How To Blag A Week Off Work

d.anthony

Alright lads, here's my predicament...

I've recently started a new job over here in the UK, badly needed, been skint for a while, and manager recently stated that under no circumstances is anyone allowed time off over Xmas or New Year (understandable as it's in a supermarket).

My problem is, back in Ireland, I have my grandfathers 90th party on the 27th Dec, My cousins 21st on the 29th and my girlfriends 21st on the 1st Jan (I know, crazy time to have it), never mind the fact that I face being away from home for the festivities. Now obviously my absence is going to be noticable at all three should I not turn up, and may even end up with my GF giving me the boot

So After Hours, does anyone have any crazy and/or genius excuses that would get me that week off without being sacked? Anyone been in a similar position and pulled it off?

Don't wanna go down the old 'my granny died' route so any help is greatly welcomed guys!:D

Wolfe Tone

Pretend that instead of going to parties you are going to funerals.

I-Shot-Jr

Get a watermelon, some superglue and a hammer....

And meet Keenan at the zoo.

But I would just use the extenuating personal circumstances card. You usually only get one or two per job. Now seems like the time to use it.

alwaysadub

A week? Jaysus you don't ask for much do ya
Fall off a shelf in work-make sure someone sees it happening to make it look more credible-and give yourself a bit of concussion. You might not remember being at the parties, but that doesn't matter. :pac:

Irish Wolf

Step in front of a train/tram/bus.

Week - lol

d.anthony

I-Shot-Jr wrote: »

But I would just use the extenuating personal circumstances card. You usually only get one or two per job. Now seems like the time to use it.

What's this?

d.anthony

alwaysadub wrote: »

A week? Jaysus you don't ask for much do ya

Well, the parties range from 27th Dec to 1st Jan, I can hardly go back and forth 3 times!

ToniTuddle

alwaysadub wrote: »

A week? Jaysus you don't ask for much do ya
Fall off a shelf in work-make sure someone sees it happening to make it look more credible-and give yourself a bit of concussion. You might not remember being at the parties, but that doesn't matter. :pac:

I second this self-harming carry on to get out of work.
They won't want you to sue them.
Say the doctors orders are that you stay off work a week....hey make it two for the craic!

Make sure no workmates are on your facebook friend list....otherwise they will see all your party photos and then shop you to the boss.
If you are friends with any of them....DELETE....for awhile :pac::pac::pac:

fonecrusher1

Boss, i got the aids, its real bad, might last at least a week. Then hang up.

Einhard

d.anthony wrote: »

Don't wanna go down the old 'my granny died' route so any help is greatly welcomed guys!:D

Kill your granny. Won't be a BS excuse then.



You're welcome.



(Oh, but then you'd probably need to wrangle time off for the funeral. Hmmmm....)

Einhard

fonecrusher1 wrote: »

Boss, i got the aids, its real bad, might last at least a week. Then hang up.

I got these cheeeeeeseburgers man....

PanchoVilla

Just quit your job. If you'd rather be at parties than work then you must not need the money that badly. Welcome to the wonderful world of grownups, where you're expected to make your own decisions and be responsible for the consequences of those decisions.

starbelgrade

So the OP moves to England to get a "badly needed" job. Wants time off to spend a week off partying.

And people still wonder where the expression "Lazy Drunken Paddy" comes from?

OK.

How about you just tell them why you want a week off?

d.anthony

ToniTuddle wrote: »

Make sure no workmates are on your facebook friend list....otherwise they will see all your party photos and then shop you to the boss.
If you are friends with any of them....DELETE....for awhile :pac::pac::pac:

Waaaay ahead of ya, in anticipation I might need to do this when I took the job I told them I don't have a facebook and set it so that I can't be searched for:D

ToniTuddle

d.anthony wrote: »

Waaaay ahead of ya, in anticipation I might need to do this when I took the job I told them I don't have a facebook and set it so that I can't be searched for:D

Good boy!!! See us Donegal ones are smart!

That whole search being off thing is while handy :pac:

d.anthony

starbelgrade wrote: »

So the OP moves to England to get a "badly needed" job. Wants time off to spend a week off partying.

And people still wonder where the expression "Lazy Drunken Paddy" comes from?

