just broke up

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this.

Been going out with my boyfriend for a year and tonight he broke up with me. We had a big fight last night over nothing and had been fighting a bit over the weekend.

He said its just something he has to do but isn't sure about it. He says he loves me but just doesn't feel like he puts as much into the relationship as me and doesn't know if he wants to. We were both crying on the phone and he wants me to ring him tomorrow but i dont know why.

I feel so broken, I cant stop shaking. The thought of never seeing him or talking to him again just makes me cry. Only a few days ago we were happy and madly in love and hanging out and just enjoying each others company. He said the past year was the happiest of his life, so why is he doing this?

I dont really know why im on this but I dont know what to do. What can i do? is it definitely over?

He said he will probably regret it and the thoughts of never seeing me again or talking to me again made him cry.

Im so broken and numb. Any advice please?

THEZAPPA

brokeninside wrote: »

Going unreg for this.

Been going out with my boyfriend for a year and tonight he broke up with me. We had a big fight last night over nothing and had been fighting a bit over the weekend.

He said its just something he has to do but isn't sure about it. He says he loves me but just doesn't feel like he puts as much into the relationship as me and doesn't know if he wants to. We were both crying on the phone and he wants me to ring him tomorrow but i dont know why.

I feel so broken, I cant stop shaking. The thought of never seeing him or talking to him again just makes me cry. Only a few days ago we were happy and madly in love and hanging out and just enjoying each others company. He said the past year was the happiest of his life, so why is he doing this?

I dont really know why im on this but I dont know what to do. What can i do? is it definitely over?

He said he will probably regret it and the thoughts of never seeing me again or talking to me again made him cry.

Im so broken and numb. Any advice please?

Im sorry to hear this OP. I hope your ok.

Best thing you can do right now is to relax. It's hard but your just going to have to let it happen.

I cant say for sure if its definitely over between you too. He obviously really cares and loves you, but men have egos and maybe what you said to him hurt his ego. BUT it is not your fault and dont think it is.

It seems like he is very confused but you will just have to play it cool and what happens happens. Sorry your hurting so much, break ups are painful especially if you still are in love with them and know they are with you too.

Let us know what happens.

I wish you all the best

LighterGuy

Its too soon to be thinking what is going to happen. You dont know sadly. And you are in an emotional state. As you say you only broke up yesterday.

In my experience fights over nothing rarely are just that. Even if its about something else, or a collection of things. BUT! that is too soon to be coming to that conclusion.

See what happens.
If he does break up with you just remember rome wasnt built in a day, and a broken heart wasnt mended over night.

LegacyUser

He rang me today and said its something he needs to do.

No changing his mind. He said its really hard but he isn't happy with himself and cant give me what i deserve.

He didnt want to do it and put me through so pain but he has too.

He also said it wont be the last time we talk or see each other. He said he would contact me soon just needs to clear his head.

im so confused and hurt. Last thing he said was he loves me.

What do you think about this because I cant understand.

please help!!!

neveah

I know how hard this is right now, you feel shattered and heartbroken, it's a horrible horrible experience to go through and my heart goes out to you.
It's fresh now but as it starts to sink in you are going to go through a lot of ups and downs. At the moment you are probably just crying and moping about, this is natural after the first few days of a break up but after this you need to start to pull yourself together, the best thing to do is to keep busy and surround yourself with friends and family. Talk to them about how you are feeling, this will help you feel better, help you deal with your emotions and your friends and family can offer you advice.

As for your ex-boyfriend, do NOT contact him, under any circumstances. This is without doubt going to be the hardest thing to do but honestly it's the best advice you are going to get. Let him know exactly what his life will be like without you in it. It's common to go through crazy periods after a break-up and bombard your ex with phone calls and texts, DO NOT do this. He doesn't want to be with you, yet he is telling you that he loves you and that ye will still be friends/be in contact. If you agree to this it will be a HUGE mistake. He is your ex now, you can not be friends with him because you still have feelings for him. If you are prepared to settle for a friendship with this guy then prepare yourself for extreme heartbreak in the future once he gets a new girlfriend, and trust me he will. He will be 'friends' with you while he is looking out for something better to come along. It's hard to take in this advice now because you are so emotionally raw but I promise you things will get better but if you stay in contact and friends with this guy then you will prolong the heartache and pain for yourself. I can't stress this strongly enough. YOU will always be the one who gets hurt. Cut him off.

Get the book 'It's called a break up because it's broken', this may help you deal with the break up step by step.

It's a real ****ty time, I know it is because I've been through it too and I did all the things above that I am telling you not to do so I am speaking from experience. Take some power back, don't let him bring you down or turn you into a mess. Dig deep inside yourself and stay strong, you will look back in the future and be glad you did. He is not worth your tears or sorrow.

LegacyUser

neveah wrote: »

I know how hard this is right now, you feel shattered and heartbroken, it's a horrible horrible experience to go through and my heart goes out to you.
It's fresh now but as it starts to sink in you are going to go through a lot of ups and downs. At the moment you are probably just crying and moping about, this is natural after the first few days of a break up but after this you need to start to pull yourself together, the best thing to do is to keep busy and surround yourself with friends and family. Talk to them about how you are feeling, this will help you feel better, help you deal with your emotions and your friends and family can offer you advice.

