Social workers called in by my ex...

LegacyUser

Hi, i am hoping someone out there can help me, my ex has accussed me of abusing our daughter, which is total bulls**t. I love my daughter very much and have never hurt her. my ex asked me to get back together with her and i said no, this is what happened after. she basically said my little girl told her that i was abusing her and that social workers were called. that was almost 2 months ago and they are finally starting ti meet with me next week and my little girl next week also. i am just wonderin if anyone knows how long these senarios can go on for, with xmas so close i am hoping it could be over by then so i can see my little girl.

Ickle Magoo

Moved from PI, think you'll get more advice here in parenting, OP.

All the best.

amiable

Don't worry, the authorities are very good at getting to the bottom of things.

Nevyn

It can depend on a whole range of factors one of which being how many Social workers there are in your area and what their case load is. I would suggest making an appointment with the head/lead social worker in your area and consider getting legal advice.

Once a report has been made about you under the child protection act it will stay active for 2 years even if after the investigation finds nothing, and even when the case is closed the report still remains on record.

hondasam

parents cannot help using their children as a weapon against each other when the relationship goes bad. Your ex is trying to hurt you and this is the only way she knows how that will make an impact on your life. Im sure you have tried talking to her but maby try again and talk to her family. The social workers will hear both sides and the will be fair with you. your ex should realise that involving social workers will mean alot of interviews with her as well.

Talk with a good family solicitor who will sort out other relevant matters such as visitation and access. good luck with it and dont be stressed it will all work it self out in the end.

January

hondasam wrote: »

parents cannot help using their children as a weapon against each other when the relationship goes bad. Your ex is trying to hurt you and this is the only way she knows how that will make an impact on your life. Im sure you have tried talking to her but maby try again and talk to her family. The social workers will hear both sides and the will be fair with you. your ex should realise that involving social workers will mean alot of interviews with her as well.

Talk with a good family solicitor who will sort out other relevant matters such as visitation and access. good luck with it and dont be stressed it will all work it self out in the end.

Yes they can, some just choose to do it because they're spiteful, bitter people using their children as pawn's in their evil games.

OP, I hope things go well for you, I'd look into getting a solicitor, I know no charges are being brought against you and you haven't yet spoken to the Garda but just to be on the safe side it may help you in the long run.

Cavehill Red

Expect it to last at least a year, OP.

This crap isn't pleasant, and is tacitly encouraged by the Irish family law system.

Make sure to adhere to whatever the courts and social **** workers order, no matter what it is.

And get a good family lawyer on your case. It seems your ex is intent on being a complete weapon.

mathepac

adrieanne__x wrote: »

Yes they can, some just choose to do it because they're spiteful, bitter people using their children as pawn's in their evil games. ....

+1

BengaLover

Ah, the classic old 'ill report you to a social worker to make your life hell' scenario...
I bet you will get some similar stories here OP!
Try not to see the Social Workers as the baddies, they are doing exactly what they are supposed to do, and your co operation and support will go in your favour.
Make them tea and give them Hob Nobs, and be honest about how you feel about them visiting.
Once you stay calm and collected, and they see your interaction with your kids and have done their investigations, they will see that you are not an abuser..

metrovelvet

Dont worry. They are well aware that their system gets abused in wars of attrition not just by spiteful parents, but my grandparents, inlaws and neighbors too.

I dont think it will take a year or anything like that. They have to investigate every and any complaint made to them and they will talk to you to see what's going on. Look at it as an opportunity to make a statement to them about what is going on with your ex so you have it on record and maybe they can arrange some family counselling for all of you to work through this battle together.

alex73

broken10 wrote: »

Hi, i am hoping someone out there can help me, my ex has accussed me of abusing our daughter, which is total bulls**t. I love my daughter very much and have never hurt her. my ex asked me to get back together with her and i said no, this is what happened after. she basically said my little girl told her that i was abusing her and that social workers were called. that was almost 2 months ago and they are finally starting ti meet with me next week and my little girl next week also. i am just wonderin if anyone knows how long these senarios can go on for, with xmas so close i am hoping it could be over by then so i can see my little girl.

