for parents of boys

metrovelvet

http://www.modernmom.com/article-8858-boys-self-esteem-problems/#jumpToArticle

I received this very interesting article about the growing epidemic of self esteem in school age boys. It has given me a lot of food for thought now that I am looking into and researching primary schools in my local area. Never in my life would I have dreamt of considering a single sex school for any child of mine but things have changed and people are afraid of piping up for the boys in case it takes something away from the girls and girls are out achieving boys by miles. And now I find myself seriously considering sending him to an all boys school. EEK.

Here are a few excerpts that try to explain why.

Content with Contentment
While today’s girls are enjoying a new kind of psychological emancipation thanks to the successes of the women's movement—they are not as shy about saying what they want, and are motivated to work hard to get it—a growing number of boys seem to be moving in the opposite direction. “They just don’t have the drive we expect from them and that their father had,” says Leonard Sax, a psychologist, family physician, and the author of Boys Adrift. “American women are stepping up and striving to be all they can be. Why is it that so many of their brothers are content to stay home and play Call of Duty?”

Mismatch in the System
Sax blames the rising phenomenon of disengaged boys on a number of factors, including video games and a lack of male role models. Michael Gurian, a psychologist and the author of The Purpose of Boys, places more emphasis on the loss of the extended family, and the tendency of today’s parents to do too many things for their boys when they are young. But both experts agree the main problem is an accelerated school curriculum that places a growing emphasis on sitting and verbalizing, when boys learn from moving and doing. “There’s a mismatch between the way males learn and the system,” said Gurian.

Girl Power, Not Boy Power
Not only have academics changed, but so has acceptable social behavior. “Boys used to be a scourge on middle school girls, snapping their bras and things like that,” said Thompson. “We defined this as sexual harassment and so they stopped. They knew they could get into trouble. But seventh-grade girls telling boys they’re stupid and lazy doesn’t get them into trouble.” “Girls say that all the time!” said Jon, a senior at a private high school in New York. “They call you stupid, lazy, and immature, and they hit you, but you can’t hit back.” “Sure girls hit,” said Ariel, a junior at a large public school. “They do it when no one is looking because they know you’re not allowed to hit back. But what are you going to do? That’s how it is. Don’t forget they call it girl power, not boy power.”

Teachers Favor Girls
Both the boys and girls that I talked to believe that teachers favor girls. Male teachers are seen as being more understanding of boys than their female counterparts, but only 4 percent of elementary school teachers are male. There are more male teachers in high school, but they say they have to be careful in how they reach out to boys so as not to be perceived as favoring them. “It’s easy to think boys feel confident,” said one male teacher in New York. “They can act cocky. But this is a ruse. Teenagers are insecure. It’s a time of figuring out who you are. If you’re 14 years old and a teacher comes up to you and says I think you’d be great in this group, that’s a very powerful thing. I’m not sure we’re saying this as much to boys as we are to girls.” “I really don’t want people to cut back on the message they’re giving girls,” said Thompson. “I just want them to help boys take leadership positions."

thesimpsons

I've got my girls and boys in different schools. It worked perfectly for my kids in primary level as mainly my girls were more interested in general learning, singing and arts/crafts type stuff while for the boy learning was something to be endured while waiting for sports and games. In secondary they are still separated and it certainly seems to work for them. The girls are so confident and motivated in school and I've seen the way they will almost bully and redicule their brother and his friends if the boys ask a `stupid' question. Boys within their own classroom setting just have a laugh if someone says something stupid and then move on whereas girls tend to remember and bring it up again and again. The boys on their own can find the own level at a slower pace (and boys are generally a bit slower at this stage but they do catch up by later teens) without the pressure of the girls having a laugh and a snigger at them. having spoken to kids and teens themselves at informal occasions (eg scouts, youth club) and parents of kids in co-ed schools I have found that usually the kids themselves will voice opinion of single sexed classes but perhaps within co-ed schools by the time secondary comes along. Even teens who have been to co-ed primaries have expressed preference for single sex now that they are in secondary. I don't hold much truth in the views that single sex schools makes the girls boymad or that boys get tongue tied in the presence of girls when they do eventually meet up - I find that on a level playing field socially , they are all quite comfortable together. Accademically its been reported for many years that boys tend to `cop on' later and I feel they need this separate education to allow them to develop at their own pace.

just my thoughts - and as with everything -- - - there are exceptions to everything.

Fittle

I haven't read that whole article metro, but what jumped out most from your excerpt for me was that teachers prefer girls:rolleyes:

In itself, this is enough to cause a problem for boys in a classroom situation - I remember distinctly in fourth class, that my teacher just didn't like me, and my life was hell for that year. Having a teacher just not like you, can have untold affects on your self-esteem, self-worth etc.

My son is in an all boys school - I consciously enrolled him there as he didn't have a male role model in his life, and had many girl 'friends' from creche etc, so I wanted him to learn how to 'be' a boy from his peers (because I certainly can't teach him that;)).

My hope was that he'd also have a male teacher - but 5 yrs later, and it's been women all the way unfortunately - I'm hopeful for next September though!

I am often grateful that I've a boy because I have seen that 'Boys act out, Girls act in' stuff all around me (as mentioned in the article also). All of that moody behaviour from girls would have me demented with worry - when my lad is annoyed etc, he just expresses the emotion at the time (anger/frustration, whatever), and then the situation is dealt with, but I've seen girls who get into their moods and there's no telling how long it will take before they express an emotion about how they're feeling (from the age of 3!)...

