Met someone I like, 2 dates, now no communication

LegacyUser

Met someone recently through a dating website. After a week or so of mails back and forth we met up before the weekend. She initially said she had to meet someone later, that never happened as we stayed in the pub till near closing time before walking her a to a taxi. Went pretty well I thought.

Stayed in contact after this and she wanted to meet up again to do something on sat. Turns out she got her dates wrong and had to go to a 30th but she still met me where I was with some friends. Sat was a very long day, I was definitely tired (she was to I think), and the last few hrs of the night were a little quiet in conversation. Again wanted to see her to a taxi after the place closes but she insisted she was fine and sent me on my way. She got home anyway.

On Sunday I text her had she a good nite etc, she replied and asked what I got up to that day, replied and that was it really.

I'm not sure where to go from here. I've a feeling I may have seemed to eager about seeing her again and maybe texting her again is a bit much? Do I just wait for her to text me, if ever? We spoke about going to the cinema during the week when she realised she couldn't meet me sat. I'd like to see her again, I think I could like her but reckon it may not happen again. Figure I must have done something right on the 1st date since we stayed in the pub chatting for hrs and she wanted to meet again, 2nd date not sure what happened didnt seem to have gone as well as the 1st.

I was going to leave it till today or tomorrow to text her maybe just call her and see whats up and if she fancies going to the cinema one of the evenings, not sure how to approach it

Oryx

The 'meeting someone later' on your first date is a standard thing to say in case you dont hit it off and she needs to get out of there.

If you want to see her, then give her a call and ask her out. If she says no or puts you off or whatever, then hey, you know to just leave it. I dont get this thing of waiting for x amount of time. If you like her, do it.

Texts are great in their place, but are no substitute for conversation especially if you're making plans to go out.

silkworm53

Hi OP

Did you make a move at all to kiss her?
She might have wanted to have sex with you but you didn't do anything.
You came across as timid and she has better options so she lost interest and you won't hear from her again unless you send a text or give her a call.
In future you have to be a more touchy feel guy with a girl you meet for a date - kiss her on both cheeks when you meet up with her, put your arm around her waist when you walk to where you are going. When you sit down and talk, try tucking strands of her loose hair back behind her ears while you look in her eyes, hold her hand and as the conversation flows you gradually pull her into you and eventually kiss her.

LegacyUser

silkworm53 wrote: »

Hi OP

Did you make a move at all to kiss her?
She might have wanted to have sex with you but you didn't do anything.
You came across as timid and she has better options so she lost interest and you won't hear from her again unless you send a text or give her a call.
In future you have to be a more touchy feel guy with a girl you meet for a date - kiss her on both cheeks when you meet up with her, put your arm around her waist when you walk to where you are going. When you sit down and talk, try tucking strands of her loose hair back behind her ears while you look in her eyes, hold her hand and as the conversation flows you gradually pull her into you and eventually kiss her.

Seriously OP don't listen to that advice.
Ring her or text her and ask her out again. Something different though to the pub or cinema. You can't get to know her in the cinema and well the pub again would just be boring. Maybe a gallery or a gig or some activity that you both share an interest in.
I don't think all is lost yet...just liven things up a little.

LegacyUser

Silkworm, are you for real???? On a first date!...Do you not think that's coming on a bit strong? If a guy pulled those moves on me on our first meet up, i'd either burst out laughing or run a mile.

Op i'd text her and see if she would like to go to the cinema. If she comes back with some excuse as to why she can't, you'll have your answer.

Best of luck, hope it works out for you.

silkworm53

unregi wrote: »

Silkworm, are you for real???? On a first date!...Do you not think that's coming on a bit strong? If a guy pulled those moves on me on our first meet up, i'd either burst out laughing or run a mile.

Op i'd text her and see if she would like to go to the cinema. If she comes back with some excuse as to why she can't, you'll have your answer.

Best of luck, hope it works out for you.

If a woman turns up for a date it means she's interested. You just have to know what vibes she is giving off so you can kiss her and take her back to your place. But if a guy does nothing about it then she will just walk.

Distorted

silkworm53 wrote: »

If a woman turns up for a date it means she's interested. You just have to know what vibes she is giving off so you can kiss her and take her back to your place. But if a guy does nothing about it then she will just walk.

Because theres such a connection between kissing someone on a date and immediately having sex with them?! How creepy. And girls pretty much have it drummed into them, even if they are going to have one night stands, to take the guy back to their place for safety reasons.

OP - you might try to kiss her next time you see her and judge her reaction from that. You could either phone her or text her to ask her out again, although I don't think the thing she said about being busy on Saturday is particularly encouraging. But its best for you to find out so just ask again and then at least you will know. She might be waiting for yout to be proactive.

LegacyUser

In work, shouldn’t really be reading thread or posting replies. But I just have to add..

She’s not long out of a pretty long relationship, I’m pretty sure she wants to take it slow. I’m generally quite shy but I would have tried to kiss her had I not got the impression she wants to take it slow. The “get out by meeting someone” must be some sort of a hint of a 1st date going well if she didn’t follow that one through, and then that she wanted to meet up again on sat (she suggested this) I think she is/was interested anyway.

I haven’t read the other replies properly, will respond later.

LegacyUser

the thing she said about being busy on Saturday is particularly encouraging

Missundertanding, we were meant to meet last sat, she got dates mixed up and had to cancel to go to a 30th, kept in contact anyway and she said she would meet me cause I was out to. Or was it the meeting someone on 1st date you were refering to, I think that was her escape (as mentioned above by another poster) which I guess she didn't have to stay true to since we stayed in the pub till near closing.

