House-mate always asking for stuff.

LegacyUser

Hi,
The title probably sums it up. I have been living with a good friend of mine for some time now. I never thought of myself of a selfish or stingy person or someone who counts the pennies, it's just that living with him I find things very one sided.

He asks me for stuff a lot, and most of the time it is to pay some something. It's not anything big, it's just all "small" things but I don't think he realises how they add up and I can't afford them.

Examples
- Last week he asked if I wanted to go to the take-away, when we got there he asked me for a fiver to help pay as he only brought a few euro.
- Last weekend he wanted a taxi in to town instead of waiting on the bus, I said ok but then he said he needed to get cash in town, would I get this and he'll sort me out.
- At the end of the night, he also was too drunk/had no money to pay for taxi home.
- He'll ask for a euro here and there to use the laundry machines in our building or a vending machine or the shop or whatever.
- I used to treat myself to a pizza or something on a Friday after work but if I order some he'll want to get some but never pays half for the order, just says "cheers for that, I'll get the next one".
- Rarely buys regular household stuff so it's left to me to buy.
- He will ask for things or just take them around the house without really taking much care of them.

Its just things like, I'm not mean but he doesn't get that it I can't afford it all the time. I will give anyone a euro or two if they need it for something, i won't come banging their door down. But when it's all the time it adds up. Buying his takeaway, buying his taxis, buying anything we need in the house.

I'm the kinda person that in work if someone brought me back a coke from the shop, I'll leave 2euro on their desk and say thanks. I think it just shows good character and makes people think better of you.

I don't count every penny he or I spend in the house, it's just that when it feels so one sided it gets frustrating. As I said he's a friend and probably means well but that magical "next time" where he pays never seems to come, its just the same "oh I forgot to get money out" thing again next week.

Anyway, I don't know how to approach it. We are friends and house-mates and i don't want to start a fight or anything. I've brought it up in the past about certain things but i feel very stingy doing so. He tends to brush it off so i have to say it 4 or 5 times then he'll give it to me acting like I am hounding him over a taxi ride... but I'll do anything for a friend, as a friend usually WOULD get the next one or something and it'd balance out. I don't know what to say, I hate asking 4 or 5 times as it makes me look like a nag and he makes me feel very mean for doing it.

When I ask it's not really about that one thing, its to get the point across to him to stop asking me for stuff.

dory

This is very simple: JUST STOP.

If you don't want a confrontation then say you don't have the money. He has no reason to stop this when you're so willing to pay his way. And you say he's a friend? Well he's certainly not treating you like one.

There isn't much to be said on this one. He's taking advantage, and it's up to YOU to stop it.

astra2000

Why would you feel bad about asking for money he owes you, he obviously doesnt feel bad about owing it to you. It is happening too often for him just to be forgetful or careless he knows you will bail him out and he is taking advantage.
Maybe ye could introduce a kitty for shared items and friday night take aways. If you really dont feel able to approach him for what he owes you then put a stop to the lending. Just say sorry I dont have enough on me you will need to stop at cash point or do with out.
You need to realise that you are not the problem and you are not been stingy, he is scabby and has no right to act as though you are at fault.
If things continue like this you might be better off moving out before yer friendship is ruined,

thefeatheredcat

just say NO.

You're being taken advantage of plain and simple.

From the examples you've given he is using you as his spare wallet and his own personal walking ATM. nobody likes to begrudge a couple of quid here and there, now and again, over months and years, but shouldn't be expected to hand over cash on demand for every whim to a person who has clearly proven a)to be financially incompetent and b)stingy in paying you back that you feel you're hounding them for it and making yourself feel worse.

ask yourself this with all the examples you've given: Would he do the same for you?

I would guess probably not, and once you start saying NO to this guy, he'll sort his own finances out a bit or sponge off someone else.

He may be your friend and your housemate, but clearly he has no respect for you.

And no, you don't need to give a reason for not giving him the cash, it's not his business if you can or can't afford to pay for his taxi fare, his take away, etc.

The moment you stop enabling his behaviour, it will stop.

