Did sister cross the line?

Ifeelbetrayed

Going unreg for this.
A while back when I was out and there were other family members present , I got very drunk and made a show of myself. Cannot actually remember much of it and am very ashamed of myself. I really let myself down. But that’s another story. Anyway, when I finally surfaced the next day it turned out that my older sister had called my husband and told all. Now what I’m wondering is this: was this the action of a caring concerned sister, or was it back-stabbing tattling cloaked in a veneer of concern. Did she cross a huge line here? Is it acceptable for a sister to do this and ‘tell on you’?

LegacyUser

Why the big secret? Surely your husband has seen you drunk before& it's not that big a deal?
Depends on what you mean by "made a show of yourself"- if this means hitting on other guys, getting into comprimising situations, telling your surrounding family/friends intimate details about your marriage/husband, ect ect.... then MAYBE your sister was nipping any potential trouble in the bud. Or maybe she called him to bring you home& stop ruining their night out babysitting you/embarassing them?

tinkerbell

I don't think your sister was a back stabber. You got drunk, made a mess of yourself, I assume she was concerned about you and wanted to alert your husband to the situation. Perhaps she thinks you have a problem with drink and wanted your husband to be able to help you or something, I don't know. I don't think it's bad though that she told your husband. I think it's you who is being a bit of a drama queen - you were the one who made a show of yourself, now suck it up and accept responsibility for your actions. And when people make a show of themselves, other people talk about them. Maybe it's a wake up call for you - next time don't drink as much.

seamus

Sounds like you've made up your mind already.

No, I wouldn't have any problem with someone telling tales about the silly stuff I did when drunk so long as it's kept within the family.

You're an adult, not a child. How is telling your husband this information "telling on you"?

thefeatheredcat

Erm, yeah it does sound like you're looking for confirmation of what you're already thinking....

Assuming that your older sister rang and was calm, concerned and checking how you were, I would take that to be an action of a caring concerned sister.

Assuming that your older sister rang and was shouting down the phone, making accusations, telling off your husband for you embarrassing the family, herself, him and yourself, I think that would be not so caring a sister.

Now assuming that in making a holy show of yourself in just getting a bit drunk, falling all over the place, throwing up, acting silly or out of it, or taking drugs, and your sister only informing your husband of these things out of concern, then I think you're lucky to have a sister that looks out for you and extends that to checking up on you the next day and making sure you're ok and looked after.

If it's the case that in making a show of yourself was something other than that, for example, cheating on your husband or situations like that, it would be out of order in that case to inform your husband of such details without giving you the chance to speak to him regarding it, although I would doubt it was that especially in front of family members.

I think perhaps you should have a chat with your sister on this matter and get some reassurance from her on it?

LegacyUser

Your husband is not the enemy here, he is your husband& part of your family. Your sister has her own family to contend with- you can't expect her to deal with your escapades! Hence why she phoned your husband, you and he are a team& the primary unit. It should not be an issue that she lets him know whatever happened. From your post, I seriously doubt you would have taken any of her advice anyway. And chill out! Everyone gets drunk, would you not be more concerned about all the randomers/acquaintances that saw you, as apposed to your own husband hearing of it?

LighterGuy

Ifeelbetrayed wrote: »

.... I got very drunk and made a show of myself. Cannot actually remember much of it and am very ashamed of myself. I really let myself down. But that’s another story >>> Anyway, when I finally surfaced the next day it turned out that my older sister had called my husband and told all.

Your story reeks of leaving something out.
You say you were drunk and cannot remember. But even if that was the case you would of heard from the husband the next day.

This sounds like a justification thread. To feel justified in the way you want to but at the same time leaving out the facts.

Overheal

Called your husband and told him what? That you had some adult beverages?

Beruthiel

Ifeelbetrayed wrote: »

Is it acceptable for a sister to do this and ‘tell on you’?

'Tell on you'?
Are you hiding your drinking antics from him?
What is your reason for not wanting your husband to know?
You are responsible for your own actions, people will talk about that.
So you either don't give a toss and carry on as you wish.
On the other hand, if you care what people think, then you don't drink that much.
Either way, put the blame where it lies, on your own door step, not your sisters.

dolphin city

you don't mention what exactly you did - even if you cant remember, surely your family who was there can let you know what you did, or your husband. so you are only telling us a bit of the story there.

