shouldn't bother me so much

messymess1

this is going to sound completely pathetic and such a petty problem, but it really and truly has been bothering me so so much for the past few weeks. i've been a complete mess since it happened.
basically, there's this guy that i've known and really really liked for a while that i never thought would ever like me..like ever. and a few weeks ago we were both extremely drunk and one thing led to another and yeah...stuff happened. basically it's the age old question of - he was drunk, i was drunk, what the F**K did it mean?? the main problem is, i don't remember completely, but i know i was really upset about something, and he was trying to cheer me up... and now i've just been beating myself up telling myself that he was only being nice and trying to stop me crying, and that he doesn't actually give a crap and if i hadn't been upset not a f**king thing would've happened. but i know he wanted to have s*x. that's what's confusing me. we didn't actually go the whole hog, but very very nearly, and it was him that initiated it all. i just want it to have meant so much more than i think he does

Zen65

messymess1 wrote: »

i just want it to have meant so much more than i think he does

This is a fairly universal dilemma in a relationship, at least at the start.

Since you want it to mean more, it's up to you to make the next move. Call him (while you're both sober) and ask him out for a coffee or a drink. Don't get drunk. See where it takes you. You can of course do the steering!!


Be at peace,


Z

solovely

I wouldn't call him and instantly ask him out for a drink. I would test the water first, text/ email/ ring him (whatever you're most comfortable with, everyone else will say call, but whichever feels most natural to you), say thanks a million for being such an understanding friend the other night, sorry for being such a mess, you really appreciate him being there for you and then make some sort of joke, but a positive flirty joke about you two being together after...as in, he did a great job of making you forget his problems, or you really like his form of therapy, or you never knew he had such consoling skills (OK, all very cheesy, whatever works for you and your style).

Just to play devil's advocate, he may have been taking advantage of you and your vulnerability, so do bear that in mind, but for now, you only have to think positive and hope for the best. You have absolutely nothing to lose by getting in touch! Just try make it fun and happy, rather than sad, vulnerable or needy as you want to get that image out of his head.

messymess1

thanks for the replies. =)i've been in contact with him a couple of times over facebook since it happened, and he called once too, but ive always been extremely wary of what i was saying and really just unsure of where i stand/what i was saying..not sure when i'll see him again for a while,but i'm pretty certain i'll be working with him for a while in 2011. but i like the idea of being happy and confident and stuff to get rid of the whole pathetic image he must now have of me i think i just need to convince myself that whatever happened, happened, and nothing i can say or do is going to change that it did. i need to just get a grip and face it! he's quite a confident guy so i can pretty much count on him not being too fazed about it the next time we see each other if it meant nothing to him. i just have a habit of over analysing things and worrying, especially when it comes to guys thanks for the replies though