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No clue how to break up With Girlfriend

  • 18-11-2010 2:22am
    #1
    madmac187
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 675 ✭✭✭


    I have been in a enough relationships now to know that I should know how to break up with someone. Anyway I'm seeing a woman, shes 27 and Im 23. I met her on a dating site and been seeing her for the last 3 months. I know dating site, cringe worthy. Anyway, I know shes crazy about me, well I think that anyway.

    We are at a crossroads, I think anyway because of seeing each other timewise and that. I don't know what to do. We get along, she puts up with me, she makes me happy and I her. She is lovely and really nice. But I don't have a physical attraction to her. We have sex but it doesn't feel intimate. There doesn't seem to be any attraction from my point of view. I don't really know what to do. There doesn't seem to be any click between us, for lack of a better word.

    An ex has come back and started talking to me, someone that I really was attracted to and it feels like what a relationship should be. This has made me question things even more. I don't care about her, like I do the girl I'm seeing but I'm not attracted to the woman I'm seeing. What should I do?

    We never talked about relationship or stuff like that and I have met other women when out but never acted on anything seriously. All of this has me wondering what to do, I don't want to hurt her but I want to be happy and at the minute I'm kinda not happy alot. I know I explained this dreadfully but anyway, can someone help me please?


Comments

  • #2
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,361 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    madmac187 wrote: »
    I don't want to hurt her

    There is no way of avoiding that.
    No point in wasting anymore of her time and the longer you leave it, the worse it will be.
    Just tell her out straight that it's not working out. That you do not see a future together.
    Don't drag it out.


  • #3
    tbh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    madmac187 wrote: »
    I know I explained this dreadfully but anyway, can someone help me please?

    Sit her down in a neutral place, take a deep breath and tell her that you think it's best if you stop seeing her. Tell her the relationship isn't where you'd like it to be, that you do like her and hoped it would work out, but it just isn't. Listen to what she says, she may be shocked, or she may be not all that bothered. Don't apologise too much - and don't let your resolve crumble. IF she is upset and starts crying or whatever, stay with her for a bit, but DO NOT change your mind.
    Then wish her all the best and leave.

    You may feel resentful at having to do this, because no-one likes to do things that makes them feel like crap, but remember - this isn't her fault. Don't take it out on her.

    For a bit, you'll feel like a dick, but you'll be so relieved after you sleep on it.


  • #4
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    OP – The best thing is to just come clean and be honest. She is an adult too. As adults when we get into a relationship we do so on the knowledge that it might not work out. The risk is ours to take, no one elses.

    In other words, do not think of it as you hurting her… she like any of us openly take that risk when we get into a relationship. It is in the small print of the unwritten contract that is relationships.

    If a relationship simply is not working out then you are not hurting her or doing anything wrong by ending it. It is the right thing to do.

    You are however doing something wrong if you drag it out for the sake of it. Each day is one more day she has invested in good faith in a relationship that she does not know is going nowhere. Each day is also a stolen day from her getting on with her life without you.

    She is an adult and we need to respect that, so treat her like one and tell her the truth.


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