curious/missing him

LegacyUser

have called it a day with longterm bf/recent fiance, as he wanted to have an equally longterm engagement, despite having discussed a 2-3year one prior to& immed after getting engaged.
he said he does want to get married, but i feel if he "isn't ready" now, after years of dating, there's a strong chance he still won't be in the future either.
is there any point even contacting him again? it's been a week and he hasn't contacted me...does this tell me all i need to know, or could he be mulling it over...

Exclamation Marc

icantgettosleep wrote: »

have called it a day with longterm bf/recent fiance, as he wanted to have an equally longterm engagement, despite having discussed a 2-3year one prior to& immed after getting engaged.
he said he does want to get married, but i feel if he "isn't ready" now, after years of dating, there's a strong chance he still won't be in the future either.
is there any point even contacting him again? it's been a week and he hasn't contacted me...does this tell me all i need to know, or could he be mulling it over...

I don't know if its me and that I'm tired but I'm finding it hard to work out the situation. What I gather is;

You've broken up with fiancé as you want a shorter term engagement than he does. You feel he "isn't ready" for marriage and that he won't be in the future. And you're wondering about what to do a week later?

If this is the situation why would you want to contact him again? If you feel he isn't ready and he hasn't argued that he is, then he's not ready. If after a week he suddenly becomes ready after mulling it over then I'd say he's ready for all the wrong reasons and probably feels backed into a corner.

He probably hasn't contacted you within the last week as he's heartbroken that the engagement has been broken off and is respecting your wishes that you didn't want to be together.

You have to decide whether you want to be with him long term or not as its not fair to hinge the relationship and give him an ultimatum (post break-up) that you need to be wed within 2-3 years as that is enormous pressure.

Gyalist

icantgettosleep wrote: »

have called it a day with longterm bf/recent fiance, as he wanted to have an equally longterm engagement, despite having discussed a 2-3year one prior to& immed after getting engaged.
he said he does want to get married, but i feel if he "isn't ready" now, after years of dating, there's a strong chance he still won't be in the future either.
is there any point even contacting him again? it's been a week and he hasn't contacted me...does this tell me all i need to know, or could he be mulling it over...

How long had you been dating?

Don't contact him. The ball is in his court and even though you may now feel that you were a bit hasty with your decision, if you go back on your word you will be in a worse position. It's normal to doubt yourself after a long-term relationship has ended but it gets easier with every day that passes.

fungun

If I understand you correctly that you want to get married in a year and he wants 2-3 years then I have to say thats an odd thing to break up over. And even if he wants a longer engagement I still think that.

If you are living together and happy then I dont see what difference a marriage makes.....the real point is whether you think he is committed. If by 'not ready to get married' you have a worry he is not committed to you then forcing the marriage thing doesnt really help either. Or do you feel he still wants to travel and may not want you along or sth?

Whats really at the bottom of this?

Beruthiel

icantgettosleep wrote: »

have called it a day with longterm bf/recent fiance, as he wanted to have an equally longterm engagement, despite having discussed a 2-3year one prior to& immed after getting engaged.
he said he does want to get married, but i feel if he "isn't ready" now, after years of dating, there's a strong chance he still won't be in the future either.
is there any point even contacting him again? it's been a week and he hasn't contacted me...does this tell me all i need to know, or could he be mulling it over...

Have I got this right?
He wants a longer engagement than you and you finished with him because of that?
But, you were only calling his bluff and expect him to come crawling back?

Sorry, but I find that highly immature game playing.
If you are not happy with how things are in a relationship, you discuss it.
You come to a compromise.
If a compromise cannot be reached and ye are so far apart in your expectations of the relationship, then, and only then, do you finish with them. And mean it.

Now, if you love and wish to spend your life with this man, call him up and say so.
If you are not happy with his response, finish with him and mean it this time.

Chicago Chick

Again not sure if I am reading this correctly like the posters above but would I be right in thinking:

You discussed getting engaged and talk about being engaged for 2-3 years before getting married. You are together considerably longer than this and now you boyfriend/fiance is saying he does not want to get married in 2-3 years as he does not think he will be ready but wants to wait longer than that? If so are you worried that if you wait around for another number of years and he changes his mind that you will be left trying to start over much older than you are now?

If I am correct (not sure I am) with the above then you really need to have a serious talk with him to see what is holding him back after all these years together. Also I don't mean to be nosey but are you both still quite young as this could be influencing his decision.