You should try a build a platonic relationship with her, try get some common ground. To have accused you of abuse means she REALLY hates you.

Nevyn

alex73 wrote: »

You should try a build a platonic relationship with her, try get some common ground. To have accused you of abuse means she REALLY hates you.

With some people unfortunately it is their way or the high way and they won't compromise and the children suffer.

hondasam

hondasam wrote: »

parents cannot help using their children as a weapon against each other when the relationship goes bad. Your ex is trying to hurt you and this is the only way she knows how that will make an impact on your life. Im sure you have tried talking to her but maby try again and talk to her family. The social workers will hear both sides and the will be fair with you. your ex should realise that involving social workers will mean alot of interviews with her as well.

Talk with a good family solicitor who will sort out other relevant matters such as visitation and access. good luck with it and dont be stressed it will all work it self out in the end.

adrieanne__x wrote: »

Yes they can, some just choose to do it because they're spiteful, bitter people using their children as pawn's in their evil games.

OP, I hope things go well for you, I'd look into getting a solicitor, I know no charges are being brought against you and you haven't yet spoken to the Garda but just to be on the safe side it may help you in the long run.

Perhaps I should have said some parents who are spiteful seem to use their children for there own vindictive reasons.

smelltheglove

As they say there is a fine line between love and hate, the fact that she is being spiteful and bitter means there are still some feelings there, obviously she thinks this is the only way to deal with them.

The social workers are doing their job, if the report was made and not investigated it would be worrying. I am sure they will see the truth easy enough, most likely they deal with this stuff often enough.

I have a friend going through similar, her ex is doing everything he can to cause trouble, in fact she is handling it extremely well, saying all she wants is for her kids to be happy and him to stop messing with their heads. Even the social worker recommended she take something to help er depression whereas she said she had no issue with depression, she was just extremely sad for her kids. It is unfortunate that some parents feel the need to resprt to things like this, like they want their ex to feel worse than them but lets be honest, if there was any sanity there they would be well aware that there would be no going back from something like this.

Best of luck to you op, I would hope it all gets sorted before Christmas for your daughters sake.

LegacyUser

hi thanks to everyone for their replies, i am glad tht social workers are doing their jobs and absolutely hate what my ex has done to me, my little girl and my family. it took 5-6weeks and now they are startin to meet my girl this week and i am been brought in next week. i feel so helpless, i have spoken to my solicitor who recommended that i just co--operate with them, tell the truth and everythin i know about my ex and not to push them. its weeks from xmas and i doubt it will be sorted before then. i wish it is but i have a feeling that with my luck this will drag for months. this isnt the first time me and my ex have had rows but this is just gone beyond the joke, i didnt realise people can be so cruel, i just want my daughter back and all i really want is for her to be happy, which she clearly is not as the social rang me today to get me to phone her as she is veryupset in school. this is so unfair. :-(

wolfpawnat

I love some peoples rational, I want to get back with him but he said no, so I will do something to case them to loath the ground they walk on!

Children are the perfect pawns in these games, to a good parent, there is no greater form of torture, than seeing their child being used to hurt them!

OP, talk to a solicitor, seriously you need to have the paper-trail to prove you are both aiding in the Social Services and yourself! Keep note of everything to do with the situation so then you know whats going on!

