Making ones 'move'.

LegacyUser

Hey everyone,

Just to begin, great forum ! Received some great advice a few months ago when I made a thread about my concerns about making friends in college in the future due to lack of friends back in school, certain social awkwardness etc. I'm glad to say that everything has worked out great and I have met some brilliant people in college, some great friends (both sexes) and really I find it much easier to make friends now then I did in the past. Whether the forum has helped or not, maybe subconsciously, thanks

Anyway, now onto my new problem. To be fair, this was always a problem, but its a pretty annoying one in college. To be put simply, my problem is that I find it very difficult to 'get' with girls or get intimate with them. The real problem is that I find myself just holding myself back because of fear.

For example, even if I am tipsy, i could not approach women in clubs or approach and make any 'moves' on the dancefloor, things like that. I have had the opportunity to make a 'move' already a few times, for example, after a night out just watching TV on the couch in a friends house, just me and her on the couch, no one else around. Now, in my mind, that is a clear opportunity to like make a 'move', but I couldn't. In the simplest sense even, i wouldn't be able to put my arm around her or anything just due to the fear of how she would react. (I had been texting her a lot recently, so it wasn't just some random girl that I decided 'spur of the moment' thing.)

I don't have that much experience with women at all, basically due to not being around girls that much during my early teens. I see other guys (In the same year) that, to me, seem to possess a nice level of confidence and apparent experience with women. Now i'm not jealous or anything, it is what it is, that's all. I feel that my problem is that i'm playing a game of catch-up with the whole experience thing and naturally, with experience comes confidence.

I do have hope though. I thought before it was a problem with me physically as a person, but now I really don't think it is, i think the certain lack of confidence/courage has a much bigger effect than once physical presence. Throughout my many nights out, experiences etc in college, i have seen that most guys are just really good with moving in on women. Nothing sleazy or anything like that, but just simple stuff like sitting right beside them, putting their arms around them etc. Simply things really, but I suppose it clearly shows them that you are interested.

Now I don't have any desire to become a 'player' or anything like that, never liked that way of going about things, just seems very sleazy and strategic. I would just like the confidence or courage in myself that when I find a girl that I like, that i'm not going to be too fearful in any way to make a 'move' when the times come.

Just looking for some feedback on this, different views etc. Personally, i believe that I have to just 'break' the fear and go for it, once I do it once it will be slightly easier from then on. I don't believe there's any way to 'fast track' confidence or anything like that either, i think that will just take time and new experiences to build it. I have gained a lot of confidence with people since I came to college already and I feel this is just one area I need to sort out.

Thanks.

DangerMouse27

Wow that was so well articulated and thoughtfull that it seems not just an issue your ok with in your head but your not as far off from solving it as you may realise.

Its good to just relax and let things happen in their own course. Your morally quite strong and thats a good thing,there are all kinds of people in the world and if your looking for someone more like you then waiting on the right moment,time,person is worthwhile.
It also sounds like you have had the chances to break the fear, as you put it. Like you said, and it does seem like you have the answers in your head, its just an experience thing that you pick up in time like really good movie or music appreciation. In time you will watch movies and listen to bands that you thought you would never like and catch yourself wondering...when did this happen? it will happen as easy and smooth as that


go forth young grasshoppa

LighterGuy

Developing_Personally wrote: »

... To be put simply, my problem is that I find it very difficult to 'get' with girls or get intimate with them. The real problem is that I find myself just holding myself back because of fear.

For example, even if I am tipsy, i could not approach women in clubs or approach and make any 'moves' on the dancefloor, things like that. I have had the opportunity to make a 'move' already a few times

2 words: Mental Block
Everyone has gone through the mental block when they were younger. Heck im 25 and i can still get the block at times! We all do

Wanna know how to over come it? ... by not giving a boll*x.
Next time your in a situation and your mind is saying "DO IT!" - just do it. And so what if you fail, get rejected or you cringe! Like a lot in life we grow from trying or our mistakes op

Even if you feel like crawling into a cave, it doesnt matter 'cause then its about not giving a boll*x about the last time

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys !

I know I just have to make that 'leap' and go for it. It's just so difficult to get over your fear, its not even nerves, its just the huge fear of rejection.

I'll make a pact with myself that when the opportunity arises again, i will go for it. Now I wont ruthlessly go search for a woman or anything like that, but just go with the flow and when it arises, i will make the move ....hopefully