Can I change my sons natural shyness?

dibs101

Just lookin for some brief advice. Both myself and my wife I would classify as naturally shy people. I can see signs of our wonderful 2 year and 3 month old old son showing signs of natural shyness.... i feel somewhat responsible and would like to promote or encourage a more confident approach to day to day stuff...

Every week I try to do 1 new thing with him to broaden his mind, take him
out of his comfort zone and help his confidence. Granted a lot of the time it ends in leg hugging and i dont mind that...but it does make me wonder about his future.

Am i thinking too much about this?

Does this sound ludicrous for a two year old?

I have thought that perhaps there are some subtle tricks that could be used to improve his confidence or is this totally unnecessary at his age?

I know my natural shyness held me back somewhat and just wanting something something better for my son I wondered if a small work now could reap big rewards in the long run?????

Has anyone had any experience of this or does this sound bonkers?????

Any short advice would be appreciated....

LegacyUser

Hi there,

My son is 4 yrs old and i'm naturally quiet when getting to know someone but once I know and trust them and the environment i'm in I come out of the quietness and my son is the same.
I tried so long and hard to change this in him and i'd say to you is that there is encouragement but there is also overly making this an issue.

Instead of looking at this as a flaw in your children, accept it and be happy. All you can do is encourage them, if they see your getting upset and annoyed that they aren't being how you think they should be they will grow up thinking that they did something wrong or are not good enough.

There is so much pressure already on people to be normal and fit in that people forget we are all different.

You could build them up with confidence by suggesting they take up some sort of sport or hobby when they're a bit older which will bring out their talents etc. It will also introduce a natural common denominator with other children who have taken up the hobby and will make it easier for them to talk to others. Once they start school they usually grow out of the worst of the shyness anyway.

silverharp

its too early I think to read to much into their behaviour, as they can go though all kinds of phases, that being said, if you think the apples havent fallen too far from the tree I would make sure they have plenty of activities where they can interact with other kids , things like kindermusic or any other mom and toddler groups that are local.
Later on when they are 4 or 5, drama group or music school where it will become second nature to perform in front of people.

How Strange

I'd say get him used to playing with other kids. I've a cousin who was so shy as a baby/toddler he'd hide behind his mammys legs if you even said hello to him. He's a lovely kid and quite cheeky in a funny way when
it suits him but his mam noticed a big difference in him when he went to his childminders as she had a few kids of different ages.

Alot if his shyness came from his mam who was fiercely protective of him as a baby and would exclude him from playing if she thought it was too rough for him. As I said being around kids all day knocked that out of him.

littlebug

I don't think you can (or should) change someone's natural personality but I think you can work towards the child having an acceptance of themselves for who they are. I was a very painfully shy child and teenager so I was similarly concerned for daughter who is very like me. No amount of being around other kids made her less shy or timid. It's just who she is. What we did do is encourage and praise her in the things she enjoys and is good at ie art and music and praise her for just being herself. we tell her it's ok to be quiet and shy and to take her time to get used to people and situations rather than being forced into them. Now at 8 I would say she's a quietly confident girl. She'll say to me with confidence "I will never go on stage" ... but actually through her music she has already "performed" at school things without even realising it:D. She is still very self conscious and can still be uncomfortable with people looking at her but in general she's a happy and content little girl.

I know this isn't the common opinion but I personally don't believe in pushing children into things they don't want to do ie drama etc. I just think it'll give them a feeling of not being who you want them to be and make them even more uncomfortable with themselves. Just my opinion and how it works with mine. As always... all children are different and react differently in certain situations. As your child grows you'll know what's best for him.

cynder

I agree with littlebug 100%

Das Kitty

I agree with littlebug. I do think you could inspire your child to be more outgoing though through leading by example.

sarahlulu

My second daughter has always been incredibly shy. I think she found it hard as her older sister is so confident and outgoing. We never put pressure on her though, and gradually can see her coming out of her shell. School didn't make a huge difference last year, but she is in her second year now, and is like a new child. Really happy and getting more and more confident. This week she amazed everyone and asked her teacher could she please have a speaking part in the christmas play!!

Sigma Force

Kids do go through phases and he'll probably grow out of it as time goes on esp. when in school most schools are great now and have so many things to get kids to come out of their shell you might find he will be drawn to kids that might be more outgoing than himself and that will in turn bring him out of his shell. He's still very young so as said I wouldn't read too much into it, mabey taking him to the same place every week might help, get him used to one area before you try a new one. Sometimes trying new things and going new places helps but some kids do better with familiarity no harm in trying both ways.