OK.

How about you just tell them why you want a week off?

I don't drink. And I wouldn't exactly call it partying, it's my Grandads 90th, my cousins (who's like a brother to me) 21st, and my girlfriends 21st, who I've been with for 4 years.

I feel like I should be at them.

starbelgrade

d.anthony wrote: »

I don't drink. And I wouldn't exactly call it partying, it's my Grandads 90th, my cousins (who's like a brother to me) 21st, and my girlfriends 21st, who I've been with for 4 years.

I feel like I should be at them.

Then you have a choice.

Either you man up & tell your boss, or you pussyfoot around the situation & come up with some bullshit excuse that in all likelyhood, they won't believe.

Sharpshooter

You have lots of time between now and then OP.

Start sniffling near the time..gradually get worse, call in saying you are sick and that your 90 year old grandfather is looking after you.

You are not only sick but you also have the worry of your grandad doing his best to make sure you are alright.

He insists on staying with you, but he is more a hindrance than a help?

You are exhausted looking after him when he is trying to look after you.

You really aren't up to it.

Then you have to con your doctor for a sick note.
How good are your acting abilities.?

OutlawPete

d.anthony wrote: »

Anyone been in a similar position and pulled it off?

Yes, but turns out they had CCTV pointed at the staff and I got rumbled.

Anyway, just tell them you have to go home to have a small operation that was supposed to be next summer, but someone canceled their op and now you have been offered their date now.

Say it's a circumcision or something so they will be so embarrassed, they won't ask many questions.

d.anthony

Then you have a choice.

Either you man up & tell your boss, or you pussyfoot around the situation & come up with some bull**** excuse that in all likelyhood, they won't believe.

I don't have a choice, if I asked the boss the answer would be no. I also mentioned in two interviews before I got this job that I needed that time off and was told that it wasn't possible.

Sharpshooter wrote: »

You have lots of time between now and then OP.

Start sniffling near the time..gradually get worse, call in saying you are sick and that your 90 year old grandfather is looking after you.

You are not only sick but you also have the worry of your grandad doing his best to make sure you are alright.

He insists on staying with you, but he is more a hindrance than a help?

You are exhausted looking after him when he is trying to look after you.

You really aren't up to it.

Then you have to con your doctor for a sick note.
How good are your acting abilities.?

Awful. But my doctor's a pushover come to think of it:D

starbelgrade

I work for myself now... but in all the years I spent working for others, I only pulled a sickie twice.

The first one lasted two weeks & the second one lasted 6 months.

Then again, I did have AIDS.

Good AIDS obviously, cos I managed to go back to work.

Sharpshooter

starbelgrade wrote: »

I work for myself now... but in all the years I spent working for others, I only pulled a sickie twice.

The first one lasted two weeks & the second one lasted 6 months.

Then again, I did have AIDS.

Good AIDS obviously, cos I managed to go back to work.

Good for you, you are ahead of the OP seeing as he is asking for the first time.

d.anthony

starbelgrade wrote: »

I work for myself now... but in all the years I spent working for others, I only pulled a sickie twice.

The first one lasted two weeks & the second one lasted 6 months.

Then again, I did have AIDS.

Good AIDS obviously, cos I managed to go back to work.

In 4 years of full-time work, the only time I've ever taken time off is when my uncle died, hence why I need peoples help, I've never had to lie to a boss and need to be convincing:)

krudler

Doctor, sick note, bam, week off.

Yes its that easy. Say you're stressed or you're dying with the flu

starbelgrade

Sharpshooter wrote: »

Good for you, you are ahead of the OP seeing as he is asking for the first time.

Thanks for making me feel old feel my age! Or just pulling me up on that.

I've pulled more sickies than I care to mention. Just tell them any oul sh*te. If they don't fall for it, then f*ck it. A job is just a job when it comes down to it.

You're only young once. Don't worry & be happy.

Sharpshooter

starbelgrade wrote: »

A job is just a job when it comes down to it.

Too right, family comes first.

alwaysadub

You told them at the interview that you needed them dates off? Twice?!
Do ya not think they might find it a tad coincidental that you're off on them dates?

