Could an anniversary create enough Trauma for self harm?

The Snipe

Hey Guys & Gals,

Would an anniversary of a Death of someone close to someone (A Mother) coming soon, with built up stress and grief for blaming themselves be enough to cause someone to self harm, As a way to prevent themselves from committing suicide?

But also, would this be effective against suicide or would it lead to more suicidal tendencies?

(No its not about me, Its about someone close, who is going through this - who is seeking medical help, but I'm just looking for a bit more reassurance).

p.pete

moved from psychology

Konata

Well, grief can be a massive trigger for any emotional response, particularly negative ones. If the person blames themselves and feels guilty about it then yes, there is even more chance of them doing something self destructive to try and realise this pain. Has this person ever self harmed before? If they haven't, there's only a slight chance they may try it. However, if they have in the past then they need extra help at this difficult time - counselling, a friend to talk to, a watchful eye... make sure they do things they enjoy, keep them busy. Moping around will not help their feelings.

You suggest self harm could be used as a way to prevent someone killing themselves? I'm not so sure about that. I'm a recovering self harmer myself but I never would have used it instead of suicide. If someone wants to commit suicide, they're going to try and do that. Self harming is very different to slitting your wrists - people who self harm still want to be alive, even if it's a very hidden feeling that even they may not be aware of. They want to live but life and all the pain it brings is too much for them to deal with so they look for a way to let it all out, to make it go away, to provide some relief no matter how temporary.

That's where self harm comes in. It can be used for a distraction and momentary relief from the pain that I have mentioned or, as a punishment. If you feel guilty enough about something, you begin to believe that you are a bad person, that you deserve to be punished. Self harm is a way of doing so.

So no, I don't believe that self harm is an effective way to prevent suicide. It just doesn't work like that. Does it lead to suicidal tendencies? Chances are, after long term use, it will. Self harm does not heal the pain, nor does it provide any long term relief. Instead the hurt just builds up, coupled with the guilt of harming yourself and the fear of letting anyone else find out. It's a vicious cycle and harder to break the longer a person is at it.

You should look after this person at this time by letting them know that you are here for them to talk to, anytime. That you care for them and know that this is a hard time. Let them know that it's not their fault their mother is dead, that they don't have to blame themselves and that it's okay to feel sad in this situation. As I suggested before, keep them occupied with activities they enjoy. If they are prone to self harming the less time they spend alone the better. If they're seeking medical help then that's about all you can do - leave the rest up to the professionals

spinandscribble

i don't understand. Are you questioning whether self harm is a way to stop someone from committing suicide? As if releases the urge in a "safe" way?

The answers no. Its a slippery slope and often a stepping stone to suicide. In my experience its a big fat red warning sign.

Don't recommend self harm or knowingly allow it or encourage it.

If you're afraid someone will do something unsafe, keep close to them on the day and be there for them. If you've afraid you won't be able to cope alone with this person try and get another friend to help.

*edit* iIm not suggesting all self harmers want to die but it is still a stepping stone to allowing yourself to come into danger and if let continue and fester could grow into suicidal tendency.

LegacyUser

OP, it sounds like someone you know is a self-harmer, and the anniversary of their mother's death is upscoming. So, the questioin you're asking is; would this anniversary cause someone to self-harm?

I'm afraid there is no one answer. You seem to be afraid that your friend may commit suicide and are hoping that if they self-harm this may mean that they will will be getting some of their anguish out of their system but, unfortunately, no-one can answer what your friend may do or how they feel.

Is this the first anniversary of their mothers' death? If so, there is a heightened concern, however, if their mother died years before they may have already developed a coping mechanism. The best thing you can do as a friend is let them know that you are there for them, no matter what. I have a history of self-harming and my boyfriend let me know in no uncertain terms that he would not stand for it. Unfortunately, as much as I loved him, this alone could not make me stop. All it did was force me to hide it from him as best I could and panic that he would find out. Which is why I find ultimatums don't work, because they don't address the reason for self-harming.