Why Do I Want To Cheat?

Johnny Derpp

I've been seeing my mot for a few months now and we are for all intensive purposes happy together.
We get on great, laugh joke together etc...
Ofcourse we row etc... never over anything serious though.

The problem is that when we are apart, I don't want to be with her.
I just want to be single so I can go out and tap everything I see.

Then when we are together, I'm quite contempt being with her.

So I'm happy to hold her hand and do all the couply stuff, but I just can't stop looking at, and thinking about being with other women.

I've exercised restraint and know I shouldn't do it, and if I ever succomb, I should break up with her first...but I just don't know what to do because I reckon if I do that I'll just want her back.

Has anybody been in this situation before?

Wibbs

Johnny Derpp wrote: »

Then when we are together, I'm quite contempt being with her.

Maybe you are indeed..

It sounds like a cake and eat it scenario IMHO and the out of sight out of mind thing going on too. TBH it just sounds like you're not really that pushed on her. Yea you like her and when she's around you get the boyfriend feelings and all that, but that's because she's around, not because you have the boyfriend feelings for real. I dunno kinda like you're not hungry at all, but someone puts a lovely juicy steak in front of you. It triggers the hunger, even if you don't want or need to eat, if you know what I mean?

I'd say maybe back off from her as she deserves more than that. I mean if you were in her position you'd feel the same.

Johnny Derpp

The other women are the steak or the gf is the steak?

So it's not like a grass is greener on the other side situation...rather, I want all the grass?

I owuld back off but like I said, I might just want her right back then...

IrishEyes19

Johnny Derpp wrote: »

The other women are the steak or the gf is the steak?

So it's not like a grass is greener on the other side situation...rather, I want all the grass?

I owuld back off but like I said, I might just want her right back then...

that just sounds kind of selfish though to be honest. You sound like you want the security of a relationship to have someone to go to, but you want all the benefits of being single and playing the field. You cant have both

LighterGuy

Johnny Derpp wrote: »

Has anybody been in this situation before?

Yes. Millions upon millions of people op. This happens all the time. Just alot of people wont be honest.

Why do you think certain people cheat? or more commonly relationships just end out of no-where? If you scratch the surface you'll see what people were really thinking/feeling. Perfect example is the lines "I just want to be single" (aka, I want to sleep with other people etc etc) So yes alot have been in your situation. Your just talking about it on a public forum.

Basically you want your cake and to eat it (I aint judging you now) So something is going to give. My two cents would be you are at high likelihood to cheat. And I think you actually will. Weather by doing so will satisfy your need to be with others, or will open your eyes to end things is anyones guess.

Johnny Derpp

lighter guy wrote:

Yes. Millions upon millions of people op. This happens all the time. Just alot of people wont be honest.

Why do you think certain people cheat? or more commonly relationships just end out of no-where? If you scratch the surface you'll see what people were really thinking/feeling. Perfect example is the lines "I just want to be single" (aka, I want to sleep with other people etc etc) So yes alot have been in your situation. Your just talking about it on a public forum.

Basically you want your cake and to eat it (I aint judging you now) So something is going to give. My two cents would be you are at high likelihood to cheat. And I think you actually will. Weather by doing so will satisfy your need to be with others, or will open your eyes to end things is anyones guess.

Yeah I get what you're saying, you're probably bang on the money.

But it just doesn't feel that black and white for me.
I know it's wrong like, I don't want to hurt her.

But I'm trying to figure out why I have abstained. I figure if I wanted to **** around that bad, I would have bolted long ago....and not given a ****.

finbarrk

Ah Johnny, I'd say you aren't ready for a serious relationship just yet. Nothing wrong with that either. Just don't get her pregnant. When you get older you will settle down. This wouldn't be uncommon. Happens to loads of lads. Most get away with it.

LighterGuy

Its your conscience.
Its a powerful thing. Why do you think alot of people cheat when they are drunk? because soberly that conscience would come into play but when drunk its dulled out.

All I know is when conscience goes up against a persons desires (what they want) ... desire always wins in the end. I've seen it happen so many times.

beks101

It's simple but cliched, you're just not that into her.

I've felt this way before with a guy I was dating, enjoyed his company and the affection and all that goes with it, but it literally was a case of out of sight, out of mind. I realised soon enough what was going on and it was just not fair to him, it's selfish and no-one deserves to be 'settled for'.

You also sound quite young OP ('mot'...:rolleyes:), maybe it's a case that you're not in relationship mode and need to play the field for a while, nothing at all wrong with that. Whatever the case is, don't cheat on the poor girl, it's a sh1tty thing to do to someone and deal with this now before it goes any further.

Kimia

To be honest OP, everyone comes up against something like this in every relationship. You come to a point where temptation arises and you have to make a decision whether you're into the person you're with enough to just be with them. Everyone has the opportunity to cheat, I'm sure even your girlfriend has the same thoughts!