Good Luck, and hopefully Karma will get the cow!

rolly1

broken10 wrote: »

hi thanks to everyone for their replies, i am glad tht social workers are doing their jobs and absolutely hate what my ex has done to me, my little girl and my family. it took 5-6weeks and now they are startin to meet my girl this week and i am been brought in next week. i feel so helpless, i have spoken to my solicitor who recommended that i just co--operate with them, tell the truth and everythin i know about my ex and not to push them. its weeks from xmas and i doubt it will be sorted before then. i wish it is but i have a feeling that with my luck this will drag for months. this isnt the first time me and my ex have had rows but this is just gone beyond the joke, i didnt realise people can be so cruel, i just want my daughter back and all i really want is for her to be happy, which she clearly is not as the social rang me today to get me to phone her as she is veryupset in school. this is so unfair. :-(

Based on what you have said so far, your solicitor seems to be very slow off the mark in terms of getting your access sorted through court. Is there a good reason for this other than "not to push them"? Why the hell shouldn't you push them if, as you say, you are completely innocent? A Judge could also think you are not too bothered about seeing your daughter if you are delaying on getting it to court. Your daughter is obviously suffering as a result of not seeing you, along with yourself; ye are the only people being pushed!

My non-professional opinion is as follows:

Your solictor should have a notice of application for access already lodged with the court office at this stage, its the only way of speeding this bs up.
When a court date is set it tends to focus minds all round, including social workers, to get it dealt with more urgently. After you have the interview with the sw and they realise its just malicious bs from your ex, you can then call them as an expert witness in the access court hearing.

Court sitting days can be found here:

It takes something like 21 days notice to get it into district court, instruct your solictor to get the hearing in before Christmas, or you and your daughter are snookered till next year.

Have a look at this for brief information on question's to ask your solictor.

This is an extremely testing, stressful and tough time for you, your daughter and your family. It may also be wise to seek some form of counseling to help you through this nightmare, as its obviously an issue that you cannot/should not share with many people. If this is not an option then one of the many male support groups would also be worth contacting. I would recommend AMEN, they also have an out of hours confidential phone line.

You have got to start pushing, pushing as hard as you bloody well can in my humble opinion mate. Never let things drift.

Good Luck,
R

LegacyUser

thanks every1.
rolly, i am completely innocent, i would never ever hurt my child. i have been to my solicitor twice and she basically advised me not to try and push the social workers as this can sometimes look like you have something to hide which i dont. i am so out of my dept as this is all so new to me that i honestly dont know what to do. my solicitor reckons that its best for me to just allow the social to do their job, co-operate fully and honestly and then sort the access situation. my solicitor has a record of every thing that i have told her. i am starting to compile a list of things that my ex has done as i have been advised to do this also.
if i am honest i am struggling i dread the thought of xmas, all i want for xmas is my little girl back. i wish i knew the answers and how to sort this mess but i dont. the only time i was in trouble for anything was a speeding ticket. everyone i talk to for advise tells me something different i really am at my wits end.

Klingon Hamlet

I have to agree with the previous post. Push hard and fast---you love your daughter, you're doing this for her.

rolly1

Broken10,

Apart from having to deal with the disgusting allegations against you this crap is stopping your daughter from seeing you and you from seeing your daughter.

Have the social workers stated that access to your daughter be stopped for the last two months? Unless they have said so, preferably in writing, then you have every right and absolute duty to your daughter to get that access reinstated immediately.
You said you are meeting with them next week. Make it known to them that you are missing your daughter and vice versa. Pushing for court ordered access is letting everybody know you & your daughter are the ones being screwed around; it would be invaluable to have a date for a court hearing before this meeting to let them know you are serious. Remember it will be at minimum 3 weeks before you can bring it to court if you put the application in tomorrow.

Getting your access sorted in court does not interfere with their work whatsoever, you still cooperate and be honest etc.etc. these people are only doing their job. But a court date will help focus them to do it quicker and speed the day when your daughter gets to see you again. They will not see it as pushing them, these people are professionals they'll just put your case further to the top of their pile if they know there is an urgent court hearing pending. It's just common sense.


Allegations such as these are unfortunately common. You need to get in contact with a male support group asap, as they will have come across your scenario many, many times. They have experience on how best to deal with these situations and can give you third party independent opinion along with moral support through these dark times. I'd strongly recommend to pick up the phone to one today. People here, including myself, can only do their best in a very limited medium such as a discussion board, but talking to another experienced person is hell of a lot better.

Good Luck
R