Getting over summer gf

LegacyUser

Hey so as the title suggests I'm having a hard time letting go.

In summary for those who don't want to read the whole thing:

Met a girl this summer and fell for her big time. I didn't realise how much I cared for her until it was too late. We still keep in touch via email, facebook etc.. but this isn't enough for me. I want more from her but I can't. We both live in different countries - she lives in Moldova (not even in the EU) - and we're too young for a long distance I think (I'm 20, she's 19).
I can't stop thinking about her and I would do anything to see her again. At the same time I want her to be happy and see other people closer to her even though the thought of that kills me inside.


Full Story:

I met a girl while away in New York this summer and one thing led to another and we started seeing each other. I don't know why I let myself get so close to her - I knew we were both leaving at the end of the summer and it's unlikely that we would see each other again. We talked about continuing it after the holiday and she didn't want to. I can't say I blame her, I didn't want to at the time either. It's too far and we're too young I think. She lives in Moldova, I live in Cork. We decided to keep in contact afterwards and we did plan to visit next summer at some stage.

It's been nearly 3 months since I saw her last and every time I think I'm "over" her, I get a huge ache in my heart for her. I miss her so much sometimes it's almost unbearable. I never realised how much she meant to me until I left America. I think I was falling in love with her.

I want nothing more than to see her again and tell her how much she means to me but I don't know if this is a good idea. I mean I'll probably see her for a week or two at most and then what? I'll come home with a broken heart yet again and it'll be back to square one. I was thinking of suggesting we spend next summer together doing something similar but I don't know if this is a good idea. On the one hand, I have nothing to lose if she says no. On the other, a lot can happen between now and then... maybe neither of us will want to then.

We email each other every week or so and I have to admit I really look forward to talking to her but I want more. However, I get the impression that she is sort of drifting apart. I know this is just as hard for her as it is for me but I can't help but feel that she's coping better than I am. Maybe I'm wrong, it's hard to deduce how someone is feeling from messages sent sometimes.

I should probably say that I'm 20 and she's 19 and that she's the 1st girl I've had any form of relationship with. I know that I'm going to get responses like "you're only young and you'll find someone else" or "how do you know she's the one if you haven't met anyone else" or "you were on holidays, it won't be the same when you're home" etc... and I can agree with that reasoning but I can't accept it. Not yet anyway. She's the only girl I want to be with right now. I can't stop thinking about her every hour of every day. I compare everyone I meet to her and every time she wipes the floor with them.

I miss her so much it hurts, even writing this has brought more feelings to the fore. I can't see myself ever forgetting about her or not missing her as much as I do now. I would do anything to be with her now but I feel if I tell her this I'll lose her forever. I would do anything to go back in time and tell her how much she means to me, how amazing and beautiful she is. I feel I didn't tell her that enough. It feels as if she doesn't know how strongly I feel for her. I think I was too afraid to tell her sometimes, I don't know why but I definitely didn't say it as much as I should have. I want to tell her though. I want her to know.

It's funny because on top of all this, I want her to get over me. I want her to date other people and be happy. I don't want her to be feeling the way I am now but if I was to see her with another guy it would crush me.

It feels like it hasn't ended sometimes, that this is just temporary even though it's not true. I would almost rather that we had a huge argument and broke up as opposed to this, this lack of closure I suppose. It's unbearable, but so is the thought of losing her from my life.

LegacyUser

Funny I forgot to ask what I wanted:)

I'd like to get some feedback from other members who are/have been in a similar situation to the one I'm in now. There are days when I feel like I'm fine and I'll be alright soon (like now) and then there are other days where I think I'll die if I don't see her again.

Realistically speaking, I'm going to have to let her go. There are too many factors against this succeeding, it's not a movie. However this also feels like a defeatist attitude. I'd much rather try and fail than let her go and regret it for the rest of my life. How do I tell her this though? Any time I try to tell her how I feel I always freeze up and bottle it.

I don't want to cut her out forever. A part of me always says "you never know what might happen in the future" but I don't know whether this is the correct attitude to have. I don't want to hold out for her and me to have this hypothetical future together that is unlikely to ever happen. I know people say "if it's meant to be..." etc.... it's just hard to accept that right now.

Does anyone have any tips for getting through this? I want to get over her but I also want to keep in regular enough contact with her.

Partizan

OP you are young, with nothing to lose so go for it. So what if she turns you down, just move on. If she says yes, then start planning. Are you working or in college? if you have the financial resources you could go to Moldova and see her. It will be tough keeping up a LDR but with a patience and consent with both parties, it can be done.

Good luck and keep us posted.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply.

