

Put it this way. When the guy makes a move on you, how do you know it? I'm guessing it's pretty obvious. So just do something equally obvious back.

To me, a girl touching my leg once or something might suggest she's flirting but not enough to suggest she wants a role in the hay.

Not meaning to have a go at you OP or anything. It's just a bit frustrating sometimes when women complain that guys don't notice that they are interested and the reason is because they're simply not making it obvious enough. It's not a case of some deficiency or inability on the part of the guy to notice the signs. That's just a catchy popular myth that is bandied around the place.

Like others have said, make it obvious, start taking your clothes off or his, or start groping him up properly and he will get the hint.

calibelle

Just be a bit more obvious he's not seeing the little signs your giving so bigger and bolder!
Go to the bedroom get undressed or put on something sexy and call him!
Send him a text during the day saying can't wait to get you home....
Or as another poster said just ask him does he fancy it!

Good luck

LegacyUser

I'm in a similar situation. I was tired the other night and said I wasn't in the mood, then my bf said "right well I won't initiate sex anymore...I'd say we'll be waiiting a while though". I asked him what he meant and he said I never initiate sex. I thought I'd did...perhaps subtly.. But he says he always fells like he's pestering me for sex, cos he does all the work in initiating it. I think in my mind I don't want to be overly keen...incase of rejection? I'd feel vunerable stripping off or talking dirty

dibi

i just posted in another forum when i should've in this one! i've the exact problem at the minute..currently getting the silent treatment from my boyfriend cause i told him last night that i had a problem with the fact that he only ever wants to have sex when it suits him..i seems to be gagging for it these days and i'm gettin nothing cause he's "too tired" etc...i'm so frustrated i could scream. not sure if its me with the problem or him. is it possible to want sex too much? more than a man even?

but i did find out last night that me touching his bits in bed didnt make it clear to him that i wanted to have sex....
sometimes i think we are on completely different worlds

Canluum

too suble wrote: »

I was amazed because every time I thought I was initiating he didn't seem interested at all.

I'm not the type of person to jump on him or grab his bits, so I stoke his thigh, his chest, stuff like that.

If you're anything like my ex your idea of initiating was to show that you are open to having sex... be flirty... (thigh rubbing etc) but then for some reason expect the man to take over, and stop if he doesn't.

What you're interpreting as him not being interested is likely just he's not too much in the mood. Doesn't mean he won't *get* in the mood... but a bit of chest rubbing isn't going to cut it. He's like I was, utterly tired of doing all the bloody initiating. You don't need to hop on him or grab his genitals... but you definitely need to work up to touching them at the very least. Slowly unbutton his shirt etc. If he's really genuinely not interested he'll make excuses.

Jebus just talk about it too... he might say "Sometimes I really like it when you take complete control" or something. If you can have sex but are too embarrassed to talk about it (as seems to be the case) then maybe you shouldn't be having sex. All this withholding and second-guessing their thoughts is such immature nonsense.

Be good... giving and game. Don't be worried about whether he'll reciprocate for now (unless he just isn't). When he sees you being so great he'll hopefully reciprocate. Sex is not a good time to selfish. Introduce him to Dan Savage's blog/podcast/wiki page and the GGG philosophy.

helimachoptor

Sleepy wrote: »

He's a man. We don't get hints.

Be more obvious. My o/h will sometimes wait for me to leave the room to get a drink or something and by the time I'm back she's naked on the couch. That's the kind of hint we need

Couldnt agree more tbh, a peck on the cheek to us is a peck on the cheek it doesnt mean we're onto a sure thing!

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks for all the replies folks. I've been trying to make more of an effort and so far it seems to be working, the atmosphere in the house has definitely changed for the better, and OH seems happier.

It's good to know that I'm not the only one who's maybe got a bit lazy in the bedroom, but it's much too easy a thing to fix to risk my relationship over.

Thanks again.

fungun

Problem with rubbing his leg or being subtle is that men all well aware that women say "sometimes I just want a cuddle" so sometimes Id be thinking thats just what she wants....so just have something thats clearly interpretable between wanting a cuddle and wanting a shag!