The difference is most people decide to either stay with their gf/bf because a) they really like them and b) they feel cheating is selfish and unfair to the other person, or they break up with their bf/gf and move on.

It's fairly easy tbh. You don't get to decide that you can have both. If you do, you're taking away the chance for your girlfriend to be with someone who really wants to be with her (and not cheat). You don't get to hold all the cards, and if you try, you're a cheat, simple as.

A lot of people are in relationships with others not because they really love that person, but because they want to be in a relationship or feel that being in a relationship is the done thing so they have to do it.

It sounds like you may be one of these people. You desire certain aspects of what being in a relationship actually means and so you string this girl along because you get those things from her. It is not her you want but the things being with her gives you.

Relationships are things people rush into but they are things we should really only need when a certain level of maturity is reached. I do not know what age you are but you are still at a level where language like “mot” and “Tap” seem ok to you so I conclude maybe you are not really at relationship maturity level yet.

My advice therefore is to ask yourself why you think you need to be in a relationship at all at this time. To me it simply sounds like you are not ready for one yet.

LegacyUser

Johnny Derpp wrote: »

The other women are the steak or the gf is the steak?

First of all OP, figure out if you actually like steak. The way you're talking about grass makes me think you're not a steak kind of man.

Johnny Derpp

Deleted User wrote: »

I do not know what age you are but you are still at a level where language like “mot” and “Tap” seem ok to you so I conclude maybe you are not really at relationship maturity level yet.

Ok...so do people just reach a certain age and find this stuff goes away!?

Well, for better or for worse I've decided to go ahead with it becasue I do like her, even if I don't love her.

If temptation is a constant throughout life then I guess I shouldn't feel guilty for well, feeling it.
I'll save my guilt for if I fail to abstain.

hightower1

I think people are reading a little too much into this from "your not that into her side"... tbh your a man, we want to look at and be with the vast majority of women we see. Its just genetics, social development has over taken our genetic development and now we feel guilty for wanting multipal partners. Some guys arent like that and I envy them for it.

I understand what yor feeling cause every man does to one degree or another, personlly I feel like that quite a bit and in the begining of a relationship you start to wonder "Is it I just cant interpret the emotions I am feeling or NOT feeling" as it may be but looking back I have always felt that I am tempted no matter who I was with. Its just a high drive and thats all I would imagine, it will always be there (for the immediate future). How I delt with it was thinking "ok and if I gave into temptation and finsihed the relationship to try other things would my life be better?" , nope, I have it great as is and it is a case of you'd regret it very quickly after giving into temptation.

ClutchIt

If you "don't love her" as you said above you should probably think about breaking up because it will surely happen down the line. UNLESS you're only saying you don't love her cause of all the temptations are driving you mad and you don't believe this should be the case. Every man is always tempted by the 'grass is greener' feeling sometimes.

Also just to put you straight on two more things you didn't ask for! :

The saying is "for all intents and puposes" not "for all intensive purposes"

And you feel "content" when you are with her not "contempt". Contempt being nearly the opposite of content!

Johnny Derpp

Johnny Derpp wrote: »

Ok...so do people just reach a certain age and find this stuff goes away!?

It never 100% goes away. We are human and we are open to temptation. However it is worse for some people than others. If you are in a relationship because you love being in a relationship rather than actually loving the person you are in one with… then it is likely to be worse for you then the average person.

If you are in a relationship with someone you like rather than love then again it is likely to be worse for you than average.

To me it sounds like you are both! So I would imagine it is even more of an issue for you than the average.

whatsamsn

taxAHcruel is spot on.

Thats why in life its all about meeting that special someone who we are madly into you and vice versa.

Johnny Derpp

Hang on, two peeps have said that if I don't love her outright, I should break up with her? :???:

Surely not everyone falls in love as soon as they meet?

No not everyone, but what many do is recognise the potential and commit to the relationship to see where it goes. It sounds to me like you want the best of both worlds however and you are with her for the sake of it, but do not really see it going anywhere.

There is a difference between being together and exploring where it goes and being together and thinking “ah sure some feelings might develop who knows”. The greater the desire you have to be with other girls the greater the likelyhood you are the latter of those two things.

68508224

Johnny Derpp wrote: »

intensive purposes

hahaha

Silverfish

68508224 wrote: »

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hahaha

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Exclamation Marc

It sounds like you want the relationship when it suits, and then the single life when it suits and being honest with you, if you want any sort of credible relationship you can't act like that.

Relationships in my view should offer the security and comfort that you don't want anyone else, so if you find yourself being so easily tempted and actually worried about cheating, then realistically the relationship isnt for you.

If there's any part of you that "doesn't want to be with her" then you just should simply not be together, because what you have is a relationship of convenience. And as others said, if you really like the girl you'll want whats best for her and a boyfriend with a seriously wandering eye is not that.