When you say go for it, what exactly do you recommend I do? I have an idea but I'd like to hear your opinion too. I seem to get hyper-nervous with situations that basically are emotionally compromising I suppose is a way putting it and as such, don't say half the things I want to say, or else I blurt it all and don't make any sense.

I would like to see how she's feeling and what she wants to do but I feel as well that this might be too little too late? I mean it's been 3 months- back when we were together was the time for this, not now. I think by asking her, I'm setting myself up to fail and to potentially push her away by bringing back painful feelings for her.

I suppose I'm asking for advice on what to do here? And also, how do I let her go romantically but keep her in my life platonically? I keep saying I want her to be a friend if she can't be anything more but I feel as if I'm tricking myself sometimes - that I'll always want more - and that by keeping in touch with her I'll never let myself get over her.

Oh and we're both in college.

silkworm53

brokenhearted wrote: »

Hey so as the title suggests I'm having a hard time letting go.

In summary for those who don't want to read the whole thing:

Met a girl this summer and fell for her big time. I didn't realise how much I cared for her until it was too late. We still keep in touch via email, facebook etc.. but this isn't enough for me. I want more from her but I can't. We both live in different countries - she lives in Moldova (not even in the EU) - and we're too young for a long distance I think (I'm 20, she's 19).
I can't stop thinking about her and I would do anything to see her again. At the same time I want her to be happy and see other people closer to her even though the thought of that kills me inside.


Full Story:

I met a girl while away in New York this summer and one thing led to another and we started seeing each other. I don't know why I let myself get so close to her - I knew we were both leaving at the end of the summer and it's unlikely that we would see each other again. We talked about continuing it after the holiday and she didn't want to. I can't say I blame her, I didn't want to at the time either. It's too far and we're too young I think. She lives in Moldova, I live in Cork. We decided to keep in contact afterwards and we did plan to visit next summer at some stage.

It's been nearly 3 months since I saw her last and every time I think I'm "over" her, I get a huge ache in my heart for her. I miss her so much sometimes it's almost unbearable. I never realised how much she meant to me until I left America. I think I was falling in love with her.

I want nothing more than to see her again and tell her how much she means to me but I don't know if this is a good idea. I mean I'll probably see her for a week or two at most and then what? I'll come home with a broken heart yet again and it'll be back to square one. I was thinking of suggesting we spend next summer together doing something similar but I don't know if this is a good idea. On the one hand, I have nothing to lose if she says no. On the other, a lot can happen between now and then... maybe neither of us will want to then.

We email each other every week or so and I have to admit I really look forward to talking to her but I want more. However, I get the impression that she is sort of drifting apart. I know this is just as hard for her as it is for me but I can't help but feel that she's coping better than I am. Maybe I'm wrong, it's hard to deduce how someone is feeling from messages sent sometimes.

I should probably say that I'm 20 and she's 19 and that she's the 1st girl I've had any form of relationship with. I know that I'm going to get responses like "you're only young and you'll find someone else" or "how do you know she's the one if you haven't met anyone else" or "you were on holidays, it won't be the same when you're home" etc... and I can agree with that reasoning but I can't accept it. Not yet anyway. She's the only girl I want to be with right now. I can't stop thinking about her every hour of every day. I compare everyone I meet to her and every time she wipes the floor with them.

I miss her so much it hurts, even writing this has brought more feelings to the fore. I can't see myself ever forgetting about her or not missing her as much as I do now. I would do anything to be with her now but I feel if I tell her this I'll lose her forever. I would do anything to go back in time and tell her how much she means to me, how amazing and beautiful she is. I feel I didn't tell her that enough. It feels as if she doesn't know how strongly I feel for her. I think I was too afraid to tell her sometimes, I don't know why but I definitely didn't say it as much as I should have. I want to tell her though. I want her to know.

It's funny because on top of all this, I want her to get over me. I want her to date other people and be happy. I don't want her to be feeling the way I am now but if I was to see her with another guy it would crush me.

It feels like it hasn't ended sometimes, that this is just temporary even though it's not true. I would almost rather that we had a huge argument and broke up as opposed to this, this lack of closure I suppose. It's unbearable, but so is the thought of losing her from my life.

How did you meet her?

Because when you analyse how you first met her you will realize that if you had turned a different corner, got on a different train or plane or bus or weren't looking up at that moment you first saw her, you would never have met.

You could easily have met someone entirely different and would instead be pining away over them instead.

My point is that you are a young man and you have opportunities with women falling from the sky.

While you were thinking about this summer girlfriend you might have missed the smile of the woman who was meant to be the mother of your children - one of your sons who was supposed to find the cure for AIDS now will never be born. Do you see what you've done now?

You have to realise that you have a choice of dozens and dozens of women you will meet through your life who could have been the 'one.'

So go out, meet girls and date as many as possible and you will eventually find a girl you ticks all the boxes.