I'll try read over replies above properly later

neveah

You were onto her on Sunday, that was only two days ago and you saw her last Friday and Saturday night. That is loads of contact. If I was you I would wait until tomorrow or Thursday and give her a text or a call then. You want to give her some breathing space as well, especially if she is just out of a long term relationship, she may just want to take things slowly. I know people say don't play games etc but you don't want to be too eager either, keep it cool, contact her again in a couple of days and see if she fancies meeting up again over the weekend.

Overheal

silkworm53 wrote: »

If a woman turns up for a date it means she's interested. You just have to know what vibes she is giving off so you can kiss her and take her back to your place. But if a guy does nothing about it then she will just walk.

I could be interested in hearing about a timeshare, that doesn't imply that I have to subscribe to anything.

G-Money

To be honest, even if she wants to take things slow, I don't think going in for a kiss is rushing it. If I go out with a girl the first time (most internet dates tbh), I sometimes go in for the kiss at the end of the night, other times I don't. It really depends on the situation.

If I'm not interested or if it's obvious she's not interested, then I won't go in for a kiss.

If I'm unsure if she's interested, then I often won't go in for the kiss. However in these situations if we're texting and stuff afterwards and it turns out she is interested, I'll drop into the conversation something like "You should brace yourself for a kiss the next time " But I only do that when I know she's interested and when I am too. And then the next time I will go in for kiss.

Or if we both seem interested and I'm picking up vibes from her that she's on for it, I will go in for a kiss at the end.

I don't mean a full on snog fest, but a quick-ish smooch on the lips. For me anyway, I think it's important to do that by the 2nd date at the latest. Sometimes the first date can be a bit awkward and if you're not sure where you stand it's ok to hold back. But I think you definitely need to make a move on the 2nd date.

Sorry if my advice is a bit long winded. I guess what I'm saying is that if you go out with this girl again, make sure you kiss her. If you don't, she's going to think you're not interested and she'll give you the permanent friend tattoo that you don't want and will never be able to remove.

It sounds a bit like she's not sure what she wants. If she wants to take things slow, fair enough, but don't let that make you think you can't kiss and stuff.

LegacyUser

Sort of mixed opinions on kissing her. I'd love to give her a kiss, I don't think I'd feel comfortable making the 1st move until I was certain she was into me or even would want me to kiss her though.

I'm really close to sending her a text now, or sooner rather than later, at least I'll know where I stand. There was plenty texting between meeting her Thursday and Saturday night when I met her. Was thinking of cinema and maybe a drink before/after, although a change from the pub would be nice (ice skating?)

Overheal

Hell OP, she probably feels its your move (which seems adolescent, but) go for it.

Hazys

I'd defly give it a day or two before contacting her again. If she's anyway 50-50 sending too many texts can be smothering and annoying and could make up her mind quicker. You only contacted her Sunday.


Leave it a day or two, you have nothing to lose by doing this. Id give her a text on Thursday asking hows the week going and then i ask about making plans for Fri or Sat night.

LegacyUser

Sent her a text earlier today, around 3 I guess, still no reply Time to go find the next one I guess.

I'm kinda disappointed, I think like her, guess she made me laugh which was nice and I felt at ease talking to her. Hopefully the next time I meet someone things go better!

mrpink6789

at least you know dude, her loss at the end of the day. It will be better for you knowing now rather then the nightmare of wondering! we've all been there.

LegacyUser

I might have this figured out, something I didn't think would have caused a issue.

When we got chatting (before Thursdays date) it turned out I sort of knew her ex (common interest), I've met him a few time but not mates or anything. I know his best mate who I met earlier this evening.

He suddenly asked me hows [insert name] and I told him I've not heard from her since Sunday. She obviously spoke to her ex for him to find out. Maybe it was a bit to weird for her I know him or he said something to her to put me of I'm not sure.

Our common friend (not her ex) reckons maybe thats what might have happened. His advice was to send her an email and say i like her, how I thought we connected and got on so well, that it is a bit weird I know her ex but that I don't know him very well at all and that I'd like to see her and got to the flicks or something and just see how it goes between us and hopefully the ex will slowly become less of a concern.

HellFireClub

wadaboutcha wrote: »

I might have this figured out, something I didn't think would have caused a issue.

When we got chatting (before Thursdays date) it turned out I sort of knew her ex (common interest), I've met him a few time but not mates or anything. I know his best mate who I met earlier this evening.

He suddenly asked me hows [insert name] and I told him I've not heard from her since Sunday. She obviously spoke to her ex for him to find out. Maybe it was a bit to weird for her I know him or he said something to her to put me of I'm not sure.

Our common friend (not her ex) reckons maybe thats what might have happened. His advice was to send her an email and say i like her, how I thought we connected and got on so well, that it is a bit weird I know her ex but that I don't know him very well at all and that I'd like to see her and got to the flicks or something and just see how it goes between us and hopefully the ex will slowly become less of a concern.

Still in touch with an ex, avoid at all costs. She is obviously only sticking her toe into the dating pond trying to get a feel for what is out there and any date that ends in a friendly chat is a result to her, forget about it is my advice, it's very unlikely to really go anywhere when she is still trying to wean herself off her ex...

LegacyUser

I can see where your coming from. I know I’m still in touch with my ex from time to time, I probably would have told her I’d met someone had I met this girl again. I’m not sure why she rang the ex or what was said, could have been to check me out or let him know she met someone?

I’m going to mull over it a little, maybe not get in touch with her. Give her a bit more time to get over her ex and if she still wants to meet me in future she knows where/how to contact me. She was with this guy for a very long time.

Dinge

Sorry to hear that, mate. She looks like she's not really that interested Nobody's ever that busy that they can't reply to a text.