You need to be vague about these things!

d.anthony

alwaysadub wrote: »

You told them at the interview that you needed them dates off? Twice?!
Do ya not think they might find it a tad coincidental that you're off on them dates?

You need to be vague about these things!

No, no, sorry, shoulda made that clear, it was interviews for different jobs! They both told me they wouldn't take me on if I needed that time off so that's why I withheld that information this time around!

TheDoc

Grab an arse in the office

Should give you TWO weeks off for pending investagation

Agricola

TheDoc wrote: »

Grab an arse in the office

Should give you TWO weeks off for pending investagation

Yeah good idea. Go for Colin in accounts. Make it 3 weeks!

bnt

Like it or not, the new guy in the office is typically going to be the one who gets to be there while all the "old hands" are off partying. One of the perks of seniority that you don't have yet. Them's the breaks.

ShadowGal

go to the doc and say you've pulled a muscle in your back, he'll probably examine you and give you some tablets to relax the muscles, ring your boss then to tell him, you'll have your week off and probably be high as a kite from the meds :pac:

or maybe just dump the meds ..or like..whatever "cough"

weiland79

Many moons ago i pulled a sicky from work to go to Feile in Thurles.

Got caught.

How did i get caught? Well my picture on the front page of the Sunday Independant dancing like a madman didn't help my case.
Especially since my excuse for being unable to work was that i had torn ligaments in my knee.


I was sacked.:eek:

Paparazzo

PanchoVilla wrote: »

Just quit your job. If you'd rather be at parties than work then you must not need the money that badly. Welcome to the wonderful world of grownups, where you're expected to make your own decisions and be responsible for the consequences of those decisions.

Weaseling out of things is what separates us from other animals. Except for the weasel. I vote for falling off a shelf.

Lord Trollington

weiland79 wrote: »

Many moons ago i pulled a sicky from work to go to Feile in Thurles.

Got caught.

How did i get caught? Well my picture on the front page of the Sunday Independant dancing like a madman didn't help my case.
Especially since my excuse for being unable to work was that i had torn ligaments in my knee.


I was sacked.:eek:

How did they prove it was you? Everyone has a double walking the earth..

Just last week my mrs seen my double getting a bj at the back of a hotel hosting a wedding we just happened to be at, what are the chances in that....

Agricola

Does this stress business actually work for people? I know one or two people who've just wanted a week off, went to the Doc, fed him a line about being stressed at work and boom, cert was handed to them!

I couldnt bring myself to do it.... no matter how much I want to!

hondasam

d.anthony wrote: »

Alright lads, here's my predicament...

I've recently started a new job over here in the UK, badly needed, been skint for a while, and manager recently stated that under no circumstances is anyone allowed time off over Xmas or New Year (understandable as it's in a supermarket).

My problem is, back in Ireland, I have my grandfathers 90th party on the 27th Dec, My cousins 21st on the 29th and my girlfriends 21st on the 1st Jan (I know, crazy time to have it), never mind the fact that I face being away from home for the festivities. Now obviously my absence is going to be noticable at all three should I not turn up, and may even end up with my GF giving me the boot

So After Hours, does anyone have any crazy and/or genius excuses that would get me that week off without being sacked? Anyone been in a similar position and pulled it off?

Don't wanna go down the old 'my granny died' route so any help is greatly welcomed guys!:D

you knew about all these events before you took the job, honesty is always the best policy because you will get found out. explain your reasons to your boss and he might let you pick one of the days, unless he is totally unreasonable. If you go the route of sick note he will never in a million years believe you and when it comes the time to return to work you will not have the nerve to face him. Maby over the holidays have a think about the job and figure out if it really is worth it.

Oranage2

once asked for time off - boss said no - So the week i needed off I picked up a mysterious golfing injury and also got a doctors note - Boss was pissed and when i got back he had me doing every sh!t job possible for atleast a month.

Jax Teller

Do you not get Xmas holidays.? I know I won't be working from the 23 dec till the 3 jan

mahamageehad

keysersoze_88 wrote: »

Do you not get Xmas holidays.? I know I won't be working from the 23 dec till the 3 jan

not in a supermarket that's usually the busiest time! In the supermarket i used to work in the only days off in the whole year were christmas day and stephens day