Yes.... another roommate one.

LegacyUser

I am renting out a room in my apartment and to be honest Im going to crack up.

She is very untidy and at the start it didn’t bother me too much I just cleaned up when she left for college or if she went home for the weekend Id scrub the place from top to bottom, but its getting worse, (im not a clean freak by the way lol)

She wont empty the bins just lets them over flow, when she does wash up things are still very dirty and need to be re washed, this also doesn’t bother me too much I just re wash,

But it’s really starting to get to me after this weekend
Friday night I had friends over, I cleaned the place so it looked nice for when they came but herself and her boyfriend came home and cooked dinner I mentioned I wanted the place a bit tidy because my friends hadn’t seen the apartment and I wanted it to look nice, after dinner they left all their plates , pots, glasses piled on the work top, they weren’t even rinsed so the place smelled of curry so I had to wash up minutes before my friends arrived, when I went to empty the bin every thing poured all over the floor because she piled stuff in so that was another job,

Also she let me know she was a little put out my friends were calling and wanted to know exactly what time we would be leaving, which I thought was a bit rude, as her boyfriend come down for the weekend and stays 3 or 4 night and I never say a word, even thought they keep me up having s*x loudly (even thought she knows the walls are paper thin) he showers at like 6am every morning which also wakes me but I say nothing as I want her to be comfortable.

I don’t know if she is just a bit clueless or is she being childish on purpose, if she does her washing up and I have a glass or something lying around she just puts it to the side and washes her own which I do think is odd especially when I have cleaned up after her and her “parties” many a night,.

Also if im watching she takes to remote and changes the channel if I get up to get a drink or run to the bathroom, I haven’t said anything so far because I want her to feel comfortable since she is so far away from home but the thing is I am starting to feel uncomfortable in my own home.


Sorry for such a long post, I just need some advice, I don’t want to be giving out because id feel like a bully or something,

solovely

I get ya! It's a tough one. I rent out two rooms in my house, so I know where you're coming from. And because you didn't nip it in the bud, it's harder to do now, but you really do need to take control as it sounds like it's getting out of hand.

I had a new housemate move in 2 weeks ago, and I can already see that she is not the tidiest. Saturday night she had some friends over, so Sunday morning when she got up, I just pointed out to her nicely, where all the cleaning stuff was, empathised with her about how annoying it is to have to clean up after a night out and how messy the kitchen looks when it's not even that bad, gave her a few bin bags, and left the house. Came back and it was gleaning. That's the first attempt she's made though in 2 weeks.

I think you need to say something, you can start by throwing out a few little digs, some people are clueless though and need things really spelled out. Here's some helpful digs/ hints....
"when you're on your way out would you mind emptying the bin? Thanks"
"isn't it so annoying the way the whole place stinks of curry after we eat it, I hate it too, it kinda puts you off getting it in the first place"
"the colour of the tiles is so impractical isn't it, it's so annoying the way we have to wash them every week"

Because I have 2 housemates, another sneaky trick I adopt from time to time, is to blame the other person in front of the person I know is responsible....i.e. "did you see the way xx went home for the weekend and didn't even bother to empty the dishwasher?" knowing that yy has been in the house all day long and didn't either.

My biggest tip though, would be to get in a cleaner!! I know it seems like a drastic action, but for your sanity it is worth it. I'm far from a clean freak, and don't like cleaning myself, but get even more annoyed when other people mess up the place, so I got in a cleaner, and it's my treat to the house. She does the kitchen, bathrooms, hoovering, etc. but leaves their rooms in peace.
€30 every fortnight is a small price to pay for harmony in the household.

Cheap Thrills!

OP, she is taking the p!ss out of you. She is treating you like HER servant in YOUR own home.

She is obviously a mixture of cheeky AND clueless. She has probably been spoilt at home BUT that's no excuse.

Now you have not managed this too well so far. All you've done is enable her to walk all over you. You have to show people where the boundaries are in life. There is no easy way to deal with the likes of this. So far you have avoided it and said nothing, said nothing and then said nothing a bit more.

So what motivation does she have to change? None. She's not a decent person. She's one of these people that will use you and take the p!ss out of you if you let her. She obviously thinks you're a total doormat and is laughing up her sleeve.

Now this is the thing about letting someone into your home. You can never know them until you live with them. No-one wants conflict in their own home but here you have no choice.

It's either sit her down and explain you expect her to clean up, keep the sex noises down, butt out of your business as in how long your friends stay -that's none of her business, she rents a ROOM. More than likely when you do this she will explode and try to turn it back on you.....she hasn't proved too reasonable so far.

At the end of the day if she can't conform to what is required give her her notice and get someone more suitable.

The one thing you can't continue doing is saying nothing and expecting her to change. You need to learn to open up your mouth and tell her what's what.

LegacyUser

Thanks very much for your replies, and the tips its hard to know if im right or wrong but it’s a relief that you both thinks she is out of order as I was wondering was I just too picky.

