Unable to cope with tension

LegacyUser

Hi. I was wondering if any other users have had a problem similar to mine, and if so how you dealt with it.

Basically, I have become unable to cope with any sort of tension. I guess I've always been this way to some extent. For years, whenever an issue arises, in which I even think I may be criticised, or have to argue my case, I tend to feel panicy, suffer from stomach cramps and often have to make a sudden dash to the toilet. I also somethimes wake up at night in a panic.

These are all things that I could cover up. However, over the last year I've found it increasingly difficult to continue to speak properly, when dealing with anyone who may contractict or criticise me. This happens particularly with my boss, while attending team meetings, or one to one, but also in other contexts. I find my boss to be a very difficult person.

The problem is that, when I start speaking, after one or two sentences I begin to feel like my troath is closing in on me. I feel short of breath, and my mouth feels very dry. It is impossible to speak more than very short sentences. I usually have to cut short what I want to say, and am left unable to explain my point, frantically hoping someone else will take up the thread. I somethings also go blank, and can't find the words. If I find people are in agreement with me, I can regain my confidence. However, if I sense any debate arising I can bottle it completely. I'm sure my boss, and my colleagues, must be wondering what on earth is wrong with me. After some team meetings I have been left feeling utterly humiliated.

I have a fairly responsible job, and in general, I get along well, interacting with many people, with no trouble. However, speaking at meetings, or in any context where I am under scrutiny, and open to criticism, has become an increasing ordeal.

I'm wondering if any other users have experienced this difficulty also, and if so, how did you deal with it? I'm wondering if I should try to see a therapist. I tried some herbal remedies, but don't think they are much use. Most information I see on line regarding public speaking nerves, seems more relevant to someone standing up to make a rehearsed speech to a large group. My problem is simply speaking in front of my colleagues, about various work related issues.

This is worrying me very much, and any advice would be very much appreciated.

Zen65

User1978 wrote: »

However, over the last year I've found it increasingly difficult to continue to speak properly, when dealing with anyone who may contractict or criticise me. ...............

I find my boss to be a very difficult person..........

The problem is that, when I start speaking, after one or two sentences I begin to feel like my troath is closing in on me. I feel short of breath, and my mouth feels very dry. It is impossible to speak more than very short sentences.

I'm not a doctor, and this is not medical advice, but it's advice based on my own personal experiences. This is fairly classical of somebody suffering from stress, but it may be just very mild stress. The problem is that you have (unknowingly) stopped breathing for a prolonged period, or reduced your breathing to being very shallow while being stressed, and eventually your body fights back by presenting you with symptoms you cannot ignore, and forcing you to hyperventilate.

I'm guessing you may also sometimes experience "choking" sensations when eating, especially if you try to talk while eating?

The good news is that it's not very difficult to fix this sort of thing. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (sometimes called "Biofeedback Therapy") is a very well established form of training which can help you to recognise the signs of stress early, and give you very simple tools for addressing your stress before it becomes a full-blown panic attack. CBT also helps you to examine yourself to understand why you feel this way (and it may well relate to your difficult boss, even if he/she is not being deliberately difficult towards you).

BTW, very many people feel no sense of "panic" when having a panic attack, they just get the physical symptoms including those you mentioned. In my experience, it's very often the "strong, silent type" of person who get these panic attacks.

Physical exercise is very beneficial for helping with this sort of thing. I find martial arts especially good for helping me, and whenever work stress piles up on me I try to spend more time in the dojo working up a damn good sweat.

I have a fairly responsible job, and in general, I get along well, interacting with many people, with no trouble. However, speaking at meetings, or in any context where I am under scrutiny, and open to criticism, has become an increasing ordeal.

Yeah, this could describe me also, and I was very surprised to suffer from these attacks some years ago, especially as I did not have any "intellectual anxiety" about speaking... I rarely needed encouragement to start speaking and could be difficult to silence, but the physical symptoms came upon me anyway!! A dozen or so sessions at CBT training plus some acupuncture, and fixing my diet (stop drinking coffee for a few months) and I was back to my old self.

Talk to your GP, you can be fairly sure he/she will have dealt with several cases each week of this..... it is surprisingly common! Your GP will point you to a CBT therapist in your area.

Be at peace,

Z