Maybe your sister called your husband because she was upset if you were ruining their night with your antics.

and I think you only have a problem with your sister, because you know you acted disrespectfully probably,and you want to transfer the "blame" onto your sister and make her the bad one for calling your husband, to ease your guilt for what you did.

thats how I see it.

Big Bag of Chips

No.. you crossed the line, by getting so drunk you made a show of yourself!

You embarrassed yourself and just want to forget about it.. the fact that "people were talking" about you, is making you more embarrassed.
Your sister didn't do anything wrong, apart from further embarrass you! Unless of course you have more issues with your sister than just this one instance?

You say it happened a while back... forget it.. everyone else has! (Unless of course you did something really disgraceful and embarrassing to your husband and family? Lack of any real detail makes it hard to advise)

astra2000

Hi op without a bit more info its really impossible to tell if your sister was acting in your best interests or not.
If your sister rang the next morning was she checking to see how you were and the story came out that way? If your sister and you have a good relationship and she wouldnt normally do things to get at you I would take what happened as concern and let it go.
Do you actually have a problem with your husband knowing what happened? If so why?

Ifeelbetrayed

OP here. Yes, on a visceral level I felt betrayed, rightly or wrongly, and the reason for posting was I began to question myself as to whether I was doing her an injustice - so everyone, thank you for the reality check. On the night in question I had an argument with someone and said some offensive things - nothing to do with family, husband or anything like that. My sister and husband are not close and do not see each other very often, we live in different towns. I was completely shocked when I was told about her call. I don’t have a problem with my husband knowing apart obviously from feeling embarrassed but as you all said it was my own behaviour that caused and I completely own that. With regards to my sister, I’m just not sure. She knew I had got home alright etc and I just felt that she could have tackled me about my behaviour directly without involving my husband, hence the feeling that she ’told on me’. I didn’t see any need to involve him. If I am being a drama queen, well I will have to work on that and give my sister the benefit of the doubt, but personally I wouldn’t drop a sibling in it with their other half. I get on okay with my sister, she can be a bit controlling and judgmental however and I don’t confide in her at all for the last few years as she betrayed a confidence and it got back to the person concerned. On the other hand she is kind and generous. People are so complicated! Thanks everyone.

if it was me, i wouldnt "tell" on my younger sister, i wouldnt consider it my business, unless it was a chronic problem and cause for concern and if it was i would tackle the sister directly. i dont think it was any of the sisters business, sounds disloyal to me.

Chicago Chick

Deleted User wrote: »

if it was me, i wouldnt "tell" on my younger sister, i wouldnt consider it my business, unless it was a chronic problem and cause for concern and if it was i would tackle the sister directly. i dont think it was any of the sisters business, sounds disloyal to me.

Have to say I agree with this. I know it seems to go against the general consensus on this issue but I really do not see what business it was of your sisters and why she felt the need to ring your husband. I personal would tell my husband everything that happened on any night out but that is up to me to do, not my family.

kc66

If she is anything like a certain sister-in-law I know, she is jealous of you and will do anything to put you down. May not be relevant to your case but I've seen it myself.

Ifeelbetrayed

It has reared its head on occasion, whether it played into this is difficult to say.

To earlier posters: I am in no way trying to justify my own behaviour. I accept complete responsibility for it and still cringe when I think about it today. I have stopped drinking alcohol. What I am doing is questioning my sister’s motives in taking the action that she did. She would have been totally justified in ringing ME up and tearing strips off me and I wish she had.

astra2000

Hi again you could keep on trying to second guess your sisters actions and never get an answer. If it bothering you a lot why dont you just ask her there is no need to enter into an arguement about it. From what you have said regarding her been controlling it is probably her way of making sure you dont behave like that again. I wouldnt dwell on it to be honest, you know youve behaved badly your embarressed by it and you have no intention of acting like that again.

dolphin city

you need to get over it now and move on - okay, she did it, you did something while you were drunk and she reacted. Move on and remember if you don't want this to happen again, do not drink when your sister is there. Learn from you mistake.