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What to say/do?

  • 11-11-2010 6:54pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    I have been seeing a guy a few weeks, only met up a few times but chat and text all the time.. The thing is I like the guy alot, he's great to chat to and a really nice guy but I just don't fancy him..

    I don't want to hurt his feelings yet I don't want to go out with him anymore.
    Can anyone please advise me as to how to go about saying this to him nicely?

    I'd really appreciate people's advice on this as I do like the guy as a person.
    Thanks.


Comments

  • #2
    seenitall
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,725 ✭✭✭seenitall


    What I would do (and have done) in similar situations is casually tell him in a conversation about some guy you know, find hot and would like to have go with. Essentially, start talking to him as you would do with any of your female friends, and he should get the picture soon enough.

    It may seem somewhat callous, but it does get the message across without the pain or embarrassment of actually having to say: ""Sorry, not interested (in that way)!"


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Would disagree with 'seenitall', if you don't want to hurt this guy, I would suggest you just explain the situation to him that you don't want a relationship to develop, I know it harder to do, but at least you are being straight with him and not playing mind games and dropping hints for him to pick up on, which would definitely be more painful, OP I presume the times that ye meet up we're like dates, if they were then it wont be too hard for him to get over that, better be straight with him now, rather than hurting him more down the line


  • #4
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    I also disagree with seenitall. To do as suggested would be quite cruel and essentially f8cking with the guys head. Tell him you think he's great but you're not interested in anything developing. Be honest but tactful.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Perhaps OP some more background information on your situation could help us advise you how best to approach this.


  • #6
    zxcvbnm1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 422 ✭✭zxcvbnm1


    I would also disagree with seenitall.
    Absolutely crazy mind playing games. Completely unnecessary.

    Just tell him you do like him but are not interested in a relationship.

    It really is that simple.

    He will get over it. It won't kill him.


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  • #7
    seenitall
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,725 ✭✭✭seenitall


    Okay, okay, I get it - my advice isn't popular. :D

    It is just my take on it as it has worked for me. I know that for myself, I would rather hear "Oh seenitall, am mad about such-an-such a girl..." and make my "tactical withdrawal" without having to stand there and acknowledge that I was interested in the first place, than having to listen to "Sorry, I really like you, but..." and then trying to find a way to save face by pointing out the cobweb in the corner... or something.

    Different strokes for different folks.


  • #8
    trebor28
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,051 ✭✭✭trebor28


    seenitall wrote: »
    What I would do (and have done) in similar situations is casually tell him in a conversation about some guy you know, find hot and would like to have go with. Essentially, start talking to him as you would do with any of your female friends, and he should get the picture soon enough.

    It may seem somewhat callous, but it does get the message across without the pain or embarrassment of actually having to say: ""Sorry, not interested (in that way)!"

    would one not come across as a cold hearted bitch by doing this??

    and get labelled as such!


  • #9
    seenitall
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,725 ✭✭✭seenitall


    trebor28 wrote: »
    would one not come across as a cold hearted bitch by doing this??

    and get labelled as such!

    No. Imv, it's actually letting someone down gently, instead of a full-on "Let's have it all out, we know you fancy me, but I don't fancy you" directness, which I would see as more embarrassing for the guy than myself.

    EDIT: I haven't said this way is always the best, it would be up to the individual to decide if the guy is the type of guy who will deal with the direct rejection no problem, which would in that case be better (although, if he is confident enough, he will deal well with any way it is conveyed to him). From the opening post, though, I have understood that she wants to be gentle about it. I wouldn't see my approach as playing mind games at all, as I know that for myself, if things were said that way, it would all become crystal clear, without the "Sorry, pal..." routine. Much preferable imo.


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