Social discussion or just plain offensive??

Brendog

I was walking home from the pub tonight with a fellow Boardsie.

He ask me how my parents were getting on (They separated and have recently gotten back together)
Anyway he brought up the fact that few of our friends parents have stayed together. One of them being a guy who has a sister with Down Syndrome.
He said this guys parents must find it easier to be together due to the fact they have a daughter with Down Syndrome.

I told him to shut up as I found this offensive. He said its probably true and that I was being stupid for thinking it was morally wrong.

I just want to know...Would you find this offensive?

Jesus Wept

Interesting one, which boardsie was it?

I wouldn't find it offensive and it is a possibility.
But without knowing the ins and outs of their relationship, couldn't say whether it is accurate or not.

Brendog

The-Rigger wrote: »

Interesting one, which boardsie was it?

I wouldn't find it offensive and it is a possibility.
But without knowing the ins and outs of their relationship, couldn't say whether it is accurate or not.

He was basically insinuating that everyone with a handicapped child, no matter what problems they have, only stays together because of the child. Its quite offensive considering the position it puts the child in.

Dunno if I should tell who the Boardsie is at this moment.... Privacy and all that

Shryke

I wouldn't find it offensive, just a really stupid way to look at something as complex as family or relationships. Sounds like your mate was just saying what came to mind and you took a bit too much offence because someone with Downs was mentioned to be honest.

Jesus Wept

No, I was joking about saying who it was.

Well the way you tell it, he said "this guy's", as opposed to all parents of children with disabilities. I guess the two of you know better if he meant all.

That would be a bit sweeping.
That said, if we had the statistics for how often parents of disabled children stay together/split/etc, it would show whether there is any merit in what he said.

Personally, it wouldn't offend me.

Shryke wrote: »

I wouldn't find it offensive, just a really stupid way to look at something as complex as family or relationships. Sounds like your mate was just saying what came to mind and you took a bit too much offence because someone with Downs was mentioned to be honest.

Tend to agree. Similar occurrences around these parts all too often.
Many people like to find offense when there is none there.

evercloserunion

Only a matter of time before the whole idea of "PC" is mentioned... "OP, it's not offensive at all, you are just being PC" etc.

Of course, you can pretty much say what you want and avoid any kind of societal standard by playing the PC card.

If someone implies that parents of disabled children only stay together because they have disabled children (even if they do not belong together, as if the child was an extra burden that prevented them from living their "true" lives) then let them adduce sound evidence that these people are not happy and would have split were it not for the disability of the child. Where they cannot adduce such evidence, they are talking shyte pure and simple, and deserve no more attention than the next troll (because that is what they are).

Rojiblancos

Brendog wrote: »

I was walking home from the pub

That says it all

Jesus Wept

evercloserunion wrote: »

Of course, you can pretty much say what you want and avoid any kind of societal standard by playing the PC card.

No, you can't.

evercloserunion wrote: »

If someone implies that parents of disabled children only stay together

He didn't imply only, he said 'easier'.

evercloserunion wrote: »

because they have disabled children (even if they do not belong together, as if the child was an extra burden that prevented them from living their "true" lives) then let them adduce sound evidence that these people are not happy and would have split were it not for the disability of the child. Where they cannot adduce such evidence, they are talking shyte pure and simple, and deserve no more attention than the next troll (because that is what they are).

That's quite a tangent considering all he said was....

Brendog wrote: »

He said this guys parents must find it easier to be together due to the fact they have a daughter with Down Syndrome.

In fact, one could take it in a positive light. That having a child with Down syndrome unifies and brings together a couple in their common cause to give the child the best life and opportunities possible.

You choose to get auto offended, uh oh...

Down syndrome mentioned, requires thought

---

> meh get offended.


Anyhow, to say they find it easier to stay together, I would imagine raising a down syndrome child to be quite challenging at times which could impact on a relationship.

To suggest that more parents of down syndrome stay married than those without down syndrome, well it's plausible to me. Wonder are there any studies?

Another angle, I've sometimes wondered do the relationships of parents who suffer a loss of a child break down more often than those who do not?

Again... no need to get offended.

..........

Just did a bit of googling, in answer to my wondering, despite reports to the contrary many years ago, it would appear that more recent reports suggest the death of a child does not increase the divorce rate amongst said parents.


It's ok to be curious, it's ok to wonder about things, the guy would have been better imo to not stated it so definitively.

I guess it's important to figure out which friends you can have conversations with that aren't just about football and x-factor and those which you can't.

Brendog

Like I said to him....

"Dude, its Saturday morning, I just wanna walk home with a few beers in me and talk about tits. Is that so much to ask?"






It clearly was

scientific1982

Having kids with disabilities actually tends to have the opposite effect on couples. It can put a huge strain on relationships.

Overheal

Offensive to many. Just a very pragmatic comment to make (if misinformed). Though I'm often guilty of the same logic myself.

littlefriend

Maybe he meant that they are united by the situation they are in? Like when something happens in a family to strip away bull**** then it can bring you closer. My brother died years ago and my family are so much tighter since then. We live very close to each other for example, before he died that would never have even been considered.
When a family goes through a big upheaval it can kind of focus you on the things that actually matter rather than me, me, me. Maybe you friend meant that instead of just thinking about themselves the parents of this child are looking at the bigger picture and that has brought them closer.