Friends with my ex but want him back

LegacyUser

I just need to get this out there and maybe someone could give me another view on this and or some advice.

My LDR broke up last year. We had been together for 4 years but knew each other for 6 years. We were friends before we went out and became friends again a number of months after the break up. It was a bad break up and I did all the things one is not supposed to, ringing, text messages. He moved on pretty quick after the break up and has had a couple of girlfriends but nothing of any consequence. It did hurt me as I still loved him despite the hurt and the way the break up happened and what I went through after.

He has somewhat disappeared off my radar, even though we are friends, we don't talk like we used to when we were friends first before dating. It was about any and everything, now its just, 'what's the weather like where you are?' type thing....boring in my opinion. I don't know what or how I can change things to make things better. I will be honest in saying that I would like us to try again and see how things work out. But I am afraid of putting the question out there and being vulnerable all over again with my feelings. I love him very much and still think of him everyday, but I don't interfere in his life or ring him or text him everyday, but if I leave communicating, he always texts if I am ok and that I have been very quiet. He hasn't rung me much at all mostly just texts or chat online.

I do want him back but I don't know if I should act upon my feelings or leave it.

What should I do?

ZAMMY

I'd say leave it. From reading this it's fairly clear to me that he doesn't want to pursue a relationship with you anymore, he seems to have moved on and it's healthiest if you do the same now. No point dwelling on the past when he's been seeing other girls. I imagine he's staying in contact out of guilt/friendship, he's afraid he's hurt you so he keeps in touch to make sure you're okay, but not because he's in love, just because he cares as a friend.

I'm sure you know what you need to do; stop being in contact with him until you are over him. It's not healthy. It's the reason you're not moving on. You can't move on if you still hear from the person you're in love with, however infrequent that contact may be. You need to cut your strings, and forget about him, focus on yourself or someone else for a while..

Good luck!

Princess Peach

I started a thread of basically the same question a while ago! The advice I got was that if he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. I did the bad thing of contacting my ex and we got back together for a little bit, and I ended up just getting hurt all over again. If you ask him to get back together, and he says no, I'm just afraid that you will go back to square one after your break up, as I did.

Its taking you longer to get over the break up, which is fine, everyone is different. I have often wanted to get back with my ex, but the main point here is that he doesn't want to get back with you. I just don't want you to put yourself out there and get shot down, like I did!

LegacyUser

Hi Op here,

Thanks for your replies. I appreciate it.

I guess I am hoping for a bit too much and for him to maybe say yes, that he might want to give us a try again but sometimes he seems to give me a bit of hope and then its dashed with something else. I will stay on the path of friendship with him and see where it goes, I am for the most part, ok with this, but I know I will always be hoping for more, and its the more that will either happen or not. I just miss him so much and he has told me similar. I will stay with the friendship as it is a place to start and who knows whats around the corner.

I am keeping busy, and doing things and go out with friends. I just hope that in time that things will turn around.

Thanks again guys for your advice

I am a friend

Staying friends with him is only prolonging this for you. If I were you, in order to get over him, I would be phasing him out of my life...