As for your ex-boyfriend, do NOT contact him, under any circumstances. This is without doubt going to be the hardest thing to do but honestly it's the best advice you are going to get. Let him know exactly what his life will be like without you in it. It's common to go through crazy periods after a break-up and bombard your ex with phone calls and texts, DO NOT do this. He doesn't want to be with you, yet he is telling you that he loves you and that ye will still be friends/be in contact. If you agree to this it will be a HUGE mistake. He is your ex now, you can not be friends with him because you still have feelings for him. If you are prepared to settle for a friendship with this guy then prepare yourself for extreme heartbreak in the future once he gets a new girlfriend, and trust me he will. He will be 'friends' with you while he is looking out for something better to come along. It's hard to take in this advice now because you are so emotionally raw but I promise you things will get better but if you stay in contact and friends with this guy then you will prolong the heartache and pain for yourself. I can't stress this strongly enough. YOU will always be the one who gets hurt. Cut him off.

Get the book 'It's called a break up because it's broken', this may help you deal with the break up step by step.

It's a real ****ty time, I know it is because I've been through it too and I did all the things above that I am telling you not to do so I am speaking from experience. Take some power back, don't let him bring you down or turn you into a mess. Dig deep inside yourself and stay strong, you will look back in the future and be glad you did. He is not worth your tears or sorrow.

thanks for all the advice!

Thing is I know he needs this because off everything thats being put on him. His family always calling him a failure. Then me shouting at him telling him he was too during our fight. I dont believe he is but I was drunk and angry. I know its nothing to do with me and him because I am the happiest thing for him. But he cant change himself and be with me because he'll drag me along and he said he'll just happily be with me instead of fixing the problem. He hates himself.

Maybe im making excuses but its all he said to me.

And i know he wont be going after other women because he isn't like that and would never leave me for someone else.

if its meant to be then it will be I guess I just need to follow your advice. no contact..even though im strulling so hard, He is my best friend, my lover and was my boyfriend. he still gives me butterflies whenever i saw him.

I guess should i hold on in hope or just move on and if he does come back then he does and if not least we could be friends because id have moved on?

Im in so pain..i really thought and still believe we are soul mates...which i never believed in that. I wish this was all a bad dream and i could just wake up

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

Hey OP

In my experience it is best to move on. If someone wants you they do come back and if it works again happy days.

As hard as it is, you just have to keep moving forward. I'm not suggesting book a week's holiday with your girlfriends... just try and keep your good friends close. You will need them. The way you feel does pass in time but there is no quick fix.

I'd very very strongly recommend that you tell him he is not to contact you for several months (at least). Him ringing crying down the phone and then saying he cant be with you is only going to wreck you head. I mean come on, if he's not going to change his mind why keep ringing?

Call up a friend and organise to have them round, go see a movie, go for dinner... anything Trust me, you'll have to drag yourself there, but each day is a day closer to GETTING OVER IT!!!

thanks for your advice, he never said he wouldn't change his mind he said he felt like this right now. That is why were going to give space for a few weeks.

I think i just need to accept it but I cant right now.

RiRa_Kelly

I know what your going through and it really sucks. My boyfriend of the last four months broke up with me last week, his mother has been re diagosed with Cancer and between that working to put himself through college now and studying he says he isn't able to give me any commitment. I'm completely heart broken, he is a great guy and I was falling for him hard, right now i'm the same as you completely numb. Last night after the Munster match I ran into him in the pub and things seemed great again, he was hugging and kissing me and I hoped he had maybe changed his mind. When I came to asking him about things he said he was confused and didn't know what to do and that if things weren't as they are he would never have broken up with me. Right now I just want to be there for him and take care of him during this awful time but I'm now in a position where I'm completely helpless. I miss him terribly but i know the only way for us to ever have a chance again is to leave him be but it is so hard not to contact him.

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear that! hope it is going ok. just keep busy...it gets easier!

I feel much better after a few days of just keeping busy, didnt think i could cope.

He text me yesterday and today to see how i am. I don't know why he is contacting me especially so soon afterwards. He asked if i wanted him to call him today and other stuff.

Any thoughts on this? Do ex's usually get in contact so soon?
He still hasn't taken us down as being together on facebook...i know its facebook but why hasnt he?

maybe he forgot but who knows. I dont really want to take it down myself as then i know it would be over completely. guess i should just take it down..

miec

I'd very very strongly recommend that you tell him he is not to contact you for several months (at least). Him ringing crying down the phone and then saying he cant be with you is only going to wreck you head.

+1

Op it is probable that your ex is ringing / texting because he feels guilty about breaking up. When an ex broke up with me he kept in contact saying he loves me, doesn't know what he wants but also that it is over, we will be friends, etc and I met him a few times after we broke but it was agonising until I put a stop to it. I said to him I could not be friends as my feelings were too strong and so I ended contact. I got the odd text of 'I miss you' but the words and the actions did not match up. If he had truly missed me he would have beat his way to my door and said lets try again instead of sending crappy texts. Look at the actions op, not the words. Do they match?

Mmmoments

Make sure you don't contact him OP..it'll make him realise he needs you...don't answer those questions. he shouldnt be asking them. he's keeping you hanging on even though he cant commit at the moment.

Miec...that's great advice for me too..I'm in a similar messed up state and you've made a world of sense to me. Thank you.

LegacyUser

miec wrote: »

+1

Op it is probable that your ex is ringing / texting because he feels guilty about breaking up. When an ex broke up with me he kept in contact saying he loves me, doesn't know what he wants but also that it is over, we will be friends, etc and I met him a few times after we broke but it was agonising until I put a stop to it. I said to him I could not be friends as my feelings were too strong and so I ended contact. I got the odd text of 'I miss you' but the words and the actions did not match up. If he had truly missed me he would have beat his way to my door and said lets try again instead of sending crappy texts. Look at the actions op, not the words. Do they match?

he said he is messed up about all of this and that he is ok one minute but sad the next and doesnt know what to think.


just no talk to him do you think?