You are right about me having to say something, I do give hints and it doesn’t seem to work,
when my friends were coming over I did ask if she would keep it clean that I don’t normally mind but tonight id like the kitchen left as it was found, ….. She still left the washing up thrown around the place.
Three weekends ago her and the boyfriend went through a crate of beer and as I was sick of bringing her bottles to the bottle bank I just said “I have 2 empty bottles of wine will you bring them to the bottle bank when you are doing yours” (just to give the hint) those bottles are now in the boot of my car as she had no intension of doing it,
Also I was cross one night because she put sopping wet clothes on the clothes horse and when I came home, (its hard to believe) but there was a massive puddle, took me ages to mop up (and now my floors are starting to warp) I said this to her and she just said “oh sorry I didn’t realise they were that wet”

I don’t want to tell her to leave as Id hate for her to be stuck for somewhere now its half way through her college year but I am going to have to sit down and say something straight out, you are right I am being a total doormat,

scarymoon1

op you are way too nice to her. You have to say something to her - but as you already did before your friends came and she still left the place in a mess - well I douth she will be clean in the future. It really annoys me when you clean up after people and then if you leave a cup or plate in the sink they only wash their own and leave yours, pisses me right off. Its the same in the house Im renting at the moment too but as they are friends I cant really say anything. I clean the night before then come home from work and its back to square one. Im just going to leave the mess and see will they clean up. Actually you could try that too??? It will probably drive you mad but dont clean up after her and see how long she can stick the mess and whether she will clean up?? Worth a try.

Redpunto

Shes going it coz you're letting her walk all over you - sit her down, lay down the "rule" of the house and if she doesnt stick by them she has to go.

How Strange

I have to agree op she's walking all over you and you're letting her. If I were you I'd sit her down and tell her either she cops onto herself and starts acting like an adult and treating you and your home with respect or she's out. No if ands or buts.

LegacyUser

Pussy footing around things never works.

I've been on both ends of it.... living with filthy /messy / untidy housemates and then also being the one who didn't realise that my landlady thought I was taking the piss until I left (the previous two months she greeted me with silence).

The rage builds until you snap.

You could start a conversation with "hey look, I don't think this is working out so well. I didn't come up with any house rules but I think we need to draw some up together so that we can both get along better."

Don't rake over the past incidents unless she asks for them. And if she does, mention the one big incident (your friends coming over) - don't go into everything.

Before you let again, have house rules. It's your house. Now, they have to be reasonable and flexible to a degree but she has treated you badly.

cafecolour

Going Mad. wrote: »

I don’t want to tell her to leave as Id hate for her to be stuck for somewhere now its half way through her college year but I am going to have to sit down and say something straight out, you are right I am being a total doormat,

She sounds like a worthless cow, I'd def tell her to leave. It's her problem if she can't find a new place, she's treating you with absolutely no respect.

solovely

I know everybody is saying you need to lay down the law and tell this girl to start behaving or get out, and I do agree to an extent, but you have to live with this girl after you "lay down the law" so if I were you I would try to do it as nice and peaceful a way as possible. It's easy to tell people to stop walking all over you, when you don't have to spend 12 hours a day in the same house as them.

You could start a conversation with "hey look, I don't think this is working out so well. I didn't come up with any house rules but I think we need to draw some up together so that we can both get along better."

I think this is a great suggestion, and let her set some rules as well as you. When my first housemates moved in, we all set one big rule each and tried our best to stick to it, so at least we were all equally respecting each other, even though the house was mine.

nobody is denying that this young girl is totally taking the p1ss, sounds like she's just moved out of home, and really doesn't have a clue, but in order to keep harmony in the home, you still have to treat it with sensitivity. As some posters suggest, you could just kick her out, but I know myself it's not always easy to find new lodgers, especially when you are an owner occupier. Remember, at the end of the day, as much as it pains you, in the current climate, she is the one doing you a favour by helping pay your mortgage, rather than you doing her a favour by giving her a place to live.

My suggestion would be to suggest a house chat, get some biccies and wine maybe, make is casual and nice.... ask her if she thinks it's a good idea if ye lay down some ground rules together. For every rule you lay down, give her the opportunity to either give her point of view and/ or set up a new rule of her own. Ask her what about you annoys her and be ready to take the criticism and then give yours in return in a nice way. You can always use the old reliable build burn build technique (you're a great housemate/ lovely girl/ great fun...but we need to improve on a, b, c......cos I really like you and don't want to lose a great housemate)....oh, and always refer to her as housemate/ roomate rather than lodger. I think a lot of the problem could be that you feels you are the adult/ homeowner, and as the child/ lodger she isn't an equal in the apartment, and so doesn't have to behave like one.

Hope that helps

LegacyUser

Thanks very much for all your replies, its very helpful to hear all your comments and advice.

Im gonna just sit her down and talk to her about it, il be as nice as possible because she is a bit younger and she is far away from home and Il see how I get on, I do know last year she had lots of fights with her flat mates because they were "constantly on her case" so maybe they had the same issues,

I know some of you think it would be easier to get rid of her but I definitely wouldnt do that and no not becasue "she is doing me a favour by renting off me" as I have a few friends who want to move in now or whenever she goes (but i know what you mean) I just wouldnt get rid of her because it would be unfair to her now half way through her college year. She was stayin else where for her first month in college but she didnt like it and I know it was hassle for her to move out of there and in with me,

I was thinking of just lettin it go because she is a lovely girl we get on well and so on she is probably just a bit dense. I'l see how i get on over the next week or so.

thanks guys