As for household items, either buy your own stuff for only you to use, or let things run out before you go away (so there's no choice in him having to buy the stuff), or simply get an empty jar and come to some agreement to put in a couple of quid a week which is for household stuff only and stress that.

IrishEyes19

I'm with the other posters on this one. Just say you can't, that you're struggling enough with rent and so on on.

Also maybe dont order stuff around him, though I know thats easier said than done. And next time get the bus, be straight on it. Its very hard to do this especially with friends, but the guy is clearly using you.

alex73

If he asks for Money, Just say you have none,

Anyway does not seem like a nice mate, Get rid of him.

MJ23

Tell him buy his own fúcking chips, taxis and pizzas, and to chip in for bogroll, washing up liquid, shower gel etc.
Tell him you're not his mammy.

coolcat63

"you forgot to get money out?" "Bugger, so did I"
"Let's get the bus, 'cos I don't have money for a taxi"
"Could you get some loo roll on the way home? We've run out and I got the last lot, cheers"
"Fancy a pizza? Yeah great, but I don't have any money so you'll have to get this one"

No need for any major confrontation if it makes you uncomfortable but just play him at his own game for a while.

Good luck.

lau1247

this reminds me of the stingy thread in after hour..

yeah i would agree about getting him back at his own game.. these kind of people are just very inconsiderate..

Curry Addict

next time he casually states he will get u next time. say thats ok mate, i noticed u were strapped for cash lately so i dont mind dibbing in to help u out. pause and let him babble. then say, but now its adding up up 300 euros and im wondering when u are getting me back, im not your ma. pause for shock and negative agressive response. say, i had to skip my last x bill keeping your fat ass covered . this may be out of charachter for you but it is just assertive tbh and will get u a lot of the way to sorting this leecher.

LegacyUser

Curry Addict gave some good advice on what to say to him next time he tries this stuff. These leechers are all the same, they do it for 'inconsequential' amounts of money so they can play the stingy card when called up on it and make you out to be the bad guy.

You should be angry at this so-called friend for constantly taking advantage of you. He knows well what he's at, these kind of people are actually ironically stingy as **** themselves and if you owed them any money you can be sure they would not hesitate to hassle you until they got it back.

Next time he makes you out to be stingy for asking for your money back, dont put up with that nonsense, get angry and tell him straight out - 'how the **** am i stingy when i am the one paying for your taxis, pizzas, food, etc.. all the time and you never get me back?'

Overheal

he's a procrastinator and a leech. cut him off the juice and make him get his own damn toilet paper (example)

ive done coolcats thing too. Nobody needs to know that you have extra money hanging around. and hell, dont hang onto extra money if it bothers you, just carry what you need.

Big Bag of Chips

Unanimous!!

Next time he asks just say "I don't have it on me." After saying it maybe 5 - 6 times.. he'll get the hint.
Of course he wants to get a taxi instead of a bus - he knows you're going to pay for his comfort!

EDIT: OP - it's Friday, ring him/text him NOW to tell him make sure he gets to an ATM before he comes home because it's his turn to pay for pizza tonight!

Mary Hairy

I had a "friend" who tried it on. Asked me for two euro at a bar counter in front of another friend. I just said "No, you did not pay back the last time which was €20". A week later the €20 was paid back and no more requests for money!
Same individual tried it on other people. It works on some and not on others. When he sees that it doesn't work he gives up.

beks101

I seriously don't get this kind of ignorance.

However I have a friend like you OP - thinks nothing of grabbing a 20 off you here or there and then conveniently forgets about it so little chance in hell of getting it back. It's cheeky, disrespectful and shows a person's character or lack of if you ask me.

What I do is like others have suggested - quit being a source of money around him. Just 'don't have it', whenever he asks, end of. And as regards the household stuff - next time you run out of loo roll, washing up liquid or whatever...don't replace it. Or at least don't make the replacement available to him - hide it in your room. When it inevitably comes up in conversation just say 'oh yeah - well I got the last few, it's your turn!' and let him live toilet paper-less until he cops himself on and buys some.

In the mood for pizza on Friday...you've only enough for one, sorry. He's looking for vending machine change...you've nothing on you, sorry. Once you get in the habit of saying no, he'll quit expecting it and stop taking you for granted.