Boys bring their own sets of problems obviously, and I am sometimes concerned that his school life doesn't emulate his home life (there are alot of girls on the road), but I think he has a good mix of both.

deisemum

As a mother of 2 teenage boys and as a female with 7 sisters I think that article is spot on from what I've experienced and observed.

I sent the boys to a mixed primary school and they're now attending a boys secondary school. After seeing how girls are repeatedly favoured by teachers and knowing what I now know if I were to do the primary school all over again then I'd send them to a boys only school and wouldn't even consider a mixed school.

One of my boys had a male teacher one year and the difference between that male teacher and the majority of the female teachers was breathtaking. All bar one of the female teachers consistently viewed girls as good and boys as bold/bad and favoured the girls over the boys anytime there was an incident between a girl and a boy.

The only female teacher that didn't do that was the one that my older son had in 6th class but she was a mother of boys only and on the very first day of 6th class warned the girls that they were not to be coming with tales about the boys unless it was something serious.

As one of 8 girls I know exactly how sneaky and manipulative girls can be.

dan_d

Jeez, harsh on girls here guys!!!

Like I've said here before (I know I keep repeating, but it's just so people know where I'm coming from as I've no kids!!!), I'm the child of a teacher (daughter). I've only got sisters. And my mum sent us all to an all-girls secondary school partly because if we were in a mixed school the boys would take up a lot of the teachers time, and she wanted us to have the best chance possible while in school - she knew this from teaching kids for years.

If you see a class of primary school kids, who have a majority of boys - say 12 girls and 17 boys - you instantly notice that the noise level is much louder and the teacher spends more time correcting behaviour. If it's the other way around, the class tends to be quieter and easier to handle. It's obviously just the nature of boys and girls. I think it's a bit unfair to say teachers think girls are good, and that girls are sly and manipulative.

Personally, if I have ever have kids, they will be going to single sex secondary schools, but mixed primary schools. I think some boys can turn into absolute animals without some kind of female influence at some point along the line (and I did engineering in college, so I have first-hand experience of seeing this).I know boys mature much later than girls, and I don't think it's particularly inflicting one on the other all day long for 5/6 years of secondary school.

metrovelvet

dan_d wrote: »

Jeez, harsh on girls here guys!!!

Like I've said here before (I know I keep repeating, but it's just so people know where I'm coming from as I've no kids!!!), I'm the child of a teacher (daughter). I've only got sisters. And my mum sent us all to an all-girls secondary school partly because if we were in a mixed school the boys would take up a lot of the teachers time, and she wanted us to have the best chance possible while in school - she knew this from teaching kids for years.

If you see a class of primary school kids, who have a majority of boys - say 12 girls and 17 boys - you instantly notice that the noise level is much louder and the teacher spends more time correcting behaviour. If it's the other way around, the class tends to be quieter and easier to handle. It's obviously just the nature of boys and girls. I think it's a bit unfair to say teachers think girls are good, and that girls are sly and manipulative.

Personally, if I have ever have kids, they will be going to single sex secondary schools, but mixed primary schools. I think some boys can turn into absolute animals without some kind of female influence at some point along the line (and I did engineering in college, so I have first-hand experience of seeing this).I know boys mature much later than girls, and I don't think it's particularly inflicting one on the other all day long for 5/6 years of secondary school.

Yes thats what I thought and was my experience in primary school but that was a long time ago and things have changed. I thought at least in secondary school a mixed gender school would at least keep the boys concious of personal grooming. I went to mixed gender and the boys were not that bad but some of them did turn into animals although kept it clean for the most part when girls were around. At the same time, the boys who graduated from my secondary school all turned into men with impecaible manners but Id say that has to do with the nature of where I went to school moreso than it being mixed gender.

Sleepy

Any chance thread title can be changed to include the Dads?

Interesting article, particularly when taken in conjunction with the gender imbalance in LC results and Third Level participation.

As female emancipation and the feminist movement has progressed, I think society has sometimes forgotten about male needs whilst trying to correct the old injustices against women. It's one of the main reasons I believe legislation and policy formation shouldn't include references to gender, focusing instead on the roles of the men / woman e.g. parent (when dealing with maintenance/visitation rights), students (in the case in question), agressor/victim (in the case of assault, rape etc.)

I tend to very much lean towards the nurture side of the nature vs. nurture debate (whilst acknowledging that nature plays a role) and believe that children are very much socialised into their gender roles. In our family, my daughter is very much the little bruiser who loves toy cars, lego etc. whilst her older brother is very much more the sensitive one who, whilst he loves Lego, happily plays with toy dolls/buggies etc. that were bought for Rory.

Nevyn

I think it does make a difference to the dynamic in the calss room, my daughter is in a small class but she is only 1 of 5 girls in it and the girls are mixed through out the class room but she hates sitting surrounded by boys, it' gotten to bad she's asking about being allowed to go an all girls secondard school.

Cat Melodeon

I worked on a research project on gender differences in Irish secondary schools and what we found broadly ties in with this article. In Irish schools, educational outcomes for boys are better in single sex schools than mixed ones. There appears to be less of a difference in outcomes for girls though, they seem to do as well in mixed as single sex schools. We only looked at secondary schools, but other research does show that the dearth of male primary school teachers does have a significant effect on everything from the time given over to sports in schools, to how classrooms are physically organised and how children are disciplined, and that many of these differences impact on children's self-esteem and their understanding of 'gendered' identities.

I always thought that as a parent I would try to offer exactly the same experiences to a daughter as to a son but I now am fairly sure I'll be sending my son to a single sex primary school (the first two 'reception' years will be in a mixed class). As long as kids have plenty of opportunites to attend other activities in mixed settings (sports clubs, scouts etc) they shouldn't be at a disadvantage socially.